Showing posts with label Merle Haggard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Merle Haggard. Show all posts

Aug 31, 2022

Country Music Fantasy Football Team Names 2022

Haven't done these in a while so here we go, with help from Twitter pals. The ones not attributed are by yours truly, Trailer. 


There Stands the Kupp


The Night They Drove McCaffrey Down


Jerry Reed Options @Misery_n_Gin


Cross Canadian Football League @lhcountryboy


Feathered Commanders


Shotgun Willie @ReadWatchDo


Why Ja’Marr in Here Looking Like That


Touchdown Troubadours @theadamdrake


Why Brady Why


Punt Flicker Pass @JWOutlaw13


Wagon Wheel Route (Adam Drake)


Lost Dak Street Band @TreyBlair33


Mike Evans & The Moonpies (Trey)


Turnpike Goin' For Twobadours @brianmather


Sunday Night Blues


Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Deshaun Watson @FriendDevin


All the Gould in California


The Cody Wolves @Robberino


Cast No Picks


Delta Down @JonMDanforth


The Charles Wesley Go Routes @wilkins63


If Dick Butkus is Up, Why Am I Down


Lynyrd Pigskynyrd @DavidJoy_Author


Lost on 30 Akers


Shenandoah Checkdown @JArnoldTAMU85


Are You Sure Lombardi Done It This Way (Adam Drake)


Jason IsBall @RCHoyt34 


Tonight the Waddle Let Me Down


Streets of Lambeaufield @thatjohnhammond


Houston Oilers Marchman (LH Country Boy)


Sweet Dreams (of a W) @JenJenMichelle


I Will Make You Hurts


Wichita Offensive Lineman @ShawnC96WL


Drive-By Justin Tuckers (Shawn)


The Rita Ballou 42s @The_Reliant


Deebo & Lefty


Matt Stafford & The 400 Unit @mrbalusek


Townes Van Slant @knotts632


Kittle Bitty


Muscadine First Down Line @Western_Grunge


Chase Daniels, If You Please


Grieving, I’m a Jets Fan


Aug 12, 2022

Forget Your Zodiac...


Man Who Makes Sure You Know He’s Too Good for Country Music Adores Theory of a Deadman

Mr. Burns' "Best Songs Ever" playlist
Jesse Burns, 39, of Lowell, MA, has unparalleled taste in music and wants you to know so. “All country music sucks, so who cares? Only slack jawed Trumpers listen to that crap.” commented the divorced dad of two on a Farce the Music Facebook meme about country music. His comment received one thumbs up, 2 laughing faces, and 8 angry faces. 

The meme showed up in his timeline due to a former high school friend Jesse forgot to unfollow sharing it. Incensed that he should be reminded of the mere existence of country music, Mr. Burns made sure to make his high falutin opinion known to all. He has far too refined sensibilities for even one person on earth to think he could listen to the addle brained yawping of sister sexing hillbillies. 


“That shit blows ass,” said Burns when we sent him a PM asking politely for some explanation. “LOOOL, you need to get a life, f**king redneck.” Since we couldn’t get Burns to engage in a civil conversation about his disdain of country music, we decided to analyze his supposed stellar taste.


His Facebook profile page was partially public and a recent post bragged excitedly of getting tickets for the upcoming Louder Than Life festival in Kentucky. He specifically mentioned his excitement about seeing those paragons of music, Theory of a Deadman, for the 9th time. He was also hyped about Chevelle, Ghostemane, Sevendust, Pop Evil, Papa Roach, Shaman’s Harvest, and whoever Yungblud is. 


Clearly a man of unquestionable artistic preferences, Jesse Burns is far too intelligent and cultured for the inbred idiocy of Kris Kristofferson, or the uneducated foolishness of Merle Haggard, or the bland white trash stylings of Tammy Wynette. 


We also found Jesse’s public Spotify playlist entitled “Best Songs Ever.” Prominently featured are the aforementioned Theory of a Deadman who are definitely not a subpar Nickelback cover band. It also includes the stylings of Hinder, Saving Abel, and whatever a Crossfade is. Obviously this man is far too sophisticated for the moonshine swilling moronicness of Guy Clark, or the trailer park platitudes of Dolly Parton, or the barely literate ponderings of Tyler Childers. 


At press time, Jesse Burns was cursing at his ex-wife on the phone with a Sam Adams in hand, while Buckcherry blared in the background. But at least he doesn’t like country.


Aug 4, 2022

Location Location Location 2

I reposted the original of these on Facebook the other day and got taken to task for calling "Copperhead Road" and "Ode to Billy Joe" country songs. Fair enough, I spend half my time saying modern songs aren't really country, so I deserve it I guess. Anyway, here's a more accurate meme. These are all unquestionably country songs.



Jun 10, 2022

Mixed Music Action, Vol. 1, No.4


By Kevin Broughton & Jeremy Pinnell

 

Let's do the fight stuff first, with a look back before we look ahead. UFC 274 featured the worst title fight of all time, where my gal Thug Rose lost the belt in five rounds of bizarre inactivity. What's worse, her boyfriend/coach/groomer, Pat Barry, told her after every round she was doing just fine. What in the heck can we make of this? 

 

Was she protecting her belt? People hate her boyfriend. It’s really just a bummer. Bad coaching? Probably. I believe I was traveling and I heard how bad the fight was so I didn’t even go back and watch.

 

Moving on, the company is taking its show to Singapore for UFC 275, which will feature a couple of title fights. Jiri Prochazka -- from the Czech Republic -- is one of the two or three scariest guys in all of MMA. He faces 40-year-old (brand new champ) Glover Teixeira for the light heavyweight belt. My prediction: lots of blood and an early stoppage. Jiri is a 2-1 favorite for a reason; what say you?

 

I’m not predicting anyone anymore; my picks are terrible! I like Glover because his Jiu Jitsu is strong, but yeah, Jiri is a scary dude. I believe I have a pull with the universe. I lose at gambling, so may the best man win, Kevin.

 



The co-main event is a battle for the women's flyweight strap. No one has seriously challenged Valentina Shevchenko in her title reign, and she's a nearly 6-1 favorite here. Taila Santos has an impressive 19-1 record, but as Daniel Cormier once said, "There are levels to this game." Any chance for an upset? 

 

There’s always a chance for an upset. It’s a fucking war. But Shevchenko is such a killer. This might be a solid challenge.

 

Finally, there's an enticing rematch of 115-pound ladies. Weili Zhang and Joanna (I'm too lazy to try & spell her last name -- it's the Polish lady) had one of the most epic UFC fights ever. Joanna got her head temporarily reshaped. Vegas has these odds the closest. Each of these ladies, interestingly, has lost to Thug Rose twice. Who gets her hand raised? 

 

Joanna might be past it? I’ve always like Weili, so I’ll say her --  and we’ll see what the universe does -- and then I’ll know if I have a say or not. Also, don’t be lazy, Kevin.

 

Fine. It’s Jędrzejczyk. Neither of us can pronounce it, though. 

 

As we pivot to music, it turns out you and I are both big Lyle Lovett fans -- though you more than I if body art is any indication. He recently released his first album in a decade, The Twelfth Of June. I was going to love this album unconditionally, and the jazz/big (or, "Large") band vibes remind me a lot of my favorite record of his, Joshua Judges Ruth. Have you broken your recent musical celibacy long enough to give a listen? Your thoughts?

 

I am a huge Lyle fan and I obviously listened to his new record the day it came out. But we were in a tour van, and it was drowned out by highway noise so I didn’t get a good read. And no, I haven’t broken my music celibacy. I’m just bored. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

 

Closing things out, for this edition: A good writer I know recently did a review of Blackberry Smoke's EP of Rolling Stones covers. Assume you have a week of free studio time and any set of players you could ask for. What five songs -- regardless of artist or genre -- would you most like to put on a J.P. EP?

 

That’s a tough one. Maybe I’d go with… George Jones, “The Grand Tour”; Merle Haggard, “Misery and Gin”; Billy Joe Shaver, “Ragged Old Truck”; Mel Street, “Lovin’ on Backstreets”; and Bob Wills, “Faded Love.”

 

 How’s that? You wanna pay for it? I’ll give you a co-producer credit.

 

Hmm. Maybe we can crowd-fund, but I still get a credit for the awesome idea. And geez, a Mel Street reference! What a great way to end this edition. 


  

--------

Kev’s barely over .500 on UFC bets here lately, but his value plays for UFC 275: 

 

Jiri Prochazka, -200;

 

Jiri by second round stoppage, +450 

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