Showing posts with label Drake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drake. Show all posts
Mar 11, 2025
Feb 21, 2025
Feb 14, 2025
10 Things That Sound Better Than an Hour of Mainstream Country Radio
10. “Call us regarding your pending preapproval for a personal or line of credit. You are prequalified for loan $65,000 based on your credit profile…”
9. Honey we need to talk
8. Jason Isbell’s “White Man’s World” playing loudly at an event where you’re the only white male
7. Doctor: “We’re going to have to remove the left one”
6. Jason Aldean’s “Strip It Down” starts playing while you’re getting a massage from a woman with a phlegmy cough
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| *this is AI slop |
5. Every chapter of R Kelly’s “Trapped In the Closet” remixed by P Diddy ft. Drake
4. “We have been trying to reach you about the extended warranty on your Chevrolet Tahoe”
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| *this is also AI slop |
3. RFK Jr. covering Dolly’s “I Will Always Love You”
2. Jelly Roll and Bunny walk over from across the bar “We saw you standing over here and we're digging your vibe…”
1. Luke Bryan narrating a children’s book about the birds & the bees
Jan 31, 2025
Nov 7, 2024
Jul 16, 2024
Apr 16, 2024
Pick Your Ernest
To be fair, Ernest is better than most on the mainstream chart. But he's also pretty awful at times.
Idea by Craig Toney
Apr 10, 2024
Mar 13, 2024
Feb 7, 2024
Jan 19, 2024
Daring New Country Singer Blends Varied Influences Into His Shitty Music
His debut single “Night Like What” blends the stylings of Green Day, Drake, and Kenny Chesney into an unbearable mess of soulless slop. And that’s what he’s counting on. Not on it being an unbearable mess of soulless slop, he’s counting on over-30 country fans to think it’s an unbearable mess of soulless slop.
“No shade, but I hope they hate it!” laughed Malone. “The more the ops can’t stand it, the more streams we’ll do. You and Saving Country Music and all those blue hairs on Twitter will probably put more cash in my Venmo than the quality of my music.”
Newly signed to DBAG69, a subsidiary of Mercury Nashville, Malone is already scheduled to open for Dustin Lynch at some shows before his godawful song has even been released to radio. He says the company has promised their full support behind him, already purchasing a tour bus from an ailing legend, and plastering Malone’s ultra-punchable face all over it.
“TikTok is where we’re really taking off,” said Malone. “Got videos of college girls dancing to “night like what what what” all over the place. It’s humbling fr fr.” (Editor’s note: He actually said “fr fr” out loud)
The song itself, about (you guessed it) meeting a girl in a bar and driving out to the country in his suburban assault truck, sounds like someone having a mild stroke during a Florida-Georgia Line karaoke performance. There’s snap beats, metal riffs, a hint of banjo, an EDM breakdown, a rapped bridge, and autotune galore. It’s as if every channel on Sirius XM was played on top of one another at once, but with a singular programmed beat.
Currently dating one of Morgan Wallen’s leftovers, Skip Malone looks to have a massive year and he’s excited. “It’s gone be bussin going on tour with Dustin Lynch and dropping this fire later this year.” he smiled.
At press time, Skip Malone was putting the finishing touches on his second single, “No Simp No Cap.”
Dec 21, 2023
Dec 6, 2023
Nov 10, 2023
Sep 11, 2023
Stolen Memes: Zach Bryan, Kane Brown, Morgan Wallen
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| From Cody Carpenter on Twitter |
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| From Tyler Chill Dumps |
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