Pick Your Ernest

 To be fair, Ernest is better than most on the mainstream chart. But he's also pretty awful at times. 

Idea by Craig Toney

More Monday Memes: Beyonce, Jesse Daniel, Morgan Wallen

 

Stolen Memes: Ernest, Tyler Childers, Sturgill Simpson

All three from Tyler Chill Dumps

Still More Monday Memes: Morgan Wallen, Hick-Hop, Waylon

Rebel Flags To Be Allowed for Morgan Wallen’s Oxford, MS Concerts

In a brief reprieve of their rules, the Vaught-Hemingway Stadium commission and the Ole Miss Athletic Department have agreed to allow Confederate flags for two nights only at the venue, during the two upcoming Morgan Wallen shows. After removing the rebel flags from football games in ’97 with their “stick ban” and giving Colonel Reb a kick several years later, the school will let Wallen fans fly it on April 22 and 23 only.

“We felt it was important to support the culture of Morgan’s music,” said Athletic Director Kenny Marter. “While we don’t agree with use of that flag… anymore, we realize many of Morgan’s fans come from a nescient background, and we don’t want 60,000 of those people feeling out of their element on our campus.”

Sales of Confederate flag merchandise will be prohibited on the University of Mississippi grounds, but show attendees may bring theirs from their large home collections, as long as “poster, flag, or other display item does not impede the view of other fans.”

Morgan Wallen’s management had no comment on the temporary stay of rules at this time, but his fans were more than eager to give their thoughts on the matter. 

“That’s freekin awesome,” said Vernajean Lucas of Panther Burn, MS in a recent Facebook post. “We can come together and celebrate are favorite music and are heritage at the same time! [sic]” Another fan, Jaxon Strickland of Flowood tweeted the following: Hell yeah, me and the boys coming up in are squatted trucks waving THE REAL OLD GLORY all the damn way, and I DO Not CARE WHO OFFENDED. Can’t wait too see my boy! [sic]

Morgan Wallen, with openers Hardy, Ernest, and Bailey Zimmerman plays April 22 & 23 at Vaught Hemingway in Oxford. The second show was added after the high demand for the original date. 

At press time, other amenities to be provided at the Wallen concerts were pickup truck accessory vendors, White Claw tastings, DUI lawyers posted up at the exits, and a Proud Boys booth.

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This is satire/fake news, duh.

The Crud Report: January 2023

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: July '22

A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive. Total score below the chart.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-11) overall which is a 3 point drop from April (the previous time we did this chart). The best song is Ernest/Morgan Wallen’s “Flower Shops.” The worst is Dustin Lynch’s “Party Mode.” There are less women and more trucks… the typical summer regression.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

6 New Country Parody Album Covers

 *foul language warning*

You’ve Been Unfollowed and Blocked for Liking Ernest’s “Flower Shops” ft. Morgan Wallen

Hello, longtime follow. I know we have generally gotten along for years on this godforsaken social media network. I know we haven’t actually discussed politics, even though I think I know yours and I KNOW you know mine. I know we both love country and Americana music and don’t care for pop-country and that we could probably share a beer and have a nice time.

HOWEVER…. I saw who you really are yesterday and for that I must bid adieu.

You’ve rarely mentioned Donald Trump, despite (I assume) being a conservative. You’ve never made any overtly racist, homophobic, transphobic, or sexist Tweets that I can recall. You don’t even follow Jordan Peterson or Don Jr. (I actually do, so I can be angry all the time). 

BUT…. It’s clear what you feel in your heart of hearts. 

When you tweeted “I’m not a fan of either guy, but that new Ernest & Morgan Wallen song is surprisingly good and surprisingly country,” it became clear to me that I was following a vile racist. You may not have said as much, and may never have said as much in the 4 years and 10 months I have followed you, and may have never uttered a single racist word, joke, or thought in your entire life, but there is no doubt in my mind that your hatred for black people is incompatible with my de haut en bas morality. 

The entire weight of 400 years of servitude, imprisonment, discrimination, othering, red-lining, and dismissal fell upon my shoulders as I read those 21 words from your repugnant mind. I was literally weeping and shaking, knowing my internet acquaintance had betrayed my trust and the trust of 80 million+ Americans. 

That you even clicked ‘play’ on a song that included MoreKlan Wallen was one thing. That you were able to overcome the bile rising in your throat and the sense of performative rage creeping into your mind to dare utter that you found the song “surprisingly good” is a testament to your inhumanity. 

I know you’ve shared memes making fun of Wallen. I know you spoke ill of Wallen when the “n-word” video came out, but this dark world calls for action, not words. Your words leave you on the side of David Duke, Scott Baio, Nathan Bedford Forrest, and Kid Rock. Just because your ears and mind find something pleasurable doesn’t mean you have to allow yourself to like it, much less announce that to society. I pray you find your way back to the correct side of history.

Farewell.