Showing posts with label Top Ten Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top Ten Lists. Show all posts

Nov 22, 2022

Top 10 Things Dan + Shay Fans are Thankful For This Year



10. That Babs didn’t use too much seasoning on the boiled chicken at the supper party last night


9. That Dan + Shay didn’t play the CMA’s so they didn’t have to accidentally hear any twang, fiddles, or steel guitars this year


8. That vodka is the same color as water


7. That their neighbors who listened to rap music and grilled on the front porch moved out


6. 20% discounts at the loaded tea place because they forced their son to work there


5. That their name isn’t actually Karen, because that would be too on the nose


4. That both Dan and Shay are happily married; they were concerned they might be gay so they’d have to stop liking them


3. That Jerry got the Christmas bonus early so they can book their 29th Disney vacation for next year


2. That wooden decorative signs with cliches on them are 50% off at Hobby Lobby this week


1. That their husband agreed to stop listening to scary Cody Childers or Waylon Haggard music in the house after the threat of no nookie



Nov 10, 2022

Top 12 Signs a Texas Country Singer Isn’t Really From Texas

~ Trailer, with big help from Rich O’Toole

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12. When he covers “Screw You, We’re From Texas,” he just lets the crowd sing the word ‘Texas'


11. Thinks you’re talking about Lebron James when you mention the king



10. Actually enjoys Lone Star Beer



9. Dad owns a financial firm in Little Rock


8. Makes up a lie that it’s how they did it in (makes up Texas small town) when somebody calls them out for putting beans in chili



7. Follows Rich O’Toole on Twitter


6. Just nods along when band talks about kolaches because he thinks that’s a wooden dancing shoe that the Swedish wear or some shit



5. Still thinks Pat Green is famous


4. Wears a straw hat in winter


3. Books a Friday show in Houston and a Saturday show in El Paso because “it’s the same state, how far can it be?”



2. Rhymes ‘Bexar’ with Lexar in a song


1. Calls Jerry Jeff Walker …Jerry Jeff Walker



Aug 17, 2022

Top 10 Things You Might See at a Five Finger Death Punch / Brantley Gilbert Concert

Five Finger Death Punch and Brantley Gilbert are going on tour. 

For real. Here are the top ten things you might see if you went.



10. Everybody mad dogging each other instead of watching the show


9. Many neckbeards, but few necks


8. Nobody singing along because somebody might call them gay for singing


7. Punisher tattoos


6. Roid gut


5. A camel clutch wrestling hold executed to perfection


4. 7 women, all working at concession stands


3. Really aggressive t-shirts with way too many words on them


2. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of fists bruised from punching walls


1. People in the 1% of worst music taste in America



Bonus thing: Several heartwarming reunions of cops and the people they arrested



Jun 21, 2022

Top 10 Ways Hick-Hop Fans Are Saving Money During This Inflation

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10. Citrus Drop instead of Mountain Dew for the baby’s bottle

9. Generic illegal prescription pills

8. Only going mudding four times a month

7. Turning their underwear inside out after a couple days for a few more days of wear

6. Building up tolerance to taste of unleaded so they can syphon more

5. Making their own t-shirts at home

4. Stealing mufflers AND catalytic converters

3. Just letting the herpes fester; it ain’t going away anyway

2. Cutting their meth with 10% more baking soda
(it’s good for your teeth!)

1. Leaving Cousin Grandpa in jail this time instead of bailing him out

May 11, 2022

Top 10 Farm Preparations for Luke Bryan’s Farm Tour


 10. Convert the cattle troughs into vomit troughs


9. Be ready to write off the sod field on taxes; all those new boots will destroy it completely


8. Move cattle to farthest pasture; even dumb animals don’t deserve to hear that music


7. Leave the electric fence turned on in areas bros might sneak off to pee


6. Replace all “No Trespassing” signs with speakers saying the words over and over; Luke fans can’t read


5. Fence off the ponds so no little Luke Bryan fans will be created there


4. Haul in lots of gravel for muddy parking areas; you don’t want any of those idiots stuck on your farm any longer than necessary


3. Hire local bikers who hate pop-country as security


2. Make sure to rent extra wi-fi towers; Luke fans are more interested in filming TikToks than actually watching the concert


1. Hide the sheep and goats


Mar 30, 2022

Top 10 Headlines Taste of Country Hasn’t Posted Yet

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10. Scott McCreery enjoys a round of Scrabble with his wife


9. Brantley Gilbert reveals which gun tattoo his kids will get first


8. Remember when Shania Twain busted her ass at the CMT Awards?


7. Thomas Rhett saves a turtle stuck in the road


6. Adorable! Gabby Barrett shows off her Easter outfit


5. Remember when Walker Hayes hit #1 with “Fancy Like?”


4. Luke Bryan accidentally pranks Luke Bryan on American Idol


3. Remember when we were a reputable source for country music news? Neither do we.


2. Keith Urban seen staring lovingly up at wife Nicole Kidman


1. Sam Hunt reveals his favorite attributes in a mistress


Mar 23, 2022

Top 10 Things You’ll Never Hear a Dan + Shay Fan Say


10. Yes, I’ll take the extra spicy chicken. And put some hot sauce in the bag


9. Sad songs make me happy


8. What’s the point of a gender reveal party? Just send everyone a nice card after you find out


7. The country music on the radio these days is just so bereft of depth and authenticity


6. I don’t think I’ll post the pics from our third trip to Disney World this year on Facebook or Instagram. It’s a bit much


5. No, you go to the Junior League fashion show without me


4. Is that Waylon Jennings, man? Well turn it up!


3. It’s cool that you brought your extended family who happen to be of Puerto Rican decent to our gated community’s pool. Of course I won’t call the police


2. Yes, this is wine, officer. You should arrest me and not take into account that my husband is a lawyer and a big wig on the school board


1. No, I don’t need to speak to the manager

Mar 17, 2022

Top 10 Traits for Getting a Country Record Deal 2022


10. A built in audience of TikTok fans you duped into thinking you were talented


9. A gym membership


8. Generic, character-free male country voice


7. Willingness to be an opening act forever (females)


6. Willingness to be a headliner with your own bus right out of the gate (males)


5. Ability to politely say nothing with many words, when asked about a serious topic in an interview


4. Strong knowledge of hair care techniques, including advanced shampoo and condition, heat protection, volumizer, mousse, and shine serum


3. Have large or new family and only talk about them ever and nothing else


2. Musical inspirations must include at least 3 of the following: 21 Pilots, John Mayer, Lil Wayne, Drake, Ariana Grande, Sugar Ray, Kanye, Keith Urban, Imagine Dragons, Taylor Swift (pop era).


1. Be boring as dry dog shit


Mar 9, 2022

Top 10 Things Brantley Gilbert Fans Are Spending Their Tax Refunds On 2022



10. A blood transfusion for the hookworm


9. Put $1500 on Roman Reigns to unify the titles at Wrestlemania


8. Soundcloud Pro Unlimited subscription for their NASCAR themed hick-hop group


7. Pay the painter to finish the Marjorie Taylor Greene mural on the trailer


6. One of those little pill counting thingies pharmacists have


5. Alt-right NFTs


4. Surely there’s something left to add lights to on the pickup truck


3. Swingers’ vacation to Myrtle Beach with wife who is also aunt* 


2. Upgrade cock-fighting arena


1. Gas. Hell, who isn’t? 



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*satire - not suggesting the two people in the picture are related*

Feb 9, 2022

Top 11 Least Popular Country Music Hall of Fame Exhibits


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 11. Ten Years of Bro-Country: A Retrospective


10. Florida-Georgia Line’s first Big Johnson t-shirts from when they were toddlers


9. The “Are You Tall and Handsome Enough to be a Mainstream Country Star?” Kiosk


8. Brantley Gilbert’s used dip can and Ed Hardy wallet (w/chain)


7. The Toby Keith “Put a Boot in in a Muslim’s Ass” Game


6. Cledus T. Judd kissing booth


5. A Salute to the Bachelorettes of Broadway documentary


4. “Are You More Smarter Than Luke Bryan?” interactive game


3. A collection of sexy Lee Greenwood photos


2. Animatronic hollering Garth Brooks


1. Outlaw Country: A Scratch-n-Sniff Photo Exhibit


Nov 19, 2020

Top 10 Things Hick-Hop Fans Are Thankful For in 2020


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10. That selling meth never goes on lockdown or recession

9. As crazy as this year’s been, mom’s okay with you repeating 10th grade again


8. Confederate flag Covid masks


7. That stimulus check bought you a new set of teeth (used)


6. If you never had a job, you can’t lose a job


5. The guy you owed $500 for cock fight gambling debts died of the Rona


4. Lots of time to polish up that mixtape


3.  With online prayer meetings, you can finally smoke crack at church


2. That Upchurch still puts out like 15 albums a year


1. That if you’ve had herpes and ringworm at the same time, Covid ain’t shit


Aug 26, 2020

Top 10 Fashion Tips for Brantley Gilbert Fans

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10. Research the business you’re applying with first, but confederate flag t-shirts are generally frowned upon for job interviews.

9. If you don’t look good in prison orange, you can accessorize with handmade hair necklaces or a sticker from the commissary.

8. Sagging pants aren’t really in fashion right now, but since you don’t care, just make sure you wear full coverage underpants.

7. Duct tape will hold the chain in your back pocket while you save for the wallet.

6. Camouflage is actually fairly fashionable right now, but make sure the camo you wear in public is free of briars and blood from sneaking through the woods to tend your still.

5. Collared shirts are essential work apparel for those of you… well, most of you… with neck tattoos.

4. When purchasing shorty shorts with words across the butt, make sure the wording isn’t something inappropriate that would get you fired from the snow-cone stand.

3. If you don’t have skinny genes, you might wanna skip the skinny jeans.

2. Wife beaters are a shirt style, not a lifestyle.

1. An oversized baseball hat can cover meth scars all the way to the eyebrows and you’ll look super cool.

By Jeremy Harris and Trailer

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