Apr 8, 2022
Mar 30, 2022
9. Brantley Gilbert reveals which gun tattoo his kids will get first
8. Remember when Shania Twain busted her ass at the CMT Awards?
7. Thomas Rhett saves a turtle stuck in the road
6. Adorable! Gabby Barrett shows off her Easter outfit
5. Remember when Walker Hayes hit #1 with “Fancy Like?”
3. Remember when we were a reputable source for country music news? Neither do we.
1. Sam Hunt reveals his favorite attributes in a mistress
Oct 5, 2021
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Sep 4, 2015
A new FTM service to help connect artists, publishers, and songwriters. Promoting only the hottest, most tempo-driven, active-listener grabbing Top 5-potential tracks from Nashville's youngest and most focus-group tested! Interested parties: Contact FTM for details!
My Love On Fleek
Chris Destefano, Josh Kear, Ashley Gorley, and 12 other writers combined on this hip, bouncy number about a young man's deep and abiding love for the hoochie he just met in a club. Mid-tempo, but pumping. Sounds Like: The Weeknd meets Sam Hunt. And yes, the title is correct. We're trying to stay cool with the millennials, son. *Thomas Rhett considering a hold on this track.
The girls are looking hot in their bikinis and cutoffs and the guys are all ripped and five o'clock shadowed! Feeling thirsty? After hearing this killer cut, you will be! Primed and perfect for release as a single in early April of 2016 for a summer peak, this Bruno Mars meets Bruno Mars jam will have speakers bumping in all the jacked up 4x4's! Pour a drink and move on this sure hit immediately!
Shane McAnally, Ashley Gorley, and Ross Copperman writers.
*Thomas Rhett considering a hold on this track.
Turn Up (Da Country)
This club banger written by an army of LA and Nashville's brightest songwriters is the perfect Spring/Summer 2016 cut. Features tons of slang we think will be "raging" next year and is completely customizable to house/EDM/rock/hick-hop edits. We've crunched the numbers and this one's a hit! Perfect for male vocal band or hot, blonde female.
She's Basic, But She's Mine
For the C-level male artists, this one should endear artist to the average-looking, 15-30 year old female demo who love pumpkin spice. Important career-extender type song. Mid-tempo with current references and a bridge that even MILFs and cougars can get behind, this one's a sure Top 20-ish hit to get your Scotty McCreery-strata artist on a major tour as a curtain jerker. Written by The Warren Brothers & John Rich.
Sep 3, 2015
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Dec 18, 2014
1. Jerrod Niemann - Donkey
Four of the worst singles in country music history were released in 2014 and Jerrod Niemann was responsible for 50% of those. Well done, jackass. In attempts to "change with the times" and "stay hip" and "get it turnt up to 100 with the young people," Niemann put out 2 bombs I can't even listen to without looking for the Pepto. One of those actually managed to become a #1 hit. This one, thankfully, utterly torpedoed the current phase of Niemann's career. I don't wish harm upon his ability to earn money and provide for his family, but I'm very happy that he's going to have to stop sucking to become relevant again. "Donkey" is sexist, stupid, arrogant, and repugnant. Try again, Niemann.
2. Jason Aldean - Burnin' It Down
Four of the worst singles in country music history were released in 2014 and Jason Aldean put out the sleaziest of those 4. I'm glad I didn't grow up in a generation in which enough of the target demographic thought this was sexy enough to make it a hit. "Burnin' It Down" is about as sexy as skid marks on silk panties. The fact that this piece of crap is from somebody about as worthy of hero-worship as John Edwards makes it all the more gag-inducing.
3. Florida-Georgia Line - Sun Daze
This song is about dumbasses smoking dope on a Sunday and having sex where food is prepared. What more do you need to hate it? There's whistling, fake reggae approximations, white boy slang, and not even enough of a melody to make it accidentally get stuck in your head. If hanging out with sexual harassment-prone douchebag burnouts whose goal in life is to collect wallet chains and sunglasses is your thing, by all means, get your Sun Daze on. I'll be over here listening to Sturgill.
4. Jerrod Niemann - Drink to That All Night
The verses of this song are delivered in a fashion that it can be classified as neither talk singing nor rapping; he sounds disinterested, and who can blame him? This is a staccato, autotuned mess of cliches and swagger that makes me prefer flipping Jerrod the bird over throwing my hands up high. Mainstream country's need to include every genre or trend from the Hot 40 is perplexing, pathetic and cringe-inducing. This garbage song is symbolic of country's identity crisis in 2014. Jerrod Niemann has talent, but this year he chose to chase a buck over finding a sustainable and signature sound to develop himself into a career artist. If he continues on this path, he'll be a Wikipedia footnote about two-thousand-teens country music.
5. Cole Swindell - Chillin' It
Cole seems like a nice enough guy. However, his 2014 stardom seems more the end product of good connections over actual talent. Luke Bryan's former merch guy karaokes his way through this potboiler of a summer anthem with all the conviction of a nervous 8th grader doing his first persuasive speech about the dangers of asbestos removal in Mrs. Latham's third block Thursday class. It's also about that interesting. The production isn't much better either. It's probably the first example of bro-country lite that seems to be taking over the airwaves lately: less obnoxious songs about trucks and girls that are no less uninteresting if a bit friendlier. This is the audio equivalent of peanut butter on toast for supper. I hope he was a better merchandise manager.
6. Maggie Rose - Girl in Your Truck Song
7. Raelynn - God Made Girls
8. Chase Rice - Ready Set Roll
9. FGL/Luke Bryan - This is How We Roll
10. Brantley Gilbert/Thomas Rhett/Justin Moore - Small Town Throwdown
Dishonorable mention: Scotty McCreery - Feelin' It
Dec 17, 2014
|Really disgusting Luke Bryan panties|
|Mama failed. ("Mama Tried" thong)|
|Autographed baseball from renowned stars of the diamond, Rascal Flatts|
|Autographed Big & Rich panties.|
|Florida-Georgia Line prayer candles. You're going to hell if you buy these.|
|A vintage Aaron Tippin muscle shirt which is actually pretty awesome|
|A hideous personalized Brantley Gilbert shirt|
|Lady A earrings for the girl or progressive fellow with three ears|
|A Megadeth bib for the headbanging rugrat in your life|
|This Scotty McCreery fried chicken ad|
|And... this "A Country Boy Can Survive" inspired taxidermy sculpture|