Showing posts with label Top 10 Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top 10 Lists. Show all posts

Nov 22, 2022

Top 10 Things Dan + Shay Fans are Thankful For This Year



10. That Babs didn’t use too much seasoning on the boiled chicken at the supper party last night


9. That Dan + Shay didn’t play the CMA’s so they didn’t have to accidentally hear any twang, fiddles, or steel guitars this year


8. That vodka is the same color as water


7. That their neighbors who listened to rap music and grilled on the front porch moved out


6. 20% discounts at the loaded tea place because they forced their son to work there


5. That their name isn’t actually Karen, because that would be too on the nose


4. That both Dan and Shay are happily married; they were concerned they might be gay so they’d have to stop liking them


3. That Jerry got the Christmas bonus early so they can book their 29th Disney vacation for next year


2. That wooden decorative signs with cliches on them are 50% off at Hobby Lobby this week


1. That their husband agreed to stop listening to scary Cody Childers or Waylon Haggard music in the house after the threat of no nookie



Aug 17, 2022

Top 10 Things You Might See at a Five Finger Death Punch / Brantley Gilbert Concert

Five Finger Death Punch and Brantley Gilbert are going on tour. 

For real. Here are the top ten things you might see if you went.



10. Everybody mad dogging each other instead of watching the show


9. Many neckbeards, but few necks


8. Nobody singing along because somebody might call them gay for singing


7. Punisher tattoos


6. Roid gut


5. A camel clutch wrestling hold executed to perfection


4. 7 women, all working at concession stands


3. Really aggressive t-shirts with way too many words on them


2. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of fists bruised from punching walls


1. People in the 1% of worst music taste in America



Bonus thing: Several heartwarming reunions of cops and the people they arrested



Jun 21, 2022

Top 10 Ways Hick-Hop Fans Are Saving Money During This Inflation

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10. Citrus Drop instead of Mountain Dew for the baby’s bottle

9. Generic illegal prescription pills

8. Only going mudding four times a month

7. Turning their underwear inside out after a couple days for a few more days of wear

6. Building up tolerance to taste of unleaded so they can syphon more

5. Making their own t-shirts at home

4. Stealing mufflers AND catalytic converters

3. Just letting the herpes fester; it ain’t going away anyway

2. Cutting their meth with 10% more baking soda
(it’s good for your teeth!)

1. Leaving Cousin Grandpa in jail this time instead of bailing him out

Jan 5, 2022

Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Koe Wetzel Fans


Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for Koe Wetzel Fans

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10. Get serious for their 9th year of community college


9. Complete the full collection of Pit Vipers



8. Get a tattoo to cover up that seemingly permanent groin rash



7. Get LED bars put on both jet skis



6. Continue boycotting those motherf***king b***hes at the p***y ass Great Texas Balloon Race



5. Not wear wife beater to the job interview next time



4. See the doctor about this dark yellow pee



3. Not get anybody pregnant at LTJ fest this year



2. Wrestlemania. Jerry World. Both nights.



1. Jack Daniels, Taco Bell, Hangover + raging shits, Repeat



———


~By Trailer with some input from someone who could dance that slow Uvalde shuffle


Nov 24, 2021

Top 10 Things Morgan Wallen Fans are Thankful for This Year


10. That mainstream country is so bad, Morgan sounds almost like Hank Jr. in comparison



9. That “Let’s Go Morgan” kinda sounds like “Let’s Go Brandon”



8. Thanks to Autofill, you only have to remember how to spell your name once



7. That the mullet trend has outlasted its welcome (they’ve had once since pre-k)



6. That their digestive system has finally healed after that ‘drinking bleach’ incident



5. High inflation makes stolen catalytic converters more valuable



4. The burn scars from dropping a frozen turkey in the fryer last year are finally fading



3. The “Carolina squat” is only banned in the Carolinas



2. That they aren’t famous enough to have their racial slur videos made public



1. McRib is back


Aug 19, 2021

Top 10 Things Morgan Wallen Fans are Also Fans Of

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10. Cutting across three lanes on the interstate in their Carolina squatted pickup truck so they don’t miss their exit for the vape shop

9. Business in front, party in the back

8. Complaining about the health dangers of wearing a mask while vaping and downing their 6th White Claw


7. Saying that word around their friends and cutting their eyes at the mixed race guy to see if he’s mad


6. Screaming profanities at their boyfriend in his Carolina squatted pickup truck in the parking lot beside Sonic on Friday nights


5. Calling people who don’t like Morgan’s music libtards


4. “Collecting” copper wiring


3. Hunting out of season


2. Acting indignant that rappers can say that word even though that’s all they’ve been listening to in their Carolina squatted pickup truck


1. Pretending they were Morgan Wallen fans before February 2021

Aug 11, 2021

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 70s Country

 I can’t believe these jerks!


10. Olivia Newton-John

First person to say “country music has to evolve with the times.” Stands in the aisle as soon as the plane stops.  (2022 update: RIP ONJ!)


9. Don Gibson

Made us all very sad with his forlorn ass songs. Did this on purpose. 


8. Moe Bandy

Wore the “Bandy the Rodeo Clown” outfit to actual rodeos trying to pull buckle bunnies. Claims to be the most famous country singer from Meridian, Mississippi. 


7. The Bellamy Brothers

Used the terrible pickup lines from their songs in real life. Used to throw used prophylactics out the window of their tour bus.


6. Freddy Fender

Only sang his two biggest hits as a 2 minute medley in concert. Used the rest of the time to perform Mexican dirges. Stomped out half smoked joints before asking if anybody wanted the rest.


5. Sonny James

Big timed everybody after he got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. First artist to sell VIP meet & greets. Used both armrests in the movie theater even if someone was beside him. 


4. Barbara Mandrell

Doesn’t mute background noise during Zoom meetings. Sent a CMA Entertainer of the Year award back because it only had her name engraved and not “Sweetheart of the Steel.” Makes her sisters sit at the kids’ table at holiday meals.


3. Kenny Rogers

Put tiny amounts of actual crack in his Kenny Rogers Roasters chicken to get people addicted. Was the first person referred to as “Mr. Steal Yo Girl.” Never replaced the toilet paper.


2. Crystal Gayle

Used that ultra long hair to ‘accidentally’ trip more than one up-and-coming opening act. Thinks she’s the best sibling from her family since she was the only one born in a hospital. Uses approximately 230 complimentary shampoo bottles to wash her hair when she’s at a hotel.


1. Mel Tillis

The stuttering was just an act for “branding.” After Coe left him out of “You Never Even Called Me By My Name,” Tillis spread the rumor that Coe did the Johnny Rebel albums. King of the SBDs. Was planning to record a hick-hop album before his passing. 



Jun 16, 2021

Top 10 Reasons Upchurch Fans Missed His Concert


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10. Lab mishap got me laid up for a few days


9. Had a club meeting that night and had to get my hood cleaned; it was a whole thing


8. Biden’s fault; couldn’t afford gas to get there


7. Was busy visiting our nation’s Capital


6. Was reading Hillbilly Elegy and time got away from me


5. Had to work a double shift running the Tilt-a-Whirl


4. Currently residing in state detention facility


3. Hanging out with friends and time got away from me


2. Not possible to stay 100 feet from all the women with restraining orders against me at the same time


1. I got court



May 19, 2021

Top 10 Ways to Be a TikTok Americana Artist


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10. Look up “authentic” in the dictionary and then try to fake it


9. Force yourself to binge listen to Tyler Childers when you’d rather be playing Polo G and DaBaby


8. Search “Cavender’s” in your Google maps app



7. Learn to strum a few chords that can be used for just about any cliche Americana standard you choose to cover on Tik Tok


6. Be handsome, but look like you’ve been out riding fences, whatever that means



5. Take a semester off from Bucknell, grow out facial hair



4. Buy a bunch of caps at the county co-op or even better, some vintage ones off eBay



3. Learn to sing in a throaty scream: shallow people will think that’s soulful



2. Cover “Cover Me Up” so poorly that only girls who think you’re cute pretend to like it


1. Do at least one video talking shit about Kane Brown and Sam Hunt but make your Spotify plays private first


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