Top 10 Things Kid Rock Fans are Thankful For This Year

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10. That the Kid Rock tour is coming to town next year, since they legally can’t leave town

9. Last kid aging out of child support payments this year

8. That they don’t have to keep their fetish of calling people “re***d” and “fa***t” on Twitter a secret anymore

7. Blue Chew

6. That Whiskey Riff will continue to give them hard-hitting news about Bob Ritchie, along with all the latest national park animal attacks, Kelce brothers rage-bait, and generic merch.

5. Their favorite beer Bud Light okay to drink again since Kid Rock does it

4. Found a new untapped source of copper wire nearby

3. That the majority of Americans voted the way that they would have if they were legally allowed to vote

2. Steel Reserve’s new flavor: Cherry Slushie

1. Midget mud wrasslin’ coming to town the night after Thanksgiving

Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a Jason Aldean Fan Say

By Trailer and Jeremy Harris

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10. I’ve decided to take the light bars off my truck because 

they're causing other drivers to have difficulty seeing.

09. Take that Trump Bible off your Christmas list son; 

a regular King James will suffice.

08. Sorry I took up too many spaces in the Petco parking lot. I hope I didn’t cause too much inconvenience. I’ll watch myself in the future.

07. Yes officer, I do know why you pulled me over.

06. No it doesn’t itch

05. Of course I like Tyler Childers; I’d never let political or societal differences keep me from enjoying the music I want to listen to.

4. Women should have the right to…

03. You’re my cousin?? We have to stop this immediately.

02. You know, I'm not voting for her, but Kamala

is actually making a few good points.

01. Sorry the child support was late this month; 

I added a couple hundred for your troubles.

Top 10 Things Taylor Swift Might’ve Been Saying in This Picture

10. It’s all going according to plan, ahahahahahahahaha! (evil villain laugh)

9. Can we leave so we can beat the traffic?

8. “Mean” wasn’t actually about Trigger at Saving Country Music

7. It’s all true. I’m only dating you to raise my visibility or your visibility, not sure which. But anyway, yeah… Carl wearing wraparound shades in his F-150 ranting on TikTok is 100% correct. Sorry. 

6. KC BBQ is better than Texas and beans go in chili

5. Reba is doing the national anthem for the Super Bowl and not me?? What exactly am I dating you for?

4. Don’t tell anybody but I think that Ben Shapiro rap song kind of slaps

3. Brittany wants to go out for flaming shots at Poets after this, you in?

2. You really blew that play in the 3rd quarter; you were supposed to pick up the blitz you little bitch.

1. HAIL SATAN

Top 10 Ways to Know a Country Album Sucks Without Listening to It

10. It’s a solo album from either Florida or Georgia Line

9. The producer has as many songwriter credits as the singer

8. It comes in a box set you have to buy from Bass Pro Shop

(Kidding, it may be good but I’ll never know)

7. The deluxe version came out a month after the regular version

6. Dudes who say “facts” and “bruh” a lot enjoy it

5. The artist’s surname is Lynch, and their first name is Dustin

4. The promotional content mentioned them “experimenting with electro-pop and EDM”

3. If the artist is Shania Twain, and the year of release is post 2000

2. (Featuring Diplo)

1. There are enough songwriters listed to field a Division II college football team

9 Things Working Musicians Want Live Music Fans to Know

Top 10 Ways to Be the “Next Big Thing” in Country/Americana

By Jeremy Harris and Trailer

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10. Stop showering

9. Sound like Morgan Wallen

8. Have a throaty growl that sounds like you’re getting over a sinus infection

7. Get nominated for a Best New Artist award 7 years into your career

6. Only drink beer brewed within 20 miles of your home county 

5. Mention Ohio in your song but live 1 state south of there

4. Sound like Tyler Childers

3. Get a shout-out from Jay Potta

2. Grow a mustache that suggests you lost a bet

1. Sound like Zach Bryan

Bonus from Country Universe:

Be rumored to be dating Morgan Wallen

Top 10 Questions People Ask Morgan Wallen Fans

By Jeremy and Trailer

10. Do you know why I pulled you over?

9. Is it necessary to duct tape over the Bud Light logo on the can?

8. Can you explain this 6 year employment gap?

7. Sir, did you pay for that?

6. I know you spent $1,200 on Wallen tickets but could you please pay your rent this week?

5. Could you please leave, ma'am? This is a library… with books. Morgan went to The Library, a bar.

4. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?

3. How do you feel about Morgan Wallen’s best song being written by a liberal?

2. Do you know about… other music?

1. Could you go pee in this cup?

Top 10 Ways to Become an Americana Singer

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10. Have a moderately popular rock, hardcore, or punk band in your 20s then turn 30

09. Move to East Nashville; stop bathing

08. Stand in front of mirror and say “I ain’t no part of nothin’”

07. Quit heroin

06. Be the offspring of a country music or folk legend

05. Be born named Colt, Colter, Cody, or Zach

04. Drink the water in Kentucky, apparently

03. Be either a hater of all political views or an outspoken lefty, there is no in-between

02. Be a Townes Van Zandt fan who majored in poetry and knows how to play a few chords; get fired from your job at one of the following: train depot / co-op / ranch / hardware store / horse farm.

01. Get face and/or neck and/or knuckle tattoos