Nov 18, 2022
Nov 4, 2022
Aug 11, 2022
Did this back in 2013. Not an exact science and honestly just cherry picking for clickbait ...many of the best songs were written by 2-3 people, but who cares when you're deriding committee written dreck?
Jul 19, 2022
Mar 17, 2022
10. A built in audience of TikTok fans you duped into thinking you were talented
9. A gym membership
8. Generic, character-free male country voice
7. Willingness to be an opening act forever (females)
6. Willingness to be a headliner with your own bus right out of the gate (males)
5. Ability to politely say nothing with many words, when asked about a serious topic in an interview
4. Strong knowledge of hair care techniques, including advanced shampoo and condition, heat protection, volumizer, mousse, and shine serum
3. Have large or new family and only talk about them ever and nothing else
2. Musical inspirations must include at least 3 of the following: 21 Pilots, John Mayer, Lil Wayne, Drake, Ariana Grande, Sugar Ray, Kanye, Keith Urban, Imagine Dragons, Taylor Swift (pop era).
1. Be boring as dry dog shit
Jan 21, 2022
Dec 8, 2021
Clay Walker - Texas to Tennessee
You’re a huge 90s country fan with kids and a busy life, and you didn’t actually listen to this album. You just assumed it was good because Clay Walker.
Strand of Oaks - In Heaven
You haven’t been out of the house in 19 months except to get packages from Smoke Cartel off the porch. You’re apolitical except about weed.
Sturgill Simpson - The Ballad of Dood & Juanita
You are a sports writer or a Sturgill Stan. You spent a great deal of time making fun of Hillbilly Elegy on Twitter this year.
You can only listen to happy music because even a Hallmark movie is too emotionally roiling for you. You have argued passionately online about how Niko is in fact a country singer, and then you forgot he existed a month later when his second single tanked, and you only remember him now because he was number one on your Spotify Wrapped.
You are whatever hipsters are called in 2021. You raged when this album was left out of the Grammy country nominations, but only because everyone else in your social bubble was doing the same. You have never heard Same Trailer, Different Park.