Showing posts with label MGK. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MGK. Show all posts
Dec 31, 2024
Dec 20, 2024
Jelly Roll to Record Duet With You
He plans to show up at your house around 7ish this evening to begin workshopping the project. Singing lessons will be unnecessary as Mr. Roll believes you have a “hip everyman/woman vibe" that will translate well to his 376th song in the last 2 years.
The song will be a rock-fueled soul-country song written by 32 of Nashville’s top songwriters. It will be released as a one-off single, but if it gains traction, he may put it on a deluxe edition of an upcoming album.
You and Jelly will perform the song together at one of his 76 upcoming appearances on either a bowl game, morning show, awards show, parade, or late night show. You may even be brought out to duet the tune at a few concerts in the next few months.
You will join a celebrated throng of artists who have shared recorded media with the former hick-hop rapper, such as MGK, Brooks & Dunn, Lainey Wilson, Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, Eminem, Dustin Lynch, his tattoo artist, Jessie Murph, Tech N9ne, Post Malone, Skylar Grey, OneRepublic, Halsey, Bailee Ann, Falling in Reverse, Brantley Gilbert, Struggle Jennings, Joyner Lucas, his accountant, Upchurch, Keith Urban, Wiz Khalifa, Alexandra Kay, Ilsey, Merkules, Hollywood Undead, ERNEST, Craig Morgan, Lil Wyte, Tommy Vext, Cody Johnson, and a few thousand others.
After say, March 2025, you will resume your normal life, while Mr. Roll will return to the studio to begin work on his next album, EP, live album, and several dozen more collaborations.
Adapted from an old Country California story about Willie Nelson.
Dec 17, 2024
The 10 Worst "Country" Songs of 2024
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1. Alli Walker “Nashville”
This may be God’s punishment on humanity for the way we’ve been acting lately. With my luck, it’ll show up on my Spotify Wrapped next year for listening to it twice and I’ll have to delete my account. I’m sure the drunk bachelorettes love downing vodka crans and falling off the curb to this abomination. As Reginald Spears is prone to say, I’d rather slip in piss and fall in shit than ever hear this again. There’s a line between fun and stupid, and this one trips over it like bridesmaid Baighleigh from Mobile on a bender down Broadway.
I thought pop singer Tate McRae had the most execrable vocals I’d ever heard until Jessie Murph hit my eardrums. The ASPCA should support legislation banning its play within hearing range of pets. This isn’t actually a country song, but since she has a current country single, I’m calling it fair game. Jelly Roll doesn’t help matters any. Most of what I write in these silly summaries is over-the-top hyperbole, but this honestly does make me recoil in disgust.
3. Kane Brown & Marshmello “Miles on It”
Whatever the drones are up to is more of a net positive for society than this song.
4. MGK ft Jelly Roll “Lonely Road”
This is way worse than Charlie Rich burning John Denver’s entertainer of the year card on stage. Show some respect. If anyone deserves to be gatekept out of country music, it's this male skank.
5. Graham Barham “M.I.A”
Dog shit. Yeah I’m old and nearly every song I hate this year is mostly because of the beats, but geez give it a rest. This is a brain-dead bro-country song but somehow worse than bro-country. That it’s come to this is an indictment of the American education system. People who listen to this are prone to passing you on the shoulder going 90 in their suburban assault truck with their high beams on.
Lifeless voice. Same old same old lyrics. Almost no melody to speak of. A face that makes you want to punch him and whoever’s standing beside him. And of course, beats inspired by 2018 rap songs to appeal to dudes whose dad spent $8k unsquatting their truck in the past year. Crap.
Somehow this dreck sounds a lot better after hearing Alli Walker’s song, but it’s still a soulless money grab of a twangy hip-hop-pop song. I’m no conspiracy theorist, but it’s funny how this trap beat infused throwaway music and its ilk came out shortly after many of us began praising the return of semi-traditional sounds to the country mainstream. The only single-name artist who’s any good is Ernest, and he almost made the list too with his Wallen collab “Cowgirls.”
8. Redferrin “Just Like Johnny”
June would slap the shit out of this guy for using Johnny’s addiction so flippantly in his little song. Redferrin is the less successful of the two major Morgan Wallen knockoffs, Tucker Wetmore being the other. With songs like this, hopefully he stays that way.
The silver lining to Florida-Georgia Line's breakup barfing out 2 pop-country bros is that at least this guy doesn't get airplay. Of course this douchebag is “crankin’ Hank.” Take your beach cowboy ass and go start a western themed surf shop or something. Singing isn’t your thing, bro. And if this is a diss track, it makes Drake seem intimidating.
10. Bailey Zimmerman “New to Country”
Bailey’s parents need to get him back on the Vyvanse.
Dishonorable Mentions:
Dylan Schneider “Carhartt”
Niko Moon “These Are the Days”
Anything by Dylan Scott
Nov 13, 2024
Aug 16, 2024
Taste of Country Rebrands as Taste of Jelly Roll
TOS senior editor Billy Dukes announced the rebrand in a press conference featuring the titular pop-country star. “We’re proud to move Taste of Country into a new partnership and a new era,” began Dukes. “With Jelly Roll quickly evolving from rural rapper to omnipresent megastar, and every other story on our page already being about him, we felt it only logical to make this switch.”
Dukes went on to inform the throng of journalism interns forced to cover the event that Jason DeFord (Jelly Roll’s real name) would be brought in not only to guide content about himself, but to write a daily journal for the site. “Whether he’s getting his teeth fixed, delivering a devastating choke slam on WWE, collaborating with every single artist alive, or just hanging out with his wife, Jelly brings clicks and clicks bring money so this is a no-brainer.” said Dukes.
Mr. DeFord himself spoke glowingly of this new business and entertainment venture. “Their writers were already texting me about 15 times a day to ask what I was doing at that moment, so I figured, why not just put me on staff?” laughed Jelly Roll. DeFord’s appearance was jovial but short, as he had 17 guest vocals to record later that morning.
Billy Dukes made sure to reassure everyone that sister website The Boot would continue to cover news about Post Malone, MGK, Morgan Wallen, and other artists who pull strong traffic to the purported country music site. “And we’ll still be bringing you the latest in franchise closure news, for whatever reason we do that.” he laughed.
At press time, Jelly Roll was petting a dog.
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