Farce the Music: Dierks Bentley

Showing posts with label Dierks Bentley. Show all posts

Nov 28, 2022

New Video / Dierks Bentley ft. Billy Strings / "High Note"

Nov 4, 2022

The Crud Report: November 2022

Apr 7, 2022

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: April '22

A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive. Total score below the chart.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-8) overall which is an 8 point drop from January (the previous time we did this chart). The best song is Carly Pearce/Ashley McBryde’s “Never Wanted to Be That Girl.” The worst is Walker Hayes’ “AA” (big surprise, huh?). The songs are getting dumber as summer nears, like they usually do.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Oct 29, 2021

Cledus T. Judd Retires, Unable to Parody Modern Country Music

For the second time, country music satirist/parody writer Cledus T. Judd has put his pen and microphone away, announcing his immediate retirement from the music business. The writer/performer of such classics as “My Cellmate Thinks I’m Sexy” and “Living Single in a Doublewide” says he will now focus on family and his home restoration business.

Judd already retired once, in 2015, after deciding to spend more time with his family. That retirement ended in 2018 when Ray Stevens begged him back onto the stage.

“I almost got cancelled that time around when I put out that Morgan Wallen parody “(Weight’s Goin’) Up Down, Up Down,” laughed Judd. “Weight Watchers and Gary Levox were pissed!” He went on to say that today’s social sensitivities aren’t conducive to his brand of humor. Still, he considers that a distant second to the true reason he’s calling it quits for good.

“It’s already a parody of itself! There’s nothing for me to do,” said Judd, real name Barry Poole, of modern country music. “I guess I could just sing the existing songs in a funnier voice to let the listener know how ridiculous lyrics like “ayyy my girl is bangin’” and “we turning up, got double cups” already are.” Poole said he longed for the days of the nineties and early two-thousands when mainstream country subject matter was varied and the writing was full of imagery.

“I looked at the chart yesterday and half the songs were thirty-something dudes singing songs about twenty-something dudes picking up girls at a bar and hitting the backroads. That’s like if all my songs were about bodily functions… oh wait.” he winked. “Anyway, with ‘truck’ in every song… the only funny words that rhyme are ‘suck’ and the f-word, neither of which are in my ‘PG but still somehow offensive’ wheelhouse.”

As we closed out the interview, Judd went off on a short tangent attempting to come up with parody titles of current songs on the spot as if reconsidering his decision. “Fanning my poots” …no, “blowing you”… hell no, “best thing since fat girls” …screw it. I’m done.”

Oct 12, 2021

Honest CMA Male Vocalist Nominees Voter's Guide

Oct 11, 2021

More Monday Morning Memes: Sam Hunt, Willie Nelson, Danzig

Mar 17, 2021

Deleted Scenes from Country Videos 4

(Niko Moon)

Jan 8, 2021

Fixing Sexist Country Titles

https://thehill.com/homenews/532547-cleaver-concludes-congressional-prayer-amen-and-awoman

Jun 17, 2020

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 2000s Country

Some would imagine that the fan-friendly, upbeat country music scene of 2000-2009 would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as the more recent country music diaspora. Some would be very, very wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.

10. Jo Dee Messina

Brings a Coke can into church so she has somewhere to spit her dip. Constantly brags about her Peloton.

9. Billy Currington

Once fought with an old guy about a boat wake or something. [edit: being told this actually happened]

Considers his duet with Shania Twain the highpoint of her career.

8. Sara Evans

At concerts, will only perform her biggest hits as spoken word. Made Trick Pony use a utility closet as a dressing room when they opened for her.

7. Brad Paisley

Working with legal team to get “dad jokes” copyrighted so he can sue everybody who uses the term. When people join his group text promotion, he sells their numbers to escort services.

6. Dierks Bentley

Publicly and profanely humiliates anyone who misspells his name. Eats Taco Bell on his bus. Uses the bathroom on his band’s bus.

5. Phil Vassar

Plays “Bobbi with an I” as his encore at concerts. Avoids eye contact with anyone shorter than him. Has an album of Drake covers coming out soon.

4. Cyndi Thomson

Bogarts the joint. “I Crossfit” is her entire Facebook bio. Won’t use the zipper merge in traffic.

3. Steve Holy

Cheats at foosball. Won’t flush a floater. Performs Tekashi 6ix9ine songs on Tik Tok.

2. Mark Wills

Covers a Wheeler Walker Jr. song when he sees there are lots of kids at his concert. Still does the “flaming bag of shit” prank on neighbors despite being in his 40s. Has long conversations in front of what you need at Walmart.