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Never Forget!

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Know When to Walk Away

Every #1 Country Song of the 2000s: 2007

2007

January 6: "She's Everything" by Brad Paisley

So how did Brad Paisley follow up a cheesy yet boring list song? With another cheesy and even more boring list song. This one is just a list of random objects that represent the woman in his life, and while it's played more seriously than "The World," it still feels like too much of a carbon copy. It's not helped at all by some absolutely drab production and vocals, which are shackled to a very static melody. A couple of the lines actually do work, such as the slight chuckle on "stealer of the covers" and the mention of an "unborn children's mother," and a sudden spark of emotion at "she's the one I'd lay down my own life for" (as over-the-top as that sentiment may be). But these brief moments are mere speckles of color in an otherwise total sea of gray. As frustratingly hit-and-miss as Brad may be, at least most of his songs manage not to be boring. But this is one of the first I actually would describe as boring. C-

January 27: "Watching You" by Rodney Atkins

There's some intangible cutesy-ness to the melody that makes me think "diaper commercial" more than I would like, but other than that, this is far less cloying than I expected. I actually heard a station play this song before it was a single, and I thought it had potential. By this point, Rodney had settled into a gravelly tone that made his songs instantly less slick, and it works in this one's favor. I like that the examples set by the father to his son are both bad (swearing) and good (praying), and that the father has a sense of remorse over the former. It's a bit more nuanced than these father-son narratives usually get. I'm not a parent and I don't ever plan to be, but I can understand where this guy's coming from and the narrative feels like something that could have actually happened. B+

February 24: "It Just Comes Natural" by George Strait

It's almost like George and longtime producer Tony Brown knew they had a light-hearted list song, so they went a little extra on the production. There's a slight reverb/processing effect on George's vocal here, and even if he clearly fluffs the note on "tumbleweeds roll," it's otherwise a bit of a different take that adds a little more grit. The production and chord progression also have a gently insistent groove that remains a little left of center for King George. Again, this is a very lightweight song -- just listing off random things as "natural" as his love for his woman -- but the charismatic delivery, deliberate word choice, and most importantly the production all make it considerably weightier and less infantile than, say, "I Just Want to Dance with You." B

March 10: "Ladies Love Country Boys" by Trace Adkins

How was this the song that finally got him back to the top a full decade after the fantastic "(This Ain't) No Thinkin' Thing"? I admit, "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" never got under my skin, because any song with a lyric like "got it goin' on like Donkey Kong" is clearly too silly to be lecherous. This one isn't nearly as cringe as predecessor "Swing" nor as reeking of toxic masculinity as "I Got My Game On," but at its best, it's still a weak rehash of "Trashy Women" without that song's obvious tongue-in-cheek tone. The narrative of "upscale city woman falls for a country boy" has been done to death, and this brings nothing new to the table other than him trying too hard to bend "subdivision" to rhyme with "chicken" (presumably she came from a "mansion somewhere in Wiscansin"?) and an annoying, clashing chorus of "na na na"s. It's just messy and boring at the same time. Skip this and go straight to "I Wanna Feel Something." D+

March 24: "Beer in Mexico" by Kenny Chesney

Silly observation of the day: I love that the Wikipedia article on this song has to be at "Beer in Mexico (song)" because the title "Beer in Mexico" is used for the history of, well, beer in Mexico. Because to me, that's far more interesting than the song. While Kenny's forte is usually that sense of introspection, he kind of failed to stick the landing on The Road and the Radio. This is just a warmed-over rehash of "Living in Fast Forward" only with some barely-audible mariachi horns in the chorus and a much weaker hook. (I think the main problem is him trying to match that inward looking lyric with a way too loud production style. He'd gotten the balance right before, and he'd get it right again.) It's a shame that by far the two good songs off this album didn't get to #1. On the plus side, this is just a momentary dip before some damn good cuts later in the decade. B-

April 14: "Last Dollar (Fly Away)" by Tim McGraw

I'm embarrassed to admit I love this one. It's loud, gaudy, and over the top in a way that screams "yep, Big Kenny wrote it," but that's why I dig it so much. This dude's just infectiously happy despite all the things going on in his life, but he never feels like a Pollyanna. Hard times are there; they just aren't cutting him down. "If I ain't got nothin', I got nothin' to hold me back" is a brilliant way of expressing this. But what really sends this one over the top for me is how much fun Tim and producer Bryon Gallimore seemed to be having in the studio. There's a cheerfulness to his delivery, enhanced by the blasting guitars, the "ha ha ha ha"s, flanger effect, and even his kids singing along. Like so many of his other #1 hits from this era, I'm baffled as to why this one seemingly had zero staying power. We need more unabashed happiness like this in music. A

April 21: "Wasted" by Carrie Underwood

When I bought her first album, this was the track to me that was just begging to be released as a single. Both sides of my family are alcoholics, and I've long feared becoming one of them -- so a narrative where someone kicks the habit is always compelling to me. I like how this shows two separate people struggling with their addictions, implying their stories may even intertwine in some way. There's no judgment or moralizing; just two people who've hit rock bottom and are looking for a way back up. I also love the image of the moon and sun floating side by side, implying the days are blending together. I also like how "wasted" refers not just to intoxication, but also by the time and resources lost to a bad habit. The timbales in the production add some nice sonic flourishes, and Carrie's all-in vocal delivery is perfectly matched to the performance. By nailing a tough topic, this one is easily among her best. A+

May 12: "Stand" by Rascal Flatts

This song has so many interesting similes: a candle in a hurricane, a picture with a broken frame, and so on. Unfortunately, for all the somewhat inspired imagery, it never does anything with them. What do all these images mean when placed next to each other? Also, it kind of derails on the chorus with "When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of." You taste what you made of? Where did that come from? They all build up to an image of dusting yourself off and standing back up -- an inspired and necessary message, sure, but none of the surrounding verses have anything to do with it. (And what does "life's like a novel with the end ripped out" even mean?) The slick over-production and strident vocals -- again, thankfully not as bombastic as they'd get later in the game -- recall the bland, interchangeable CCM my boss listens to at work. If you did get something out of this, then I won't take it away from you. But to me, it's just Motivational Song Mad Libs. C-

May 19: "Settlin'" by Sugarland

This one starts off strong with an interesting organ riff and doesn't let up. Jennifer's vocal is on fire, and Kristian carries a bit more of the song than usual for a reminder that yes, this is a duo. Lyrically, it's a bit of a rehash of "Something More" and "Just Might (Make Me Believe)" with its whole yearning for a better life (to the point that it even reuses the former's reference to red wine), but if you're going to revisit themes, those are far from bad songs to draw inspiration from. The title lyric "I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything" says more, and more emphatically, in eight words than the entirety of "Stand" did. And in some interesting inside baseball, this song got the #1 position over "Stand" due to the only ever tie on the Billboard country charts, with "Settlin'" getting the position because it gained in airplay while "Stand" decreased. I guess they weren't "settlin'" after all. B+

May 26: "Good Directions" by Billy Currington

I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of how turning right at the fork in the road will bring her back around to him. Maybe they're on a circular road? Whatever, this song's too charming for me to let that bring it down. Billy's delivery is charming and laid-back, sounding just like the kind of country boy who'd be asked for directions -- and then chew himself out for not even getting the name of the pretty lady who stopped in the first place. It sounds like the kind of small town where strangers really would offer directions and sweet tea to lost passers-by, and the way the punch line (and title) is held off until the very end is genuinely clever. I also like that the contrast between the city girl and country boy is never played for any sense of superiority or cultural clash -- they just are who they are. Even a novelty song can have layers, and this one is all the better for it. A

June 16: "Moments" by Emerson Drive

The "homeless man offers advice" trope is so well-worn, but this is probably the best take on it. The narrator is planning to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge when he is stopped by said homeless man, who tells a bit of his own life story. Of course, the narrator shares his own too, and it's that realization -- that level of detail -- that immediately makes this song a million times better than its setup would have you think. At no point do those first two verses feel trite; in fact, it's subtle commentary on the situation of homeless veterans and on those of us with inferiority complexes. (I've never felt suicidal myself, but I can relate to someone who still does positives, like this man's giving up alcohol, yet still feels like it wasn't enough.) They both walk away with newfound re-contextualizations of the big and small things in life. But to me, the best part is that the song continues to characterize the homeless man in the third verse, painting him as a real human being and not just a dispenser of advice. Brad Mates' vocals are a lot warmer and more relaxed than usual, and the overall melancholic yet subtly uplifting vibe recalls some of the high points in Sawyer Brown's career (e.g., "Cafe on the Corner," "All These Years"). This was easily their best song, and I'm glad they got recognition for it. A+

June 23: "Find Out Who Your Friends Are" by Tracy Lawrence feat. Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney

When you're stuck in an unfavorable situation, such as a car wreck or a moment of homelessness that requires you to couch-surf, those are the times when you find the people most willing to help you. The friends sung about here are the selfless, generous, charitable kind the world can use more of. It's a positive, relatable, charming message. And the way it's told here, at least lyrically, is on point without ever sounding trite or preachy. If you listen to the remix that has Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney chiming in, there's a sense of chemistry that underscores the message (and works on a meta level, because those two singers -- actual friends of Tracy's -- are the reason this song got to #1.) Even the production is delightfully chill. As with most Casey Beathard co-writes, literally the only mark against it is the rigid, uninspired melody -- those same so-mi-so-mi-so-mi-so runs that I can hear in well over half his body of work. As a music theory nerd, I can't ever not notice stuff like that,but I don't think the average listener would care too much. A- (McGraw/Chesney version) / B (solo version)

June 30: "Ticks" by Brad Paisley

Not long after this song came out, my house actually was hit with a tick infestation thanks to one of my dogs. So yeah, I'm not a fan of those little suckers. And the thought of checking someone for them, something I actually did have to do multiple times until we finally eradicated them? You're freaking gross, Brad. I get what you're going for with this sleazy, intentionally bad pickup line -- like some sort of modern-day "I'd Lie to You for Your Love" -- but why'd you have to pick that? Brad's voice continues to be much flatter and less charismatic than before, further helping to ensure that his tryhard comedy lands with a resounding thud (shame, since I do like the chicken-pickin' guitar work at the beginning). C-

July 7: "Lucky Man" by Montgomery Gentry

Things aren't going right for this guy: he hates his job and his favorite team lost, and he's stuck in a perpetual loop of the grass always being greener on the other side. But before he spirals into cynicism, he takes stock of the fact that he's got the basics in life -- food, shelter, money, and love. From the chorus onward, the song continues in that more positive vibe, highlighting other minor victories in life (such as his dad surviving a health scare, a line that hits all the harder after Troy Gentry's sudden unexpected death). Record executives would later pan this album for being "too soft," but I think that softness results in some of Montgomery Gentry's most compelling moments and helps the more swaggering ones go down easier. This and "Some People Change" were a hell of a one-two punch in terms of tempering the macho with the meaningful. A+

July 21: "Lost in This Moment" by Big & Rich

One of the most surreal facts in country music history is that this, and not "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)," is Big & Rich's highest chart entry. Granted, Big & Rich were no strangers to ballads, and some of their best works ("8th of November," "Wild West Show") are among their more serious songs. John Rich has a surprisingly nuanced vocal read here, to the point that he manages to channel Hal Ketchum of all artists on the first verse. Big Kenny's crooning bass harmony is as on-point as ever, although there are times when both solo and together, they come dangerously close to cloying. Really, the only downfall of this song is that it's a generic wedding ballad, with none of the spark of their aforementioned best ballads. Of course, it doesn't help that their up-tempos became downright un-listenable ("Loud," "Party Like Cowboyz," "Fake ID"), nor that John dove headfirst into deeply troubling conservativism both on and off the record. (Fun fact: did you know the Twitter account for his Redneck Riviera bar has me blocked?) But on its own, this is just bland, which is not a word one would usually use to describe either their best or worst. C

August 4: "Never Wanted Nothing More" by Kenny Chesney

I told you we'd get back to the good Kenny Chesney songs. This one has a twangy, banjo-driven approach he'd never tried before or since, and he manages to fit it like a glove. The central concept of wanting all manner of things -- a car, a sexual encounter, marriage, and salvation -- flows naturally without ever feeling forced, a tough needle to thread in the "repurpose the chorus three times" formula. (Seriously, in a world where contrived examples like "Don't Take the Girl" and "Keep It Between the Lines" exist, this is one of the best ones.) Kenny also sounds invigorated on the verses, perhaps doing his best to channel a little bit of one of the writers. You know, some guy named Chris Stapleton. That something so spirited and credible is still only the second-best single off the album says a lot, both for this album cycle and for Kenny as a whole. A

September 8: "These Are My People" by Rodney Atkins

I think some of Rodney Atkins' best moments come from being a highly likable everyman. His previous hits didn't reach too high, and told relatable stories that sounded more lived-in thanks to his unpolished voice. This one sounds like it's going to be another paean to small-town life, but he goes out of his way to highlight the foibles. These are college dropouts who smoke and get a reality check when they realize they can't "run this town" and who get into fights during softball games, but at the end of the day, they've got each other's backs regardless. I also like how the melody slides down the scale then back up, almost as if melodically suggesting the line "we fall down and we get up." That's clever. Overall, this song is way more substantial than I remembered. A-

September 15: "More Than a Memory" by Garth Brooks

 I like how dark and moody the verses are -- images of him trying to forget her, deleting her number from his phone, and so on are then ripped away by that powerful chorus. It's easy to believe this guy is desperate to stop thinking about her, yet still finds himself driving by her house. He sounds miserable, angry, and drunk, and the hard-hitting chorus feels like he's screaming out in rage over this maelstrom of emotions. It's moodier, angrier, and heavier-produced than almost anything in Garth's catalog, helped by some strings and a resolution to a dissonant minor-second chord along a nearly whispered "forget." I can hardly think of any songs as raw and angry that were as successful -- to the point this literally debuted at number one. Garth's always been about being larger than life, and both in and out of context, this is one of his biggest. A+

September 22: "Take Me There" by Rascal Flatts

I'm amazed that this song took only ten weeks to hit #1 and spent three weeks there, because it had zero staying power -- it's not even certified gold, which is almost unheard of for a song with that strong of a chart showing. And it's not hard to see why. With an un-memorable droning guitar riff so badly mixed that it clips, the song goes nowhere and spends a lot of time doing it. Even the melody isn't that memorable, which is unusual for a Neil Thrasher co-write. The idea of being "taken" to his lover's favorite hangouts and places of memories is somewhat admirable, but both lyrically and production-wise, it just never gets off the ground. Literally the only thing that stands out is Gary's voice cracking on the line "tell me what yout story is." So yeah, it's not hard to see why this one fell off almost immediately. Fortunately, this album gave us the much more likable "Winner at a Losing Game"; unfortunately, it also gave us the train wreck that was "Bob That Head." C-

October 13: "Online" by Brad Paisley

I've been a lifelong victim of bullying, I am on the autism spectrum, and until my early 30s I still lived with my mom and worked fast food. So on a more cynical day, I might complain that this song cuts too close to home for me. On the other hand, as someone who turned to the furry fandom in high school, I can relate to the concept of being an unpopular sort who finds comfort in pretending to be someone or something else through the magic of the Internet. Also, Brad's laid-back delivery makes the song's tone not feel nasty or mean-spirited, and it's helped by some clever production tricks (such as the organ intro, which evokes 8-bit video games or dialup modems, and the auditory punchline of a marching band at the end). Plus, Brad just doesn't seem like the kind of guy to say something like "never been to second base" un-ironically, so it doesn't feel like a famous person punching way too far down. (Besides, who's to say the nerd's lines about his unpopularity aren't exaggerations too?) In short, this song is about a self-deprecating loser who finds solace in the escapism of the Internet -- in other words, it's about people like me, and I think it's pretty cool. A

October 20: "Love Me If You Can" by Toby Keith

Remember how I said I initially thought "American Soldier" was written entirely to try and soften the blow from "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue"? It turns out this song was a response. Lines like "I sometimes think that war is necessary / But every night I pray for peace on earth" sound like he's desperately trying to walk back, not apologize or reconcile. He wants to "agree to disagree," which can work when it's pizza toppings or tastes in country songs, but not so much when it's pushing fear-mongering and bigotry. I was an "able soul," yet I still didn't have a real job until I was 27. Would he have given me money, or just screamed "get a job, loser, and stop wasting taxpayers' money" at me? Even in the context of the song, I'm inclined to believe the latter. I'm also not a fan of him putting the title phrase into the mouth of Jesus, which just makes him sound wishy-washy. If you recall the account of Jesus turning over the money changers' tables in the temples, that was not the image of a half-hearted man. I also think it's kind of icky and egotistical for him to project himself onto Jesus. And to think people got mad when Phil Vassar had God say "all I'm asking for is love" in "This Is God"? I dunno, that sounds like a far more accurate and less ego-centric exegesis to me. This is just trying to cover up pandering with more pandering. D

October 27: "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney

Sympathetic portrayals of the elderly are a surefire way to get my attention. Here, the narrator hears a news interview with a 102-year-old man. The man's "secret to life" is "Don't blink; just like that, you're six years old and you take a nap / Then you wake up and you're 25..." I still remember some of the early 90s, when things from the 60s and 70s hadn't quite been put away yet -- things that were as far away then as my high school years are from now. I feel like I wasted a lot of my 20s through bad decisions, but nowadays, 37 isn't old. I've still got time to live life. I especially like how the second verse and bridge show the narrator reacting to the man's words and taking stock of his own life, which is exactly what this kind of song should set out to do. Kenny is relaxed but not lethargic, and the production is that calm but electric-driven sound he mastered around this point. Don't blink; you might just miss one of the best songs in a staggeringly strong discography. A+

November 24: "Free and Easy (Down the Road I Go)" 

by Dierks Bentley

The repetition of the title gets a little bit overbearing at times, but other than that, this one is about as "free and easy" as you can get. It's just a carefree ride that never feels laconic or lazy, and I love that banjo. Plus, who am I to argue against name-dropping the supremely talented Cross Canadian Ragweed? A good travel song always gets me in the mood, and sometimes it's okay to just have a low-stakes drive. This one has a very likable groove that just feels like the kind of relaxing, unwinding road trip it's singing about, and I think that's pretty neat. Got any room for me in the passenger seat, Dierks? B+

December 1: "So Small" by Carrie Underwood

Something about the concept of love making everything else feel so small just rubs me the wrong way. It feels like she's trivializing the troubles of the world -- not in a "don't worry, it'll be okay" manner, more of a "just think rainbows and puppies" manner. It comes dangerously close to an ignorant, Pollyana type of blind happiness. You mean to tell my depression, poverty, and being bullied will all go away with love? What is this, the Care Bears? (No pun intended.) I also think that the production and belting work against the message; why would you make the hook "so small" and then blast it to the rafters? Isn't that the least appropriate way to produce the word "small"? The message seems clumsy and insincere, and the bombastic vocals and delivery feel like they're trying way too hard for style over substance. No thanks. C-

December 22: "Our Song" by Taylor Swift

This was one of the most country sounding songs on her debut, thanks in no small part to that banjo. Although she wrote it at a relatively young age, there's a lot of thought put into it. The concept of tying one's memories to a song is well-worn, and the twist here is brilliant. Instead of naming a specific tune, their "song" is the sound effects of everyday life. Slamming screen doors, tapping on windows late at night, hesitant late-night phone calls; they're all believable images that tie into the theme. I also like the conclusion where she sings "I wrote down our song," putting an even greater meta spin on this whole trope without feeling cutesy or overdone. Her vocal delivery is a little rough (the last "real slow" almost has a valley-girl cadence that comes out of nowhere), but I think the lack of vocal polish just makes the rest of the song feel all the more charming. A 

Country Twitter Fails: August '24

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Every #1 Country Song of the 2000s: 2004

2004

February 7: "Remember When" by Alan Jackson

I don't know why, but Alan tends to hit hardest for me when he's being romantic. "Song for the Life" and "I'll Go On Loving You" are among my favorites of his, and so is this one. Maybe it's because I know about his temporary separation from long-time wife Denise, which is the kind of personal detail these songs often lack. Maybe it's just how naturally flowing the progress of this song is, from first meeting to various life changes to children to advancing age. Maybe it's the tender melody, with plenty of mandolin and just enough string section to sound lush without being bombastic -- not to mention the way the instrumental drops into a lower key before the last chorus raises it back up. Maybe it's the sense of finality with that last line "We won't be sad, we'll be glad / For all the life we had / And we'll remember when." All of these ingredients combine to make a country wedding standard that rivals "Look at Us" in how heartfelt and beautiful it is, touching even a heart as un-romantic as mine. A+

February 21: "American Soldier" by Toby Keith

I remember when this first came out, my immediate dismissal of it was "oh, he's just trying to placate those of us who didn't like 'Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue'." But then I heard Toby discuss the song on Bob Kingsley's Country Top 40, and he pointed out something I didn't notice the first time around. He doesn't actually get into the soldier stuff until the chorus. That whole first verse is just your standard family man, doing the best he can, working tirelessly... but it's not until the chorus that we find out it's because he's a soldier. He doesn't even add a verse after that; he just lets the twist stand on its own. Maybe the production is a little bombastic and on the nose (such as the bells), and maybe the lines about the soldier's duties aren't the most inspired either. But you know what? He got me with this one. And if he can nail the slow-burn on a patriotic song, then yeah, I'd say this one's all right. B+

March 20: "Watch the Wind Blow By" by Tim McGraw

This has to be the most forgotten of Tim McGraw's #1 hits. But I'd say that's more from being stuck in the shadow of an even bigger hit than anything else. This one has a very easy-going production style full of glassy guitar fills, Hammond organ, and a bit more drums than usual -- even before he starts singing, it just sounds like an easy-going walk with your lover on an autumn day. Sometimes it's okay if a song has low stakes like this; it's refreshing to just take in the everyday and enjoy the beauty of nature. I like that there's still some emotional investment in lines like "All your troubles and your sorrows, they won't last" to give the song a little more weight. It's a shame the wind blew this one away so quickly, because I think it's one of his most overlooked gems. A

April 3: "When the Sun Goes Down" by Kenny Chesney

feat. Uncle Kracker

Literally the only problem I have with this song is that it has Uncle Kracker on it. Oh well, it could be worse; it could've been Kid Rock. This one isn't trying to be anything more than a party-hearty sing-along, and on that front it succeeds. It's got an energy to its production, and the sonic surroundings make Uncle Kracker sound way less white-trash than usual. I also think it's interesting that it's one of the few #1 hits in this stretch to have only one writer. And "everything gets hotter when the sun goes down" is a hell of a hook. Maybe it's a bit of a letdown that something this lightweight fell between much meatier songs, but I can't fault him for wanting to have a little fun in between. B

May 8: "You'll Think of Me" by Keith Urban

While this one isn't as guitar-heavy, it's still a beautiful, evocative, calm look at a relationship that isn't working out. I like that it starts out with him driving around to clear his head, and even works in a "you'll regret it" to his ex. He walks an emotional tightrope between introspective and bitter, never sounding too light or too harsh. Lines like "I guess I'm getting just a little tired of this / And all the baggage that seems to still exist" and "take your cat but leave my sweater" -- the latter line being one I see singled out the most in talks about this song -- reveal a high level of detail. There is an incredible amount of emotion in every note of this, and it perfectly threads every single one. This is probably the most dramatic nuance crammed into a single song since "All These Years," and it's one of the most vivid takes on a breakup in the entire genre. A+

May 22: "Mayberry" by Rascal Flatts

Usually, it bothers me when people pine for a sanitized, Norman Rockwell-esque picture of "the good ol' days" when they're far too young to remember such a time. But this one goes out of its way to establish that the image longed for is a fictional one -- the setting of The Andy Griffith Show, for those of you not in the loop -- and that makes it go down easier. While lines like "Sunday was a day of rest / Now it's one more day for progress" come dangerously close to setting off my "OK, boomer" alarms, the desire to get away from it all is instantly relatable enough to pull it back. I also like that the image fades away at the end, driving home that this song's message is not a lecture, just escapism. It helps that Rascal Flatts were still pretty laid-back at this point, enhancing the "get away from it all" feel. B+

May 29: "Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson

Gretchen Wilson offered an enjoyable amount of grit right out of the gate. She prefers beer to champagne and she'd rather shop at Walmart than Victoria's Secret. She listens to Tanya Tucker and Lynyrd Skynyrd. This just sounds like the kind of people I know and have associated with, and I like that -- unlike most other songs of this sort -- she goes out of her way to explain why she's proud to be what Jeff Foxworthy once defined as a "glorious absence of sophistication." And for a novelty song -- especially one with the MuzikMafia's fingerprints all over it -- that's a surprising amount of nuance. The melody is anthemic, and Gretchen's rough, slightly off-pitch delivery works with the material instead of against it. Sure, she immediately went cartoonishly over-the-top with "Here for the Party" and "All Jacked Up," and her ballads almost entirely rang false. So maybe in the end, there wasn't much more to her than this. But what there was in this song is so damn different, relatable, and self-aware that I can't help but like it. B+

July 3: "If You Ever Stop Loving Me" by Montgomery Gentry

I'm surprised it took Montgomery Gentry so long to get a #1 hit, because it certainly wasn't an issue of quality. I could waste this entire review listing off all the songs of theirs I didn't get to rave about. Of course, that doesn't mean this one's unworthy. Right out of the gate we get one of the catchiest acoustic guitar riffs of the decade. The opening lines lay out that this is a tough man who withstood parental abuse and street fights to make him tough -- but just before you think it's going to be a machismo anthem, he drops this winner of a line: "Only God knows where I'd be / If you ever stop loving me." The late Troy Gentry has the right amount of swagger, playfulness, and grit to make the song hit just right, and the production's on point with its heavy bass, banjo, and even a turntable scratch. This was more than worthy of finally getting them to the top. A

July 10: "Whiskey Girl" by Toby Keith

I think the guitar tone alone raises this a notch or two for me. Other than that, there's not really a lot of flavor here. It's a standard "man, my girl is hot" lyric without a real hook. While "beer just makes her turn up her nose" is kind of a cute image and "but I like 'em rough" does stick out a bit for an intentional break in the rhyme scheme, everything else is extremely by-the-numbers. Thankfully, it doesn't feel nearly as creepy as Travis Tritt's "The Girl's Gone Wild," but that's about all I can say in its favor. This is just filler, and that's not usually a term I can use to describe a Toby Keith song, good or bad. C

July 17: "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw

Given my historic dislike of motivational mega-hits, you'd probably think I'd hate this one too. But unlike most, this one actually has a narrative instead of succumbing to sound-bites. It tells of a man who, faced with an unfavorable health diagnosis, gets (in Rick Trevino's words) a real bad case of carpe diem and goes off doing all the things he's previously denied himself. It's an uplifting message that I can't really fault, and I don't think the execution is terrible here, either. (It helps that a friend actually did have a cancer scare when I wrote this.) I may question how good of an idea it is to do such strenuous activities as skydiving when faced with a life-threatening illness. I may question why we needed to know the name of the bull he rides. I may question the odd scansion of "gave forgiveness I'd been denyin'." And I may question how much of that long note at the end was done without studio trickery, while also thinking the song gets just a tad bombastic at the end regardless. But at the end of the day, this one is just too likable and relatable for me to really get bothered by it. B+

April 7: "Somebody" by Reba McEntire

This is a bit of a different song for her, but it works. I like the acoustic guitar and Dobro intro, which give Reba a slightly different sonic palette. The narrative is believable, too: the guy's in a bad relationship he wants to get out of , and a waitress offers the solution: "somebody in the next car / Somebody on the morning train / Somebody in the coffee shop that you walk right by every day." After a failed attempt with someone else at his apartment complex, who does he end up falling in love with? You guessed it, the waitress. If you can see that ending coming, then chalk it up to Reba's warm, casual tone -- easily leagues above the plastic read of Mark Wills's original -- to get you there. I could totally believe this happening, and that's ultimately what makes it work. Reba didn't have her eyes on the charts for most of this decade, but I'm glad she got to the top again with a song strong enough to make me forgive the blatant chart manipulation scheme it took to get her there. A

September 11: "Girls Lie Too" by Terri Clark

Battle of the sexes humor was already played out at the time. I've heard literally every joke in this song a billion times by hack comedians, and Terri adds absolutely nothing new to the proceedings -- other than a really weak-willed attempt at subversion in the title. But said attempt is little more than a half-baked "NOT!" joke from Wayne's World, which also was tremendously played out long before 2004. Oh, you "like Hooters for their hot wings too"? Never heard that one before. "Size don't matter anyway"? TMI, Terri. I don't think I've heard so many jokes bomb so hard since the last time I scrolled through my own Twitter feed. And Terri's oddly square-jaw delivery doesn't really help matters either. This one also got to #1 entirely through a chart manipulation scheme (to the point Billboard re-factored the chart entirely to stop it from happening again), but unlike "Somebody" it's just an inexcusably bad song. F

September 18: "Days Go By" by Keith Urban

I love everything about this song. All of the lyrics tie into a fast car on the freeway in some fashion, with some real gems like comparing the speed to holding your hand out the window -- an image memorable enough for me to forgive the chorus for rhyming "by" with "by." It's this unusual mix of urgency and introspection, of living in the moment because they all go by so fast, that makes this song so compelling. And that mix is even reflected in the instrumentation, which pits Keith's guitar wizardry against some well-placed mandolin on that hard-driving chorus, then calms down for a more relaxed bridge and acoustic reprise of the chorus before kicking back into full gear. Literally everything on this track works, and it's songs like this that make me realize why I grew to like him so much in this era. A

October 16: "Suds in the Bucket" by Sara Evans

Teenage love can make for some really great songs. I just love the down-home image of the girl running off to Las Vegas (a detail saved until the last verse) without even finishing the laundry -- which itself is done the old-fashioned way, in a washtub and all. I also love the added detail of their elopement spreading through the small-town rumor mill. Even the beauticians and preachers are in on this one! This song is cute, charming, and retro without ever sounding forced or anachronistic. And it's helped by Sara's distinctive twang and the equally twangy production -- lots of baritone guitar, steel, fiddle, and banjo in the mix here. The melody is way above the norm too, with a few dips in and out of Mixolydian mode. This is an absolute charmer on all accounts. A

October 23: "I Hate Everything" by George Strait

No, this isn't about the British YouTuber who reviews bad movies. It's a left-of-center story song between two men at a bar. The one of the two who isn't the narrator is bitter to the point of nihilism, drinking and going on about all the things he "hates" now that he's divorced. Instead of trying to offer advice, the narrator just lets the guy ramble. (I love the line "If it weren't for my two kids, I'd hate my ex-wife.") At the end, we find out the narrator was in a rough relationship himself, and was inspired to patch things up because of the other guy, whose drinks he even pays for. (I also find it interesting that by 2004, we were already casually writing cell phones into country songs.) It's an inspired yet relatable character sketch with a great twist ending -- just the kind of thing that makes for a great country song, especially one sung by King George. A

November 6: "In a Real Love" by Phil Vassar

After a long gap, Phil Vassar finally returns to the top. This is probably his best set of lyrics since his debut album, showing his knack for uncommon vernacular. It's an everyman sketch of a struggling man and woman -- the well-worn "we don't have much, but we have each other" trope. Like most of his debut album and the songs he wrote before he made it big, it shines through uncommon vernacular ("spendin' dollars and makin' dimes"), along with plenty of other uncommon terms, such as it being probably the only song to specifically call a pregnancy test an EPT. The arrangement is also a tad grittier than usual, something I remember many reviewers commenting on during this album cycle, and something that enhances the personality of this track. While he hung around for quite a while afterward, it's a shame he almost never returned to this level of quality. A-

November 20: "Mr. Mom" by Lonestar

It says something about the decline of Lonestar when their first #1 name-dropped the KKK and their last name-dropped Barney. (Although if someone name-dropped Bluey in a modern song, I doubt I'd complain.) The mom has just taken up a job, so it's now the father's turn to run the house, and of course he fails miserably. It's the same stock trope you've seen in a billion sitcoms, and like "30 minutes or its free" pizza delivery or "they're going to build a mall," it stuck around as a stock sitcom plot long after real-life situations (namely, the fact that even in 2004, nearly every two-parent household had both parents working) made it obsolete. Richie gives a cloying, over-the-top vocal read, and the production is way too clean even by Dann Huff's standards. I will say that the final verse's overt admiration for the woman in this scenario is a mark in this song's favor, but by then it's too little, too late. Go listen to Cledus T. Judd's "Where's Your Mommy?" instead if you want this played for self-deprecation instead of pandering. C-

December 4: "Nothing On but the Radio" by Gary Allan

The best of Gary Allan's #1 hits by far. Admittedly, with how bad "Man to Man" and "Tough Little Boys" were, that's a low bar to clear, but Gary went for something a little different here and nailed it. While the hook isn't the most original thing -- I remember an obscure hit from 1982 by the Younger Brothers with a slightly different arrangement of words in the title -- this one has a lot going for it. That guitar riff is catchy as hell, and Gary sounds like he's having fun singing it. Maybe the individual lyrics aren't the most inspired -- fire/higher/desire rhymes and all -- but this song's just too likable for me to let that bring me down much. Being lighthearted yet sensual is a tough needle to thread, and I'd say this one did the trick. B+

December 18: "Back When" by Tim McGraw

A lot of Tim's songs had a somewhat progressive edge to them, so it's jarring to hear him suddenly become this preachy and retrograde. He longs for the "old and outdated way of life" and then makes borderline tasteless jokes about words like "ho," "coke," "crack," and "screw" (fun fact: did you know the use of "screw" as a euphemism for sex dates to 1725?). I especially have to call into question the utter hypocrisy of him calling out "pop in my country" in the same year he cut a duet with Nelly and had one of the biggest country crossover hits. And unlike "Mayberry," there's no sense of escapism. Thankfully, this isn't nearly as problematic (or hypocritical) as, say, Miranda Lambert calling for female subservience and shunning divorce in "Automatic." It is, however, still whiny and played-out pandering with a side of "get off my lawn!" D

December 25: "Some Beach" by Blake Shelton

Joke songs can overstay their welcomes if the joke doesn't land, but thankfully this one does. The way "some beach" sounds like "som'bitch" is clever and just edgy enough to work without having a Helluva Boss-esque "we have to swear in every sentence because that's what adults do" energy. All the situations that come up are realistic ones that tie into each other -- driving down the road to the dentist's office, only to spend too long waiting and then have a mishap in the dentist's chair -- showing a sense of continuity that puts this head and shoulders above most joke songs. Blake's delivery is cool, the production is cool, and I still laugh the thousandth time I hear it. What's not to love? A-