Jun 27, 2025
What Your 2025 Country Song of the Summer Says About You
Dec 11, 2024
What Your Favorite Album of 2024 Says About You
Johnny Blue Skies - Passage du Desir
You’re either a Sturgill fan from way back, or a jam band fan who suddenly developed good taste. You also may be a scooter riding yacht rock connoisseur. Whichever way, you’re cool with me.
Petty Country
You always thought Tom Petty’s voice was kind of harsh, so you’re happy Nashville finally watered down his songs for you. You listen to this in the background while yelling at site supervisors as you cut people off on the highway in your F-450 XLT that you don’t actually do any work in. All the parenting duties fall on your (third) wife.
Thomas Rhett - About a Woman
You are married to Thomas Rhett.
Oliver Anthony - Hymnal of a Troubled Man’s Mind
You consider yourself deep because you memorized a Robert Frost poem one time in 7th grade. You knew he meant other obese people who like fudge rounds, not you. You aren’t from Appalachia, but you did stay in a Holiday Inn Express in Pigeon Forge one time.
Beyoncé - Cowboy Carter
You don’t really care if the album is country or that BeyoncĂ© said it isn’t. It must be acknowledged as such and all must bow. You have only listened to the album like 3 times total. The color of your hair is not natural to the human species.
Luke Bryan - Mind of a Country Boy
You own a shop that sells mid-priced jewelry, tee shirts with southern sayings, and trendy pottery. You were asked to be the house mother for the Tri-Delts at Ole Miss but your husband spends so much time driving around in his F-450 XLT yelling at people, all the parenting duties fall on you.
Jul 2, 2024
What Your Favorite Country Summer Song Says About You
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You hated bro-country, but can make an exception on this song because Dierks is your guy. You talk yourself into Dierks being above all that because he plays bluegrass sometimes. You’ve reached the age you’re starting to get all the “I got injured by sleeping wrong” memes.
You’re not really a big music listener. You just like this one because you think “motorboatin’” is funny. Usually, you’re listening to various Housewives of (whatever city) podcasts and texting while you cut people off in your Maxima.
You couldn’t think of anything else, so the first one with “summer” in the title that popped into your head was your answer. Not that it’s a bad song, it’s just that “Chattahoochee” was right there. You spend most of your free time rewatching The Pacific War in Color.
You’re fifty-two, recently divorced, and having the time of your life. You own Chesney’s entire discography but love the hits the most. You’ve seen him live 23 times and secretly think he’d love you if you could just meet him. You’ve ended friendships over “he might be gay” jokes.
Your endless summer includes calling people gay online, drinking approximately 700 Bud heavies in your back yard, and trying to get your son into “real country music” like Aaron, Upchurch, and Buddy Brown.
You are a basic ass bitch.
Your endless summer includes threatening to move out of the country if Trump wins, drinking approximately 200 Titos & cranberry with the girls, and visiting multiple doctors to try to get on Ozempic even though you don’t really need it.
You never received affection from your dad as a kid. You tried being an influencer but spend too much time embroiled in drama with ex-boyfriends to ever put out any content besides a couple of yoga pants thirst traps. You have a degree in something that could make you six figures a year but still work at the tanning salon in your hometown.
Just kidding. There is no such person in the world that would name this song as a favorite anything.
You don’t get offended by Farce the Music memes because you don’t understand them. You have never voted. You were ahead of the curve and made a low rider out of your $72K truck before your state outlawed squatting them. Your dad says if you’re not taking summer school, you gotta get a job to cover your online gambling addiction. He’s tired of covering for you, Dylan.
Jan 4, 2024
What Your Favorite Album of 2023 Says About You #3
Dec 13, 2023
What Your Favorite Album of 2023 Says About You #2
You have a Lucero sticker on your Honda Pilot. You look like someone who should be avoided in a dark alley, but you’re actually a tattooed sweetheart of a person. You can’t relate to people who think sad songs kill the mood. You’ve got your eye on a small RV to buy and follow Lucero around, once the kids move out.
You’re a good ol’ boy or girl, I don’t care what anybody says. You’d rather chug-a-lug a mug of beer than sip a crystal glass of wine. You’d rather discuss the latest goings on of World Wrestling Entertainment, but can easily have a conversation about Eudora Welty or foreign relations. You have a couple crooked fingers as evidence of your bar fighting days, but you’ve chilled out.
You don’t like mainstream country; Spotify played Morgan after a Paramore song and you were smitten. You are prone to stalking exes on social media when you get a few drinks in you, but not in a creepy way - you just wanna talk shit. You drive like a bat out of hell, and that turns your significant other on for some reason.
You reflexively like Tyler even more now that many conservatives say he “went woke.” This is a good album, but that first sentence may have clouded your judgement a bit. You own a Subaru. You tried morel hunting for the first time and ended up having to get rescued by the game warden, so your friends now call you the Kane Brown of Americana fans.
Your favorite burger is the McDonald’s Quarter Pounder. Your favorite book is 50 Shades of Grey. Your boyfriend’s ex has a restraining order against him. You’re not really into politics at all, but vote however your friends do. You spent $1820.34 on tea this year and $0 on vehicle maintenance.
Ryan Bingham - Watch Out for the Wolf
You got into Ryan because of Yellowstone. This is the first Ryan Bingham album or EP you’ve ever heard.
You don’t know what hick-hop is. Fuel was your favorite band in the 90s. You think Jelly Roll’s redemption story is wonderful, but you don’t really want to know what crimes he did because then you might have to stop liking him. You could never get into Yellowstone because the music was so boring. Your stepkids call you by your first name, with an attitude.
TMZ is your favorite news source. You tell people this is your favorite album of the year because you stan, but in your heart of hearts, you wish she’d go back to the pop sound of a few years ago. You live for every TMI detail of Kelsea’s love life and are glad she moved on from that last dude, because he isn’t as big a star as her.
Dec 5, 2023
What Your Favorite Album of 2023 Says About You
You read a lot of Flannery O’Connor and William Faulkner and still don’t understand half the lyrics of this album. You own at bare minimum 23 flannel shirts. You will only discuss politics with your immediate group of friends around a fire pit after a few PBRs, but there could be violence at that point.
You enjoy music that isn’t good.
Your political beliefs have evolved your hearing to like bad music, as long as the singer agrees with you on every possible subject. You live in a suburb and have complained on the neighborhood Facebook page about “loud booming music in cars driving by.” You own $4,000 worth of camouflage but only go hunting once a year, if that. Your wife doesn’t know about the ED yet thanks to gas station pills.
Your nostalgic love of the late 90s warps your taste in unhealthy ways. You’re always quick with a “she had vocal surgery,” but never a “maybe she should rest her voice or retire” in the Facebook comments. You’re glad the Karen jokes finally died down a little. You should probably schedule a hearing test.
Despite the tattoos and the extensive police record, you are a born romantic. You have cried about an ASPCA commercial and punched a guy who cut you off in traffic on the same day. Your significant other is a complete normie.
You write for Rolling Stone, or various other music sites. This album came out in 2022. Tough shit if it came out in December; maybe you shouldn’t drop your lists so early.
Note: This album is really good if you like R&B.
You’re most likely a cool, salt of the earth person who doesn’t have much interest in lyrically complex or musically adventurous songs, and that’s okay, but you still demand more than “beer girl truck.” You own $400 worth of camouflage, and are in the woods at least every Saturday of deer season. You are anywhere on the political spectrum except far left and far right.
You are a relatively upstanding dude with a family and a decent job, but you still get shit-faced at every Mississippi State game and wind up having to apologize to a friend, coworker, family member, or innocent bystander. You are either the person in your group of music snobs with the worst taste, or the one in your group of bro’s with the best taste. There is no in between.