Showing posts with label bro-country. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bro-country. Show all posts
Apr 12, 2022
Feb 24, 2022
Jan 29, 2021
Police Deploy Axe Sniffing Dogs to Find Illegal Bro-Country House Concerts
“We’ve found that teens and men who enjoy this kind of music tend to wear offensively strong smelling body sprays such as Axe, so we’ve trained Buster, our drug-sniffing K9, to identify similar odors.” said K9 Unit Lt. Parker Davis of the Smyrna Police Department. “It’s working like a charm so far.”
The SPD has already shut down 2 Chase Rice concerts, a Chris Janson show, and a couple of other up-and-coming bro-country artists' parties. “There were 25 jacked-up pickup trucks in this cul-de-sac, so we knew something was going on when we followed up on a complaint from neighbors, but the area was completely silent when we started investigating,” said Davis. “Knocks didn’t root anything out, but Buster just smashed through the fence of one yard… you should have seen the wallet chains gleaming in the street lights as they all ran for it.”
Fines were levied, and four open container arrests were made. Similar stories have come in from the Tallahassee, FL area as well. “We taught our dog Hurley to detect body spray and White Claw,” said TPD’s K9 officer Levon Goins. “He’s rooted out 5 different illegal shows. I’ve never seen so many drunk white girls.”
One of the illicit concerts shut down in Tallahassee also led to arrests for crystal meth and prescription drug possession with intent. “That was one of those ‘hick hop’ shows, I think his name was Upshirt, Upchurch, something like that.” laughed Goins.
Sep 11, 2020
Aug 26, 2019
Jun 27, 2018
If (Classic Country Song) Was Bro-Country
Since bro-country seems to be making a slight return this summer, it seems like a good time to bring back this feature.
If (Classic Country Song) Was Bro-Country
--------------
Patsy Cline - She's Got You
I've got your picture
That you Snapped to me
Screen-shot it with love
Showed it to my homies
Ain't nothing different
Since we've been through
I've got your picture
It's a nude
Waylon & Willie - Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys
Mammas don't let your babies grow up to soyboys
Don't let 'em dip pouches or vote for no cucks
Let 'em be hotties and frat boys and such
Mammas don't let your babies grow up to soyboys
'Cause they'll never lift, bro, and they'll never roll coal
They won't even drive a truck
Tammy Wynette - Stand By Your Man
Stand by your man,
In cut off shorts that cling to,
That shaker mama gave you
Move that thing like a pony
Dwight Yoakam - Guitars, Cadillacs
Now it's roll bars, rifle racks, Lil Dicky music
Dusty gravel roads that I chill on
Yeah my roll bars, rifle racks, Lil Dicky music
Keep this party lit till the night is gone
Nov 22, 2017
Understanding Bro-Country Fan Internet Slang
Here's a very important piece I unearthed from the Farce the Music vault. It was never posted during the heyday of bro-country, so it has lost a little relevance, but there are still bros out there and you should at least attempt to understand their language.
This is a handy guide to deciphering bro-country fans' slang and acronyms on social media and text messages.
SMH = send me hoes
LOL = liking only ladies
Send nudes = send nudes
WTF = where's the Fireball?
Dead = I just murdered a city boy
Low key = feeling mellow from smoking the marijuana
Fam = group of bros
Off the chain = please help me find my wallet
AF = awesome Ford
OMG = oops my genitals
Lit = (the bonfire of crates we stole is now burning)
TGIF = tailgate is fun
TL/DR = the lice didn't reappear
DR/CR = didn't read, can't read
Shook = concerned that one might be outed as a poser
Thicc = This Hoe Is Conspicuously Curvy
DTF = down (in) the field
Basic = a pickup truck that doesn't have chrome accessories, a light bar, a roll bar, a lift kit, step rails, a winch, truck nutz, mudders, stacks, bed lighting, Yeti sticker, sticker making fun of other brand of trucks/engines.
Extra = has more than one STD
GTFO = give this fellow oral
JGMDSIBK = just got my d*ck stuck in brass knuckles
Jun 22, 2017
Neck Cut from Smashing Pumpkins Shirt to Make Douchebag Country Bassist Look Cool
Fans were none-the-wiser at the Friday night concert, shouting their approval and throwing up the rock hand sign (a ™ of Gene Simmons Inc. 2017) as the ridiculous looking ballbag pounced around the stage behind his meaty band leader. "Whoooo Smashing Pumpkins!" yelled Evanston native Carly Sitz. "I don't know who that is, but the bassist looks like a total bad ass!"
The v-cut neck of the black shirt bearing a photo of two little girls huddled closely, hung low across the turd's shaven and sculpted chest muscles, revealing an ample display of tacky skull necklaces and moronic tribal tattoos. The 15 year old female fans and their inappropriately dressed mothers ate it up.
Bolan, who's only ever heard one Smashing Pumpkins song because it's played over the arena sound system before shows, pouted and shot fierce looks into the sea of fans, who responded in awe at the posing tool's putrid mohawk-mullet combo and fake biker apparel. The fuckstick never missed a lick as he laid down a groove for hit after bro-country hit, his wallet chain swaying through the strobe lights.
The jerk-off plans to wear a shredded Goo Goo Dolls shirt for the next show in Minneapolis, having idiotically mistaken the Goo Goo Dolls for Minneapolis' Soul Asylum. The asinine choad's equally insipid stylist believes this will somehow grant him 'street cred' from a crowd of teenagers who've never heard of either band.
At press time, Bolan was shining his square-toe boots while listening to Lil Uzi Vert.
Apr 14, 2017
Jul 22, 2016
May 6, 2016
9 Signs You're the Bro-Country Fan of Your Friend Group
1. You don't understand any of the jokes your friends tell that don't involve dicks.
2. You tag along at parties where people discuss politics and pop culture,
but you'd rather be drunk in a trailer park somewhere.
3. You dress and behave inappropriately at baby showers and weddings.
4. Things never end well when your friends let you pick the music in the car.
5. You always ruin the group photos.
6. Nobody ever goes with you to concerts, so you drink a lot at shows.
7. While everybody else is drinking wine and craft beer…
8. Your friends are always making fun of your tattoo.
9. But at least you get to enjoy your music in your own ride.
Sep 24, 2015
Treat Her Like They Do in Country Songs
The meme on the left has been going around for a while now.
It's probably not the best advice anymore.
Mar 27, 2015
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