Hurt People Hurt People

This Guy Rants About Country Music “Authenticity”

We’ve all seen the stories. We’ve all herd the new boring songs. Mainstream country music is evolving in front of are very eyes and I for one do not like it!

Remember the good old days when you could drive you’re girl out to the bonfire in your pick up truck and turn on the country station and not worry that there might be a serious or sad song on their? I miss those days! 

Nowadays when I drive my sidechick in my Raptor and turn on the radio, it’s Luke Combs crying about going somewhere in a fast car, or Ashly McBridde singing about her family or some shit. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Am I right?? 

And the Spotify country playlists ar just as bad. Who tf is Zach Bryan? Is that Luke’s more boring younger brother? I listened to him for 1 whole minute and he did not mention Fireball, pretty tan feet, or the summer moon even once. That ain’t country! And his songs don’t even make any cents. Keep it simple and keep the party going, Zach. Come on man!

I seen that ol’ Zach had the number one album and song in America, and I shed a tear. It feels like things are changing and I’m kinda scared because where else is there to listen to music I like but the radio? Singers are putting their flat brim caps and skinny jeans away, and getting out cowboy hats and work boots. It’s not okay. 

John Party or Chris Stapleton were the ones who started this mess. With a name like Party, John should’ve been dropping the beat and lighting crates on fire for the hotties in every song, but nooooo he’s got to have old whiney instruments. And Chris Stapleton only wrote one good song in his life and that was Thomas Rhett’s “Crash and Burn!”

I look at the tragic break up of Florida-Georgia Line and just think, who’s gonna fill there square toe boots? I see Luke Bryan losing popularity and wonder who’ll tell the country girls to shake it anymore? I here people talk about Cody Johnson and Tyler Childers and weep for the future and all the trucks that won’t have nutz and the coal that won’t be rolled. 

It’s a sad day in America when even Jason Aldean is singing about serious crap. I was going to put a hole in the drywall I’m so mad, but I’ve matured. So I’m just gonna go put on my Chase Rice album, vape some clouds, and pour out some White Claw for the better times. 

New Music Group on the Scene

Top Gun Country Reaction Gifs

 When it's time for some bluegrass

"You shouldn't talk bad about Walker Hayes' music because he's a nice man with a good family"

So you finally saw Willie Nelson, huh?

A Chase Rice video, probably

When she meets the mythical blogger who hates pop-country but loves hair metal

If you were on Big Rock Candy Mountain, what would you do?

When somebody asks you to turn down the 49 Winchester

Yeah Morgan Wallen is better than a lot of other current pop-country singers, but that doesn't mean he's very good

When you tell her your hobby is making Kane Brown fans feel bad about their taste in music

Unique Like Everybody Else

Steve Harvey Country Reaction Gifs

When somebody asks my opinion of Morgan Wallen and then gets mad when I tell them

New 49 Winchester album Friday???

When that pill you got from somebody at Laurel Cove Music Festival wasn't the Advil you asked for

You're excited about a new Chase Rice album?

When there used to be ringback tones and somebody had a Rascal Flatts song on there

When "Feed Jake" came on and caught you on a tough day

You went to see Walker Hayes and Kane Brown on purpose?

When you see another dad at the school function wearing a Tyler Childers t-shirt

The Long Awaited Follow Up to Urban Chipmunk

The original: 

Behold, the follow-up:

Book the Worst Concert Ever

Country Facebook Awareness Profile Frames

 Many people use social messaging frames around their profile pics on Facebook to promote political, medical, charitable, social justice and other causes. What if these country singers had frames around their profile pics? What would they say? 

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: August '21

A poop emoji is negative, a strike-thru is positive.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-4) overall which is a 5 point improvement from May (the previous time we did this chart). The peculiar thing about this chart is the wide variance of quality. There are several truly excellent songs and several bottom of the barrel offerings. Usually, there’s a lot more mediocre going on. The worst song (just like May) is Dan + Shay’s “Glad You Exist.” The highest rated is Kenny Chesney’s best song in ages, “Knowing You.” The glacially slow pace of country radio is on full display here as half of these songs were also on the chart TWO FREAKING MONTHS AGO. Yawn.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Dallas Country Reaction Gifs

When your wife starts getting into Dan + Shay

Vivian to Johnny circa 1955

After somebody dares me to listen to Walker Hayes’ new EP

When real country music returns and we find out this has all been a bad dream

When he tries a Chase Rice pick-up line on you

Some of y’all just like Morgan Wallen because liberals don’t, but that’s none of my business

When somebody plays some Johnny Lee

When somebody talks to me while I’m listening to Turnpike

Monday Morning Memes: Randy Travis, Kane Brown, Hank Jr.

 

The Crud Report: May 2021

 (yeah, so May starts tomorrow... whatever)

Malcolm in the Middle Country Reaction Gifs

When Luke Bryan won Entertainer of the Year

When somebody plays you Luke's new song "Waves"

When somebody plays you Austin Meade's song "Waves"

When somebody handed you the aux cord, and you played some Cuttin' Grass

♫ We gotta sink the Bismarck cause the world depends on us ♫

Why do you like Niko Moon?

When you check the mainstream country station to see if they've gotten any better

Hey, you wanna hear some Upchurch?

When your friends are embarrassed to be seen with you because you're a Chase Rice fan