Happy Non-Specific Winter Holiday

An original satirical lyric from FTM.

Happy Non-Specific Winter Holiday

It’s that festive time of year again

Kwanzaa, the birth observance and other events

Shopping facilities are challenged for space

There’s an upturned expression on many a face

Hang out red ceremonial footwear

The kinara or menorahs with peace and care

Light the candles or holiday tree

Here’s a hopeful salutation to you from me

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

Hear the appropriate musical selections play

Observe your chosen rituals

Be kind to all individuals

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

Please be sensitive to everyone

Jewish or Christian or those of no religion

Make certain to be careful with your words

Disharmonic greetings can cause other persons hurt

If you choose to give gifts, please be kind

No red or green wrappings, they exclude the colorblind

If you wish to spread tidings of unity

Be sure to offer this ode to each person you see

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

Hear the appropriate musical selections play

Observe your chosen rituals

Be kind to all individuals

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

Bridge

Well, the tofurkey’s almost ready

And the organic dressing is too

My lifestyle family unit

Offers this formal wish to you

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

Hear the appropriate musical selections play

Practice your preferred methods

Of celebratory acceptance

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

©2004 Corey Parkman

Relative Size Chart #17

Click for a closer view.

Cledus Parodies Buck, Farces Tiger

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #24

Keep your friends close and your enemies in a headlock. DTN friend, don't trust nobody. I've had supposed best pals steal song ideas from me and not give me a g-string thin shred of credit. For the most part, make sure you're working with writers on the same level as you because up-and-comers might use your good name and grab your wallet... Waffle House working m***** f*****s. For all of you in that up-and-comer category, that means you never get to write with me because even if you get into the velvet-roped VIP section I currently occupy, I will have created a new, higher, more preeminent echelon to ascend to and won't associate with your punk ass. Write on beeatches!

*Not actually written by John Rich

The Farcie Awards: You Vote for the Worst of '09!

With December trudging along, all the other blogs are doing polls and lists of their favorites and bests of 2009's music (as well as the decade's best). Of course I'll get around to doing a few of those myself, but really, what is Farce the Music about but telling you about the worst the music world has to offer? I have a list or two of my own personal least favorites of the year to come, but here's a chance for you to tell me what songs, albums and artists sucked the most.

I culled the nominations for this poll from my own personal hatreds as well as popular opinion and some thoughts stolen from other blogs. I don't have an option for write-in votes on this poll, but if you want to write your own in the comments of this blog post, I'll count 'em.

Without further adieu, here is the first ever Farcie Awards poll! Results will be announced on Monday.

Note: you can make multiple choices in the Worst Album category.

Click Here to take survey