John Rich's Songwriting Tips #33

Write because you love to do it. Art becomes product when you simply write from a viewpoint of "where can this get me?" Put your heart and soul, blood and sweat into everything you write. Bring something original to the table. Ha ha, who the f*ck am I kidding? Get them presidents, baby! Write to the rhyme, not the line. Recycle cliches. Make stuff sound deep by using a few sentimental words in a piece of fluff. Chase that dolla and make the ladies holla. Kneel at the altar of that almighty green if you wanna be seen. Words to live by, ho-bags!

*Not actually written by John Rich.

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Regular Guy Reviews: Hellbound Glory - Old Highs and New Lows

Hellbound Glory - Old Highs and New Lows

If Jason Aldean is your idea of outlaw country, you might wanna steer away from HBG. Can you imagine Aldean uttering the words "why take the pain when I can take pain pills?" or "...have a good hate f**k?" I thought not.

Lyrics aren't the only thing that make Hellbound Glory outlaws. Their sound is also a far cry from anything you'll hear on sanitized country radio. This is stone hard country - steel guitar, heavy twang, banjo and fiddle included - rocked up just a little, a la Waylon and the boys.

With subject matter like heroin, codependent relationships, fighting and drinking oneself to death, Old Highs and New Lows doesn't actually hit a lot of emotional highs. Instead, it drags you right through the gutter the characters indwell. As depressing as that sounds, most of the songs bounce right along at mid to up-tempo, Hellbound Glory sounding absolutely vibrant and invigorating while relating their gritty tales, keeping OH&NL from ever bringing you down to the lows of the losers inhabiting their debauched landscape.

You'll be cheerfully stomping your feet right along to such non-cheerful statements as "I'm too broke to overdose." Hellbound Glory has quite a way with sharply pointed hooks like that, also giving us gems like "another bender might break me" and "we saw the one way track marks on his arm."

There's not a bad song on the album, but my favorites would have to be bourbon drenched "Be My Crutch" and "Another Bender Might Break Me." There's also a jacked-up (in a good way) cover of ol' Hank's "I'm a Long Gone Daddy," retitled "I'm Leavin' Now," not to be confused with Merle's song by the same name.

If you're a fan of Waylon, Johnny Paycheck, Old Crow Medicine Show or any of the Hanks (particularly III), you'll probably enjoy this, unless you have a problem with the "f" word, because they certainly don't.

Hellbound is right.

Listen here.

Buy here.

YouTube Gems: Insane Clown Posse

Some videos I post as YouTube Gems because they are excellent tunes, videos or live performances. Some I post because they are funny. Some are so bad they're good. I don't know where this fits in, but I do know you need to watch it. It has some naughty words, but they add to the uh, charm (?). Enjoy! Or maybe ...I'm sorry... or something.

Joe Nichols Parody

Gimme Fat Girl

(Parody of Joe Nichols' "Gimme That Girl")

Take off those old sweats

Girl rest your butt,

Cancel those reservations

We'll order Pizza Hut.

As hot as your looking right now,

Like you're pregnant with ten babies

There are sides of you I've never seen

All of your creases they amaze me.

Gimme fat girl with the hair full of sweat

Chubby little cheeks with the ginormous breasts

That's the type that I like best

Gimme fat girl

Gimme fat girl that's as big as me

Old bike shorts stretchin' at the seams

That's the kind I want to please

Gimme fat girl, gimme fat girl

Gimme that girl monumental

The kind that you can roll over on

Looks like weather balloons,

Side by side when she wears a thong

Gams big and round make me drool

We'll be some plus size porno stars

Gimme fat girl the rest of the world,

Can see from wherever they are

Gimme fat girl with the hair full of sweat

Chubby little cheeks with the ginormous breasts

That's the type that I like best

Gimme fat girl

Gimme fat girl rubbin' up on me

She can't fit in size 30 jeans

That's the kind I want to please

Gimme fat girl, gimme fat girl

[repeat]