Farce the Music

Jan 1, 2013

10. Produce more songs that substitute rhyming words for curse words.

9. Further soil the sanctity of country radio.

8. Annihilate Trailer Parkman

7. Taylor Swift "Black"

6. Make it illegal to have a fiddle in the band even if you're going to play in Texas.

5. New Axe scent: Brantley

4. Rename it "The Grand New Opry"

3. Find more duos that are separated by a few miles and a state line.

2. Punch Jason Isbell in the mouth for his comments on stage at the Americana Music Awards.

1. Find out if Def Leppard is interested in doing a country album.

Thanks to Jeremy Harris for these!

Since I'm on a bunch of pills for my neck problems and can't headbang or have so much as a beer, I expect you all to do this for me tonight.

Thanks to some Twitter and Facebook pals for their contributions!

10. Create a Luke Bryan Signature Line of skinny jorts

9. Try and one-up Randy Travis by having a dead hooker

in the bed of his truck when cops find him passed out - @thegools

8. Perform one song without doing pelvic thrusts - @harriett0312

7. The Holy Grail of pop-country doucheocity: write or cut

a song even dumber than "Country Girl (Shake it For Me)."

6. Re-round his nuts - @ohbuffalo

5. Fit into his (sister's) jeans from 5th grade again - @shelbyjo

4. Rhyme a word with 4x4 Chevrolet Suburban - @BUBBAERVIN

3. Buy stock in Crest White Strips - @Mbarber17

2. Create a Luke Bryan "bobble-legs" (as opposed to a Bobble-head)

1. Get a baseball cap with no bill so he won't waste so much time

figuring out which way is backwards - Shari Geller from Facebook