Album Review / Ottoman Turks (s/t)

By Matthew Martin

Ever wondered what it would sound like if Iggy Pop and the Stooges had been born south of the Mason-Dixon line?  Well, look no further than Fort Worth, Texas's Ottoman Turks.  With a sound as much garage rock as it is country, this seems like that kind of band that could win over the staunchest of Dads who don't "get" their kids' taste in music.  From the apathetic Southern drawl to the snaking slide guitar and driving drum beats, this is definitely music for Saturday nights.

The Ottoman Turks first came to my attention due to some posts by their guitarist who happens to be the incomparable Joshua Ray Walker.  The band had been playing on and off together for the last few years but due to a few conflicting schedules never really did anything more than play a few shows whenever they got back together.  However, in the last year or so they decided to finally get this album out there.  And for that, I couldn't be happier.

The album starts with the perfectly named and played, "Apathy."  With the slide guitar slinking around the whole song, it's hard not to feel entranced.  It's the kind of song you want to open up a beer and just let it wash over you.  The album then breaks into my personal favorites- "Snake Song" and "Glass Bottles."  These are perfect encapsulations of the Ottoman Turks.  You can hear the party in the songs and you can hear the slight danger.  But, you can also sense that note of that sadness that makes country music so endearing and relatable.  

Then there's the almost pure garage rock "OCP."  A song about fighting.  A song definitely more at home on Funhouse than Ol Waylon but feels so uniquely Ottoman Turks.  This song even has a pretty sweet drum solo.  What's not to love?!  Seriously, the last half of this album is one long party.  It's worth the price of admission.

The whole album more or less bleeds into each other almost feeling like one long live set. It's a production technique that I am quite fond of. For a band with one album, I feel they have pretty distinct sound.  If I were to turn on the radio and hear more garage rock country, I'd immediately assume it was Ottoman Turks.  I can only guess what these songs would sound like live.  I imagine the smell of sweat, booze, and cigarettes.  I imagine dancing and all around rowdiness.  But, most of all, I imagine an awesome time.  I hope these dudes make it up to D.C. sometime.  And, if you live in the Fort Worth area, you oughta go see em.  Until then, go get the album and crank that shit up loud.

Ottoman Turks is available on Amazon, Apple Music, etc.

Thomas Rhett to Dress Up as Country Singer For Halloween

Pop singer Thomas Rhett is looking for a costume for a Halloween party this weekend. He’s already chosen the theme - country singer - but he’s searching for the perfect presentation, visiting thrift stores and western wear outlets across Nashville. 

“I did a Google image search for ‘country singer’ and it came back with lots of western hats and boot-cut jeans and stuff,” says Rhett. “That’s so foreign to me - it’s always enlightening to see how other cultures live!” He tries on a huge foam cowboy hat but quickly returns it to the rack. “If they had it with a flat brim maybe.”

Rhett’s day to day wardrobe usually includes hip t-shirts, fitted pants, and high-dollar sneakers while his stage presence leans more toward tropical wear, varsity jackets, and custom denim. The aesthetics of country music fashion are a world away from his typical flair, but he’s digging it. “Ha, they call this a nude suit, I believe,” laughs Thomas, holding up a rhinestone and flower covered blue jacket. “I think old country dudes like Jeb Pierce and Porter Ladner used to wear these… such swag!”

After a couple of hours, Rhett has narrowed his selections down to an all black Johnny Cash-inspired ensemble or a Hank Sr. style outfit. “Did you know Hank had a father who was also a country singer?” asks Rhett. 

Still undecided at press time, Rhett seems excited about the impact he’ll make when he steps into the party as someone so different from himself. “They won’t even recognize me.”

Trigger Hippy Perform "Strung Out on the Pain"

Be Prepared!

This Guy Rants About Women on Country Radio

All right, so the controversy of the day is women singing country music. Lots of feminists say their isn’t enough chicks on country radio. They say there isn’t enough babes singing at country festivals. I don’t know what there smoking.

I looked at the country chart and there is at least 6 female singers in the top 40. Last year there was like 3, so that’s a huge victory for the feminazis in my book. They already made me have to listen to 50% more women then I had to in 2018, if my math is right. What the hell more do they want??

Let’s just look at the numbers for a minute. 6 women. That’s more than has ever been president. 6 women. That’s more than has ever been the WWE Universal Champion. 6 women. It only takes one to make me a sandwich, LMAO.

Listen, I have great respect for the female sex. One of them raised me. Women are good at lots of stuff. There better arguers. They are good at shopping. And the female form is my favorite thing to look at in the world. 

But when it comes to country music, it’s a mans world baby. Men drive the pickup trucks. Men buy the drinks. That’s the two things that country music is about in 2019. I don’t want to here a woman singing about “he bought me a drink and asked me to get in his F-150” because that might put me in touch with my feminine side and that’s gay.

Also, girls’ voices are not as good as the guys. There high pitched and they shriek a lot. When I here them sing, it’s like my ex girlfriend yelling at me for accidentally having sex with her roommate. I don’t want to think about bad stuff. And that’s another thing. Women sing about all this serious stuff. I just want to party bruh. I just wanna raise up some Nattys and get wild. You can’t get lit to some babe singing about “girl won’t you stop your cryin’.” That ain’t it sis. 

So anyway, y’all should be celebrating in the street wearing vagina hats or whatever, sense their’s more women on the radio now. I don’t like it but if it makes the lefties shut up, I’ll deal with it. But don’t keep raising a stink about this stuff. Stay in your lane. I’ll stay in mine, swerving in my full size with the Jason Aldean blasting out the damn windows!