Top country songs now pine for the "good ol' days" of throwing eggs in the suburbs, playing Wii and listening to Jason Aldean in SUVs.
Mullet returns to prominence as favored men's hairstyle. Despite this, Billy Ray Cyrus still not considered cool.
Former Wrangler spokesperson Jason Aldean now sponsored by Sansabelt.
Gucci Mane gets laser removal of the ice cream tattoo on his face. Replaces it with equally perplexing roll of toilet paper.
Lady Antebellum, due to the pressures of misguided political correctness, changes their name to Lady Diversity.
Foo Fighters the only remaining rock band in existence. Oh wait, that's already true…
Colt Ford inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame. Trailer admitted to a mental facility.
Eric Church refuses to take his high blood pressure meds, cementing his status as an outlaw with the over-50 crowd.
Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton film a Cialis commercial with them "whitetail hunting."
Taylor Swift buys an island for a summer home. Changes name from Oahu to Sparkle Island.
The still-single Kenny Chesney's autobiography reveals what everyone always suspected about him - he wears sleeveless shirts due to upper arm dermatitis.