Feb 11, 2023
Aug 25, 2022
Apr 6, 2022
Aug 2, 2019
A Collaboration/Guest Submission by Jackson Burnett & Trailer
Some would imagine that the country music industry during the mainstream’s last agreeable era, the 1990s, wasn’t as likely to contain divas and D-bags as it does today. However, that isn’t the case. Here are the 10 biggest offenders…
10. Joe Diffie
Plans to reissue his entire catalog on 4-track cartridges.
Personal Facebook page appears hacked, but it’s actually him posting all those links to bootleg Ray-Bans.
9. Suzy Bogguss
Covers “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” at the start of every show after 2006.
Drinks right from the 40 oz bottle of Olde English 800 and puts it back in the fridge.
8. Wade Hayes
Slashed Joe Diffie’s bus tires on a recent 90s country tour.
Sprinkles when he tinkles and isn’t neat enough to wipe the seat.
7. Patty Loveless
Final single was a dubstep remix of “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.”
Hated touring Canada because “Canucks suck.”
6. Pam Tillis
Once said nice things about Locash… no, wait, that really happened.
Hides her master tapes under a dirty laundry pile that’s been sitting in her guest bathroom since 2005.
5. Ty Herndon
Leaves the sink running everywhere he goes.
Refuses to replace his official Angelfire website.
Sings exclusively in an “Ernie from Sesame Street” voice in concert.
4. Marty Raybon (Shenandoah, Raybon Brothers)
Spread a rumor that Diamond Rio were the country Milli Vanilli.
Just pours his tobacco spit cup out right by the door of the tour bus.
Stops in roundabouts.
3. Terri Clark
Once put Pam Tillis in a triangle choke submission for sneezing in her presence.
When on tour, has a tradition of taking selfies of her peeing on national landmarks.
Calls her dogs “puppers” and doggos.”
2. Trisha Yearwood
Once told an audience to “go f*** yourselves” for not singing along to her cover of “Bump & Grind."
Responds to fan mail by sending nude Garth pics.
Against legalization, but always on that kush.
1. Jim Lauderdale
Abuses Domino’s carryout insurance policy.
Ghost-wrote 88% of all bro-country songs.
Constantly on Tik Tok during meals with his bandmates.
Wants to tour with Old Dominion.
Jun 26, 2017
That used to be quite a chore. Hell, as a twenty-something, I was competing with the likes of Jim Lauderdale, Charlie Craig, and Don Sampson. It was a trial by fire, my friends. You had to come into the writers' room full of piss and vinegar and pacing like a damn silverback, or you'd get torn to shreds by these bad asses.
Nowadays, I turn on my radio and scratch my head when pondering that old piece of advice. This is a sampling of some of the lyrics I've heard lately: "Ooh she got me like yeah baby girl, you gone and done it again." Alrighty then. And "Dang girl look at you, stopping me in my boots, what's a country boy to do but say uh uh." Look, I'm part of the establishment. I'm "The Man," so I hate to talk bad about another cog in the machine, but let's get real. An ADD riddled 9 year old with a D average could come up with more coherent lyrics than that. I could let my cat walk across a computer keyboard and she'd write better poetry.
So basically what I'm saying is… that old advice is pointless as a bowling ball. If you write songs that are better than the ones on the radio, you're probably not getting anything cut. If you write songs worse than those on the radio, you're not getting enough brain function to put on velcro sneakers. I don't know what to tell you. Be famous. Have a dad in the business. Know people. Or get me a couple of extra ketchup packets for my curly fries.
*not actually written by John Rich
Jun 18, 2016
Dec 4, 2015
Apr 26, 2015
Dec 30, 2014
There will be commentary included with the top 20. These are all excellent. Trust me.
23. Jim Lauderdale - I'm a Song
24. Mastodon - Once More 'Round the Sun
28. Bruce Robison & Kelly Willis - Our Year
29. Wade Bowen - s/t
30. First Aid Kit - Stay Gold
31. Beck - Morning Phase
33. Big K.R.I.T. - Cadillactica
38. John Fullbright - Songs
39. Cloud Nothings - Here and Nowhere Else
40. Lake Street Dive - Bad Self Portraits
41. Shakey Graves - And the War Came
42. Old Crow Medicine Show - Remedy
43. Ryan Adams - s/t
46. Ty Segall - Manipulator
47. Jack White - Lazaretto
Oct 9, 2014
Sep 5, 2014
Subject to and likely to change, as usual. The new additions and
selected others include album covers and links.
1. Sturgill Simpson - Metamodern Sounds in Country Music
2. Adam Faucett - Blind Water Finds Blind Water
3. Lydia Loveless - Somewhere Else
4. The War on Drugs - Lost In the Dream
5. Old 97s - Most Messed Up
6. Cory Branan - The No-Hit Wonder
7. Lee Bains III & The Glory Fires - Dereconstructed
8. Spoon - They Want My Soul
9. Kelsey Waldon - The Goldmine
10. Pallbearer - Foundations of Burden
11. Fire Mountain - All Dies Down
12. Jimbo Mathus - Dark Night of the Soul
13. St. Paul and the Broken Bones - Half the City
14. Cahalen Morrison & Country Hammer - The Flower of Muscle Shoals
15. Jim Lauderdale - I'm a Song
16. Mastodon - Once More 'Round the Sun
17. Drive-by Truckers - English Oceans
18. Caleb Caudle - Paint Another Layer on My Heart
19. Jason Eady - Daylight and Dark
20. John Fullbright - Songs