Showing posts with label Jim Lauderdale. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jim Lauderdale. Show all posts

Aug 2, 2019

The Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 90s Country

A Collaboration/Guest Submission by Jackson Burnett & Trailer
Some would imagine that the country music industry during the mainstream’s last agreeable era, the 1990s, wasn’t as likely to contain divas and D-bags as it does today. However, that isn’t the case. Here are the 10 biggest offenders…

10. Joe Diffie
Plans to reissue his entire catalog on 4-track cartridges.
Personal Facebook page appears hacked, but it’s actually him posting all those links to bootleg Ray-Bans.

9. Suzy Bogguss
Covers “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” at the start of every show after 2006.
Drinks right from the 40 oz bottle of Olde English 800 and puts it back in the fridge.

8. Wade Hayes
Slashed Joe Diffie’s bus tires on a recent 90s country tour.
Sprinkles when he tinkles and isn’t neat enough to wipe the seat.

7. Patty Loveless
Final single was a dubstep remix of “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.”
Hated touring Canada because “Canucks suck.”

6. Pam Tillis
Once said nice things about Locash… no, wait, that really happened.
Hides her master tapes under a dirty laundry pile that’s been sitting in her guest bathroom since 2005.

5. Ty Herndon
Leaves the sink running everywhere he goes.
Refuses to replace his official Angelfire website.
Sings exclusively in an “Ernie from Sesame Street” voice in concert.

4. Marty Raybon (Shenandoah, Raybon Brothers)
Spread a rumor that Diamond Rio were the country Milli Vanilli.
Just pours his tobacco spit cup out right by the door of the tour bus.
Stops in roundabouts.

3. Terri Clark
Once put Pam Tillis in a triangle choke submission for sneezing in her presence.
When on tour, has a tradition of taking selfies of her peeing on national landmarks.
Calls her dogs “puppers” and doggos.”

2. Trisha Yearwood
Once told an audience to “go f*** yourselves” for not singing along to her cover of “Bump & Grind."
Responds to fan mail by sending nude Garth pics.
Against legalization, but always on that kush.

1. Jim Lauderdale
Abuses Domino’s carryout insurance policy.
Ghost-wrote 88% of all bro-country songs.
Constantly on Tik Tok during meals with his bandmates. 
Wants to tour with Old Dominion.

*satire, obviously*

Jun 26, 2017

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #81

Back in the olden days when Mr. Johnny Rich here was a studly young country singer and songwriter, the biggest piece of advice I ever got was the hardest one. "You have to write songs better than those you hear on the radio." said the old codgers and biddies. When you're young and dumb and full of shit, you've gotta compete with the big timers, the ballers, the OGs, if you will. Artists and labels are more willing to work with who they know. Those writers who've made it tend to get settled in and lazy and start pumping out hits like a hot dog company pumping lips and ears and ballsacks into their juicy wieners.

That used to be quite a chore. Hell, as a twenty-something, I was competing with the likes of Jim Lauderdale, Charlie Craig, and Don Sampson. It was a trial by fire, my friends. You had to come into the writers' room full of piss and vinegar and pacing like a damn silverback, or you'd get torn to shreds by these bad asses.

Nowadays, I turn on my radio and scratch my head when pondering that old piece of advice. This is a sampling of some of the lyrics I've heard lately: "Ooh she got me like yeah baby girl, you gone and done it again." Alrighty then. And "Dang girl look at you, stopping me in my boots, what's a country boy to do but say uh uh." Look, I'm part of the establishment. I'm "The Man," so I hate to talk bad about another cog in the machine, but let's get real. An ADD riddled 9 year old with a D average could come up with more coherent lyrics than that. I could let my cat walk across a computer keyboard and she'd write better poetry.

So basically what I'm saying is… that old advice is pointless as a bowling ball. If you write songs that are better than the ones on the radio, you're probably not getting anything cut. If you write songs worse than those on the radio, you're not getting enough brain function to put on velcro sneakers. I don't know what to tell you. Be famous. Have a dad in the business. Know people. Or get me a couple of extra ketchup packets for my curly fries.

JR out.

*not actually written by John Rich

Dec 30, 2014

FTM's Favorite Albums of 2014: 21-50

There will be commentary included with the top 20. These are all excellent. Trust me.

23. Jim Lauderdale - I'm a Song

24. Mastodon - Once More 'Round the Sun

28. Bruce Robison & Kelly Willis - Our Year

 30. First Aid Kit - Stay Gold

31. Beck - Morning Phase

33. Big K.R.I.T. - Cadillactica

38. John Fullbright - Songs

39. Cloud Nothings - Here and Nowhere Else

40. Lake Street Dive - Bad Self Portraits

 41. Shakey Graves - And the War Came

42. Old Crow Medicine Show - Remedy

43. Ryan Adams - s/t

46. Ty Segall - Manipulator

47. Jack White - Lazaretto

Sep 5, 2014

Top Albums of 2014 So Far: 2/3 Report

Subject to and likely to change, as usual.  The new additions and
selected others include album covers and links.

1. Sturgill Simpson - Metamodern Sounds in Country Music

3. Lydia Loveless - Somewhere Else

4. The War on Drugs - Lost In the Dream

5.  Old 97s - Most Messed Up

6. Cory Branan - The No-Hit Wonder

7. Lee Bains III & The Glory Fires - Dereconstructed

8. Spoon - They Want My Soul

9. Kelsey Waldon - The Goldmine

 10. Pallbearer - Foundations of Burden

11. Fire Mountain - All Dies Down

12. Jimbo Mathus - Dark Night of the Soul

13. St. Paul and the Broken Bones - Half the City

14. Cahalen Morrison & Country Hammer - The Flower of Muscle Shoals

 15. Jim Lauderdale - I'm a Song

16. Mastodon - Once More 'Round the Sun

17. Drive-by Truckers - English Oceans

19. Jason Eady - Daylight and Dark

20. John Fullbright - Songs


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