Showing posts with label Joe Diffie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joe Diffie. Show all posts

Jun 21, 2024

Rotting Corpse Starting to Affect Honky-Tonk’s Ambiance

West Memphis, AR – A popular local drinking establishment is losing patrons and racking up Department of Health complaints at a rapid pace in recent days and the reason is particularly macabre. 

"They've got a dead body leaned up on the jukebox," said Pearl Heath of West Memphis. "I s**t you not; the owner said it was the dude's deathbed request, but they ain't got no air conditioner and it's getting pretty ripe up in there." She went on to say that the bar owner had even given the corpse whiskey, and a mannequin girlfriend.

Britches and Hoes is a popular honky-tonk that's been open since 1993 on the west side of town. Its owner Joseph D. Fee says he's in a tight spot over the whole "dead body in a business that sometimes serves food" situation. 

"At first it was just funny; we were gonna give the guy his dying wish," said Fee, eyes teary from the overpowering odor of decay. "We had a huge crowd that first night due to the novelty of the situation; we put sand in his boots and a stiff drink in his hand, and we planned to get him out of there in a day or so before the health department came calling." That was when things got even weirder. 

"Ol' boy's widow came in here and intimated to me that if I removed him from the premises, she would sue," he laughed, painfully. "She said he put that request in his will and that her lawyer would be in contact if I moved him before she said so; I think she's just trying to save money on a visitation." 

"It really don't even make no sense legally, but I'm erring on the side of anything that keeps me out of a courtroom," relayed Fee, brushing a fly off his nose. "I hope she picks his ass up soon, I'm gonna have to fumigate." 

One former Britches and Hoes patron even thinks the corpse is haunted. "I put on some good ole Luke Bryan music and I swear I saw that dead face wince." said Bart Hurlihy of Jackson, TN. Hurlihy says he has not been back due to the stench.

At press time, West Memphis police were too busy dealing with copper harvesting and off-grid pharmacists to investigate the reported stiff leaned up against a Wurlitzer.

May 16, 2024

Ryan Gosling Country Reaction Gifs

When I see Aldean on someone’s outlaw country playlist 

When you shot a man in Reno just to watch him die 

A Midland member right before walking into the combination haberdashery/pour-over coffee shop

You don’t like Wyatt Flores?

When she loves long walks on the beach, Miller High Life, and Wheeler Walker Jr.

When somebody says a Hardy cover is better than Diffie’s original 

When she hears hip-hop beats in a “country” song and immediately changes the station

And ten minutes in, just when I thought the Billy Strings song was over

How a bro-country fan accepts rejection 

“You can either sing Zach Bryan songs around the campfire with us or you can leave”

Jun 6, 2023

Elderly Country Songs: 90s Edition

Joe Diffie

Prop Me Up Beside the Juice Bar When I Die

So Help Me Up

Off My Lawn Attitude


Clint Black

A Good Run of Bad Back

Put Yourself in My Skechers

An Elder Man

The Orthofeet You’re Wearing

Mary Chapin Carpenter

Edentulate Kisses

He Thinks He’ll Bathe Her

I Feel Achy

Marty Stuart

This One’s Gonna Hurt Me


Sigh Sigh Sigh

Brooks and Dunn

Rock My World Geriatric Girl

Brand New Teeth

Clarks Scootin’ Boogie

My Next Leakin’ Fart

Dec 23, 2020

SNL Christmas Country Reaction Gifs

 When you get that Johnny Cash Mercury box set for Christmas

When your country-hating uncle makes the same old tired "get your dog back, get your wife back..." joke to you at the family Christmas gathering

Name one better singer than Kane Brown

Just because it's music don't mean it's art

When your unobservant aunt gets you a Florida-Georgia Line cd for Christmas

When that champagne punch and homemade eggnog hit

Country DJs when female artists make station visits

When somebody plays "The Christmas Shoes" at the holiday party

Leroy The Redneck Reindeer
Hooked to the front of the sleigh
Delivering toys to all the good ol' boys
And girls along the way

Still better than a Sam Hunt album


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