John Rich's House Even Cooler Than You Thought

A Fake News Classic, originally posted on Country California, April 7, 2010

When it comes to country superstar John Rich, even the home he lives in is controversial. Called an eyesore and a blight by "jealous neighbors," Mt. Richmore is even cooler than you might have imagined, says an anonymous source who has visited the well-equipped abode several times.

This insider, who asked us to refer to him as Bart Mozart, says all the bright lights pointing away from Rich's home are for good reason. "It's so nosy-ass locals can't see all the cool sh** in there. Dude, they'd sh** a brick if they knew!" said Bart.

We've all heard about the fully-stocked bar in the elevator, but that's just the tip of the awesomeness iceberg, according to Mr. Mozart. There are also mini-bars in each of the five bathrooms, another fully-stocked bar in the master bedroom and a wine locker the size of a football field directly underneath the house. In addition to those liquid amenities, Mt. Richmore's main bar (staffed by two bartenders and six buxom waitresses) also has a bar in its bathroom, and the pool table opens to reveal a beer vault.

"John's even working on figuring out how to put a bar inside the bar; man, how f***ing cool is that? We figured out that you are never more 4 1/2 feet from a dose of refreshment," laughed Bart. "And we party like it's 1989... uh, I mean 1999, or whenever.."

Behind the family room on the second story, Rich has built a full recording studio with enough room for an entire band with backing horns to rehearse or record crappy music at the same time. There is also a bar both in this studio and in the control booth, with Rich's own "Richmore Ale" on draft directly from the soundboard.

One would think that so much potential drinking might lead to some accidents, but Bart says JR has planned for this. "Every room has a vacuum system built into the floor to suck up anything you spill, and the walls are made of a super strong polymer that's kinda soft to fall against but tough enough to withstand a brawl or a thrown vase, not that those things ever happen," informed Mozart.

"Bart" went on to describe the pad's home theater (w/ bar), garage (x2), kitchen (yep) and dining room (sure), all designed with the most forward-thinking style, technology and accommodations for drinkers available on the market today. He also said to catch him on the latest season of Celebrity Fit Camp on VH1 - then he tried to retract that statement.

In summary, Mt. Richmore is truly a marvel of western innovation. 

Untrue Facts: Luke Combs, George Strait, Willie Nelson

John Rich to Headline Christmas Tree Lighting at John Rich’s House

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, December 02, 2010 

John Rich, of Big & Rich and songwriting and solo fame, is slated to perform at and do the flip-switching honors for the Mt. Richmore Christmas Tree Lighting. The December 5th ceremony will commence with a mini-concert from Cowboy Troy, Gretchen Wilson and Kid Rock w/ Sebastian Bach. 

After igniting the resplendent purple and white LED beacons on the 20-foot Vermont balsam fir in the Mt. Richmore courtyard, superstar country singer John Rich will take the stage for a one-hour set of classic and contemporary country hits. 

Food will be available for purchase in the right atrium of the courtyard, with special guest cook Cowboy Troy grilling steaks and lobsters for guests' enjoyment. And, of course, there will be several outlets for attendees to "get their drank on." In addition to a main bar in the left atrium of the courtyard, there will also be a mini bar at the food concession and three rolling liquor carts to serve guests as they enjoy the holiday festivities. For VIP guests, there will also be drinks available in the elevator and bathrooms. 

"It's a huge honor to be at the head of the table, so to speak, for this great Christmas celebration!" beamed Rich at the press conference announcing the lighting. "Hopefully this will be an annual event... and I'd be happy to help out when I can, since it's for such a good cause." 

All profits from the concert will go to the Middle Tennessee RJRB (Replenish John Rich's Bar) Foundation and guests will receive an autographed 8x10 glossy of the country megastar wearing a Santa suit. Tickets will not be available for purchase, but Rich himself will visit local high school and community college campuses to hand out entry vouchers to "talented" students and co-eds. 

Wrapping up the press conference with a sales pitch, Rich smiled: "Come on out and celebrate Christ's holy birth, girls… uh, folks. Johnny Cash would be there if he was still alive." 

Sunday Mornin' Music: Sebastian Bach