The Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 90s Country

A Collaboration/Guest Submission by Jackson Burnett & Trailer

Some would imagine that the country music industry during the mainstream’s last agreeable era, the 1990s, wasn’t as likely to contain divas and D-bags as it does today. However, that isn’t the case. Here are the 10 biggest offenders…

10. Joe Diffie

Plans to reissue his entire catalog on 4-track cartridges.

Personal Facebook page appears hacked, but it’s actually him posting all those links to bootleg Ray-Bans.

9. Suzy Bogguss

Covers “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” at the start of every show after 2006.

Drinks right from the 40 oz bottle of Olde English 800 and puts it back in the fridge.

8. Wade Hayes

Slashed Joe Diffie’s bus tires on a recent 90s country tour.

Sprinkles when he tinkles and isn’t neat enough to wipe the seat.

7. Patty Loveless

Final single was a dubstep remix of “Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.”

Hated touring Canada because “Canucks suck.”

6. Pam Tillis

Once said nice things about Locash… no, wait, that really happened.

Hides her master tapes under a dirty laundry pile that’s been sitting in her guest bathroom since 2005.

5. Ty Herndon

Leaves the sink running everywhere he goes.

Refuses to replace his official Angelfire website.

Sings exclusively in an “Ernie from Sesame Street” voice in concert.

4. Marty Raybon (Shenandoah, Raybon Brothers)

Spread a rumor that Diamond Rio were the country Milli Vanilli.

Just pours his tobacco spit cup out right by the door of the tour bus.

Stops in roundabouts.

3. Terri Clark

Once put Pam Tillis in a triangle choke submission for sneezing in her presence.

When on tour, has a tradition of taking selfies of her peeing on national landmarks.

Calls her dogs “puppers” and doggos.”

2. Trisha Yearwood

Once told an audience to “go f*** yourselves” for not singing along to her cover of “Bump & Grind."

Responds to fan mail by sending nude Garth pics.

Against legalization, but always on that kush.

1. Jim Lauderdale

Abuses Domino’s carryout insurance policy.

Ghost-wrote 88% of all bro-country songs.

Constantly on Tik Tok during meals with his bandmates. 

Wants to tour with Old Dominion.

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*satire, obviously*

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in Texas Country Music

Some people would imagine that the fan-friendly, honest Texas country music scene would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as pop music or Nashville. However, those people would be wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.

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10. Kevin Fowler

Reply All… every time

Somehow always around when the tour bus bathroom smells, but never did it

9. Bri Bagwell

Starts every sentence with “No offense, but…”

Talks on speaker phone at the gym

8. Casey Donahew

Stage banter consists entirely of discussing the show Entourage

All band members must refer to him as “sir”

7. Kyle Park

Waits till he gets up to the counter to look at the menu

Calls Koe Wetzel screaming for no reason every morning around 5 a.m.

6. Sarah Hobbs

Takes a smoke break during church and puffs Black & Milds right outside the sanctuary

“Gangnam Style” ringtone

5. Zane Williams

Wears shirts printed with recent tv show spoilers on stage

Threw out first pitch at a minor league game and purposely beaned the catcher between the pads

Replaces the toilet paper ‘roll under’

4. Lyle Lovett

Still does the duck face and peace sign in pics

Signs autographs as “Shyle Shovett”

Only speaks German in interviews since 2004

3. Kylie Rae Harris

Just shows up with Whataburger without asking anybody if they wanted some first

Her only jokes are stolen from Larry the Cable guy

Her encore at shows? “Baby Shark”
(RIP KRH. Leaving this because she 'liked' it on Twitter)

2. Dalton Domino

Breath always smells like pickle chips

Proud to prove he knows every word of “F the Police” every chance he gets

Signs up for fetish porn sites using bandmates’ email addresses

1. Cory Morrow

Never been to a  Buc-ees without asking to speak to the manager

Calls everybody “chief” or “pahdnah”

Leaves shopping carts behind car parked next to him

Brutal SBDs

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in Folk Music

Some would imagine that the quaint, earnest folk music scene would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as the more mainstream genres of music. They'd be wrong. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.

10. Joni Mitchell

Has said Counting Crows cover of "Big Yellow Taxi" is far better than her original.

Before retiring from touring, only played Rascal Flatts songs over the monitors before shows.

9. Hozier

Refuses to play "Take Me to Church" in concert.

Blocks anyone who complains about it on social media.

8. Tracy Chapman

Refuses to play "Fast Car" in concert. 

Only plays "Give Me One Reason" 'in the style of Post Malone.'

7. Bon Iver

Won't apologize for being the godfather of modern hipsterism.

Drives a jacked up Hummer with a Salt Life sticker on the back.

6. Wesley Schultz (The Lumineers)

Constantly rails on millennials despite being one.

Uber driver on the side; car smells like sweaty leather.

Makes fake business cards with different names but his phone number to drop in those "win free lunch" fishbowls.

5. Skyler Skjelset (Fleet Foxes)

Writes shitty pop-country under the pen name Chris DeStefano.

Listens to hick-hop albums loudly on the tour bus.

Slaps people with a fencing glove if they misspell his last name.

4. Damien Rice

Speaks in an unintelligibly thick Irish accent at meet and greets so fans will move along quickly.

Next album will be entirely dirge-style Neil Diamond covers.

Tour rider calls for only "mass-produced light American lagers" to piss off his band.

3. Emmylou Harris

Thought Gram Parsons was a "pretentious dickhead hack" but he paid well. 

Litters.

At shows, she has any fans wearing tennis shoes violently removed and humiliated.

2. Scott Avett (The Avett Brothers)

Wears sweat pants to strip clubs.

Drives with his brights on in fog.

Lays five dollars on the table at restaurants and takes one away for every slight error the server makes. 

Leaves his spit cup in the cup-holder at the movie theater. 

1. Father John Misty

Oh wait… this list is supposed to be satirical.

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*this is, of course, fake news*

Top 10 Biggest Country Singer/Songwriter Jerks

Some would imagine that relatively under-the-radar country singer/songwriters would not be as likely to be divas and d-bags as the ultra-hyped superstars. However, this is not to be. 

Here are some of the most egregious offenders.

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10. Brandy Clark

Keeps "Draw 4" up sleeve when playing Uno

Tour rider requires Koolaid pickles, a Creed prayer candle, and 5 bottles of Olde English

9. Ed Hill

Thinks Farce the Music is hilarious

Actual crisis actor

8. Mac McAnally

Thinks Soulja Boy is better than 2Pac

Donates to charities promoting homelessness

7. Josh Grider

Does not tell someone if they have a booger

Hobby: Martin Shkreli fan fiction

6. Gretchen Peters

Has been kicked off multiple flights for fighting and drunkenness

Personally puts tiny scratch on each vinyl album ordered through her website

5. Will Hoge

Wears awkwardly short shorts to co-writing sessions

Default font on all emails? comic sans

4. Lori McKenna

Performs thorough and morally judgmental background check on co-writers

2 can a day Copenhagen habit

Wears big hats to church and sits in front of short people

3. Travis Meadows

Spreads nasty rumors about Whiskey Jack's hygiene

Argues with cashiers over expired coupons

Changes Alan Jackson online set lists and Wikipedia page to say AJ covers Lil Wayne, Future

2. Mandy Barnett

Writes "Nice" on page 69 of every library book she checks out

Coughs on buffets

Still wears a bluetooth earpiece

1. Kendell Marvel

Refused shot, gave 73 people flu this year

Secretly writes bro-country songs under pen name Chris DeStefano

Doesn't refill the Keurig

Claims world's largest laserdisc porn collection

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in Americana Music

Some would imagine that the fan-friendly, honest Americana music scene would not be as likely to contain divas and d-bags as the more mainstream genres of music. However, thanks to critic and hipster love for the buzzworthy genre, things have changed of late. This groundswell has slowly created a context wherein all manner of unlikely aspirants are more apt to let their jerk flag fly. Here are some of the genre's most egregious offenders.

10. Brent Cobb

"Forgets" to invite cousin Dave to family functions

Band members only allowed to speak to him by text message

9. Rhiannon Giddens

Borrows band members' phones and logs out of everything

Once put a fan who accidentally called her 'Rihanna' in a triangle choke submission hold

8. Amanda Shires

Wouldn't speak to husband, Jason, for a month when he opposed the name "Taco Lucinda" for their daughter

Performed an entire show of Rob Thomas covers when one crowd was smaller than anticipated

7. Rob Baird

Always eats the middle cinnamon roll out of the pan first

Spends hours a day leaving 1 star iTunes reviews on other Americana artists

Will only autograph thongs

6. Shooter Jennings

Puffs, doesn't pass

Got a secret tip and sold all his Bitcoin to Marilyn Manson just before Bitcoin crashed

Plans to do an all-EDM tour later this year

5. Ward Davis

Secretly bullies Cody Jinks

Still says "Dilly Dilly!"

Keeps telling everybody new music is coming "soon" but it never does

4. Holly Williams

First person to ingest a Tide Pod on video

Can only name 3 Hank Sr. songs

Drives 10 mph below speed limit in left lane

3. Drew Kennedy

Never cleans stations in the gym after using them

Doesn't wash out the sink after beard grooming

Tour rider includes "organic kale candy" and "fitted hemp Phillies cap"

2. Courtney Patton

Spreads rumors about Jamie Lin Wilson on Snapchat

Tells dirty jokes at funerals

Vapes dill pickle flavor at songwriting sessions

1. Paul Thorn

Does the old "replace the vodka with water" trick on his tour bus

Constantly reminds fans he used to be a boxer

Never plays his top 5 songs on Spotify in concert

Always has a few credit card skimmers on hand