FGL is Creepin' U Out

Single Review: Blackjack Billy - The Booze Cruise

Sometimes there's not anything I can say about a song that's more damaging than the very existence of said song. This is probably one of those times, yet I shall strive to provide ample hatin' on this piece of crap.

"The Booze Cruise." The title alone alerts you that this song is likely not a cover of some unearthed Townes Van Zant gem. That's cool, fun songs are just fine. I can't listen to ALL depressing Americana, so a little levity is appreciated from time to time.

This song is also irredeemably stupid. I suppose dumb songs are okay too. AC/DC lyrics will never be mistaken for Shakespeare and I love 90% of their songs.

It's when you combine fun, stupid and unoriginal that problems arise for me. "The Booze Cruise" nails all three with aplomb. Blackjack Billy is Florida-Georgia Line with more dudes and a less identifiable sound. If that sounds enticing to you, I have to ask: Why are you here?

Let's tackle the lyrical content. You know how people always used to say "I think I just threw up in my mouth?" (If you're still saying it, please stop). Anyway - I actually did feel a bit queasy listening to this. Even though I was in the comfort of my own home, I had to look around and make sure nobody caught me listening to it. I turned off my Last.fm scrobbler so it would not be recorded that I ever listened to this excrement. But I did.

And I heard lyrics like: "Booze cruise, summer groove, I wanna see your booty move" and "Who wants to do a body shot off a string bikini/We call that a hillbilly martini." Seriously. They're just making up shit, right? They call it a hillbilly martini because it rhymes with bikini, but nobody has ever said that in the history of ever. Also, there are hotties (which is misspelled in the OFFICIAL lyric video!), flip flops, a pontoon, "get some," "it's going down" and "redneck margarita."

There is also a 16 year old on the Booze Cruise. I'm sure she's drinking virgin redneck margaritas though, so it's all good dawg.

This song is misogynistic. It's unoriginal. It will lower your IQ by 20 points in two minutes and fifty-one seconds. Larry Lee would say it's hedonistic, and he'd be right. Let it be said now that anyone who utters the words "it can't get any worse" is flat out wrong. It can and will and just did.

F

One more thing, in the video that follows, a long haired 50-something on a beach "plays" Blackjack Billy's song on his jam box that clearly has no cassette in the deck. Dear Lord. The stupid must hurt.

Intentional Douchebag

Check out this hilarious (FTM inspired?) song by Will Bouldin (@wbboyd).

Top Ten Appetizers to be Served at Rascal Flatts' Restaurant

When Rascal Flatts' Phoenix restaurant opens later this year, it will serve some unique main dishes, as we learned earlier. What appetizers will they be whetting your appetite with?

10. Fried Pickle Wrapped Corndogs

9. "Bless the Broken Bread" Softball Sized Yeast Rolls

8. Basket of Pork Rinds with gravy dipping sauce

7. "Mayberry" Fried Cherry Coke

6. Big-o'-Bowl-o'-Brisket

5. Chicken-fried Philly Cheesesteak Quesadillas

4. Cheddar-stuffed Calamari with ranch dipping sauce

3. "I Won't Let Go" Beer-battered Grilled Cheese Minis

2. Refried Chili-dog Pizza Nachos

1. Gary's "Healthy Choice" Double-fried Bacon-wrapped Cream-cheese-stuffed Green Beans

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