Badass-o-meter 3

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Happy Mother's Day Weekend!

Fun With Charts & Graphs (and Newspaper Ads)

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A Terrible Mother's Day Gift Idea

Artist Mash-Up

Chuck Wicks Exclusive!

An anonymous source sent me the lyrics for the lead single on Chuck Wicks' second album, due in November. Enjoy!

TMB
©2009 (not actually written by) Jimmy Wayne and Jay DeMarcus

v1
I was so lost
Until you came until my world
The waves, they tossed
Until you quieted the storm, girl
I was a fool
But then again I'm just a man
This is for you
So put out your sweet little hand

Chorus
Here, take my balls
I don't need 'em anymore
Wrap them in silk and keep 'em in your dresser drawer
You saved my life
So it's the least that I can do
Yeah, take my balls and I'll always sing this sweet for you

v2
I'll rub your feet
Unless you want me to fold clothes
Tell me your dreams
I'll flush mine down the commode
Girl, listen here
I'm done with sports and cigarettes
No drinkin' beer
Let's just hold hands, cause who needs sex?

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge
Your love is the greatest thing I have ever known
Steal away my heart and my testosterone

Oh take my balls
I don't need 'em anymore
No baby, I don't want to know the Dallas Cowboys score
You are my life
So I'll watch Lifetime shows with you
Yeah, take my balls and sure, I'd love to have more tofu

Fun With Charts & Graphs

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Fun With Charts & Graphs (and Jr. High Tests)

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Concept by CM Wilcox of Country California

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #6

Subtlety is a tool for artsy fartsy, liberal sissies and haters of America. Figure out your message and whop your listener crossways upside the head with it! Keep it simple so the dummies pay the moneys. If you wanna be like Surfjohn Steven or whoever and tour in a van and live in a mud hut, go on ahead with your bad self. Keep your artistic integrity or whatever. But if you want an offensively large house and bling and a life of class and sophistication like mine, do as I do and say.

Not actually written by John Rich.

YouTube Gems

An utterly bizarre commercial... (there's also a "making of" video on YouTube that takes it to another level)

FTM Sells Out: The Devil Makes Three

I don't have a lot of bands contacting me for promotional purposes. The reason for that is obvious - I'm mean. Despite the fact that this blog's place in the world is to make fun of anything and everything music related (particularly country related), no matter how inane or sophomoric, I have received my share of emails from groups and artists wanting me to check out their material, and if interested, post a feature about them along with an mp3. To this point, I haven't been impressed enough with anything I've heard to mention it here. The Devil Makes Three's album Do Wrong Right has impressed me enough to be featured as my first FTM Sells Out (the first of what won't be a frequent feature, so that shows you how much I enjoy this album).

Falling right in the pocket of the kind of music that's moving me these days, The Devil Make Three is a string band that blends bluegrass, folk and country into an engaging mix of traditional sounds with an absolutely electric vibe. The playing is top notch, the vocals are strong and the writing is stellar. In fact, I can't find a weak facet to this group. Being a lyricist on the side, I'm drawn to smart, interesting, humorous or soulful lyrics that don't feel contrived and The DM3 deliver on all points. They dip into politics without pandering or pissing. They write about religion thoughtfully and cleverly. They tackle love, drugs and other blue collar interests in fresh and interesting ways. This is an exciting band with a bright future. For reference, you'll probably dig The Devil Makes Three if you like Justin Townes Earle, Old Crow Medicine Show, Bob Dylan or The Avett Brothers, among others. Their new album is called Do Wrong Right and it's one of the best I've heard this year. Definitely check out their Myspace page and I'm also providing a link for a free mp3 download of "All Hail" from Do Wrong Right.

Free Download:

"All Hail"

The Devil Makes Three's Myspace Site

Buy "Do Wrong Right" CD

Buy "Do Wrong Right" Digital Download

.99 Review - Richie McDonald

Richie McDonald - 6 Foot Teddy Bear

The People's Take

amazing song (5 stars)

Richie McDonald is an amazing singer. I am so glad that he came back as a single artist and is using his name. Great song and hopefully more to come.

by 101tobybeth

Welcome Back (4 stars)

So glad Richie McDonald is back. He always carried the group, so I know he'll have no trouble doing well on his own!!!

by A. Helton

Who is this? (2 stars)

Is this the guy from Ricochet? or what other group?

by sunshine24

My Take

Total value: .07/.99

The Checklist

Church/God
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
Love
Hometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Truck
Whiskey
Beer
Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power

Parody of Kenny Chesney's "Out Last Night"

Plowed Last Night

(a parody of Kenny Chesney's "Out Last Night")

I got plowed last night
I was blasted, bombed and stewed
Poured till I puked last night
My level was one-oh-two
There were girls from Cruger-Tchula and Arkansas
And Coffeeville I was hittin' on
Tried all my best moves, they didn't stay long

Chorus
Cause I was plowed last night
A live person can't be any drunker
Plowed last night
Now I know the toilet better than a plumber I acted a fool, put my ass on display
Sat in with the band but don't know how to play
And life ain't worth a damn today
I got plowed last night

I'm usually a gentleman
When I'm out lookin' for a piece
But last night I disturbed the peace
When I got on that Hennessy
I was a vagrant, a brawler, a skirt-chasin' scum
Slingblade's brother tryin' to get me some
Even Billy Bob would call me a bum

Chorus
Cause I got plowed last night
Cooter Brown's never been any drunker
Plowed last night

Now I'm deeper into the toilet than a plunger
I caused quite a scene, put my ass on display
Every woman I hit on said she was gay
I can taste my lunch from yesterday
I got plowed last night

Well the fact that I’m still heaving
Means that I'm barely alive
Pretty sure I've thrown up everything including my pride

Chorus
Cause I got plowed last night
Ol' Otis would say that I was drunker
Plowed last night

Needless to say I didn't get any numbers

I tried dancing on the tables
But I couldn't stand up
So I stayed on my stool and leaned on a cup
There was not a girl in sight
When I got plowed last night

(bleeccchhhhhhh)

Chucky

Here's some Chuck Wicks Photocrap.  And I mean... really, really Photocrappy...

Fun With Charts & Graphs (& Diagrams)

Odds & Ends

YouTube Gem - Justin Townes Earle

Off his current album, Midnight at the Movies, here's Justin Townes Earle with his cover of The Replacements' "Can't Hardly Wait"

Best of 2009 So Far: Expanded Edition

I usually don't rank everything I've heard for these personal charts, but I thought I'd do so this time around... even including a mainstream country rankings after the main chart.

1. Ben Nichols - The Last Pale Light in the West
2. Justin Townes Earle - Midnight at the Movies
3. The Gourds - Haymaker!
4. Phosphorescent - To Willie
5. Great Lake Swimmers - Lost Channels
6. Mastodon - Crack the Skye
7. Steve Earle - Townes
8. Slaid Cleaves - Everything You Love Will Be Taken Away
9. The Deep Dark Woods - Winter Hours
10. Scott Miller - For Crying Out Loud
11. Eric Church - Carolina
12. Strand of Oaks - Leave Ruin
13. Jason Isbell and The 400 Unit - s/t
14. The Last Vegas - Whatever Gets You Off
15. The Felice Brothers - Yonder is the Clock
16. The Hold Steady - A Positive Rage
17. Silversun Pickups - Swoon
18. Incredibad - The Lonely Island
19. U2 - No Line on the Horizon
20. Terry Anderson & The Olympic Ass Kickin' Team - National Champions
21. Doug Burr - The Shawl
22. M.Ward - Hold Time
23. Mark Olson and Gary Louris - Ready for the Flood
24. The Derek Trucks Band - Already Free
25. Neko Case - Middle Cyclone
26. Bruce Springsteen - Waiting on a Dream
27. The Decemberists - The Hazards of Love
28. Husband and Wife - Dark Dark Woods
29. Chris Isaak - Mr. Lucky

Ranking the Mainstream:
1. Eric Church - Carolina
2. Adam Gregory - Crazy Days
3. Rodney Atkins - It's America
4. Keith Urban - Defying Gravity
5. Rascal Flatts - Unstoppable

Fun With Charts & Graphs Doubleshot

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.99 Review - Jack Ingram

Jack Ingram - Barefoot & Crazy

The People's Take

I LIKE IT!!
What a great summer song! This is going to sound great on the CD player on those hot summer days at the beach or just cruising around. Oh yeah.....bring on the heat baby!! I could listen to music like this all day.
by Chesneyfan

(most reviews are just like this...)

My Take:
I'm not ready to throw Jack under the same "sellout" bus as Pat Green just yet, but this song isn't heartening. I don't toss the term "sellout" around lightly (except in jest and on Photocrapped album covers) but it becomes a valid edict when an artist veers so far off their original course just for the sake of commerce (obviously a subjective deduction, but whatever) that you can't hear what drew you to them in the first place. Jack's not there yet. He's still got some stones, as evidenced on his non-single album tracks, at least. I won't defend him like his buddy Todd Snider does though, and this song might even make it hard for Mr. Snider to keep having his back. "Barefoot & Crazy" is a big, dumb celebration of summer anthem. Okay with me if it didn't have the word "barefoot" in the title (my wife's mild foot phobia has uh, rubbed off on me) and if it didn't contain the "cliche-even-for-cliches" rhyme "baby" and "crazy." And if it followed even one new road, melodically or musically or lyrically. It doesn't. It's mindless entertainment for people enjoying exactly what the song describes or wishing they could. Wait, no. That's painting with too broad a brush, 'cause I wish I was experiencing what the song describes at this very moment, but if this song had to be the soundtrack, I might reconsider. Put it this way, the only parts of this song I like are the lyrics "my heart was skipping like a stone" and the reference to "Fishing in the Dark." That's it. With enough Miller Lite (yuck), you won't care though. Crank it up if you must. There are worse songs. There aren't many that are more by-the-numbers though.

Total value: .41/.99

The Checklist
Church/God

Mama

Boots

Name Dropping

Dying Person

County Fair

Lost Love

Love

Hometown Pride

Kindly Advice

Truck

Whiskey

Beer

Life Affirmation

USA

Soldiers

Pop Sheen

Star Power