Showing posts with label Pure Country. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pure Country. Show all posts

Jul 22, 2022

Woman Wearing Soggy Bottom Boys T-Shirt Can’t Even Name 3 of Their Songs

Supposed traditional country music fan and Soggy Bottom Boys t-shirt owner Kelly Landry revealed herself to be a complete poser when tasked with naming 3 of their songs on Thursday. 

“I seen her wearing that shirt up to the PetSmart and I just blew her cover,” laughed real country music fan Carl Outlaw. “She proved herself a complete fraud.” 

Outlaw said that he approached Landry on the dog food aisle and graciously complimented her on her choice of apparel. After a short conversation about the trio’s musicianship and songwriting, (which Landry said she assumed was tongue in cheek) Outlaw began to sense her ignorance and went in for the kill.

“All she could name was ‘Man of Constant Sorrow’ which everybody on earth who isn’t a dumbass Luke Bryan fan knows,” said Outlaw. “I was embarrassed for her and said she ought not wear that shirt in public being no more of a fan than that.” 

“It’s not a real band,” said an exasperated Landry. “Does he want me to name songs the fictional group performed in the movie O Brother Where Art Thou? I’m not even sure what he was getting at besides trying to prove some kind of batshit crazy country authenticity.”

When faced with Landry’s accusation that he, in fact, was the one posturing, Outlaw replied: “Look, I don’t even know what that means, but I will stand up for real country music any time I get the chance. She’s the one on pot, or whatever.” 

Ms. Landry quickly ended the conversation with an abrupt “Bless your heart,” and as she walked away, Outlaw yelled “Go listen to Walker Brown or Kane McGraw, you f***ing fake ass! Bet you don’t even listen to Dusty Chandler!”

Jul 26, 2019

Lil Nas X Cast as Dusty in Pure Country Reboot

In his first ever acting role, rapper Lil Nas X is slated to take up the reins country legend George Strait once held in the early 90s cult favorite Pure Country. X, real name Montero Lamar Hill, will play Dusty Chandler, a disillusioned country superstar who walks away from the lights and fame to reclaim his soul, and finds love along the way. Dexter Fletcher (Rocketman) will direct the picture for Warner Brothers and a release is expected in the fall of 2020.

Though some Strait songs will be sampled or updated for the film, most of the music will be co-written and performed by Lil Nas X himself. The viral smash “Old Town Road” will of course be featured, but expect some twists. “We’ve got a ‘Heartland’ remix coming and it gives you the best of both worlds, tying the (2020) version of Pure Country to the original. It’s going to be fire and lit and whatnot.” said the rapper. 

A love interest for Dusty has not yet been cast, leaving unanswered a major question that will surely be heavily debated on social media in coming weeks. Lil Nas X recently came out as gay, but it is uncertain at this point how the subject of romance will be handled in the film. 

Tyler James Williams (Everybody Hates Chris) will take on the role of Buddy Jackson, a brash young artist who attempts to swindle his way to stardom in Dusty’s absence. Reba McEntire will play Lula Rogers, Chandler’s desperate manager. 

At press time, literally every person, brand, and bot discussing the reboot of Pure Country online was outraged for various, conflicting, and frequently incoherent reasons.


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