Farce the Music

Sep 15, 2017

Luke Bryan Fan eCards: Sept. '17

These are real YouTube comments from Luke Bryan fans.

Caution: very foul language ahead.

13,200 Fans Injured at Luke Bryan Concert

13,200 fans were injured at a Luke Bryan concert in Boone, Iowa this past Friday night. Not physically - spiritually and emotionally.

Around 23 were actually treated for incidents during the show, most of those being minor cuts and abrasions, but all in attendance were harmed more than they could possibly understand. The devastating effects of their unseen injuries may linger with the outwardly healthy and happy concert-goers for years.

Sure, the mild concussion sustained by Iowa State sophomore Andy Remmick when he fell from his friend's shoulders in a drunken stupor may cause short-term memory loss and some difficulty sleeping, but all in all, those symptoms pale in comparison to the detriments attending a Luke Bryan concert has caused to his conscious. Head injuries are no laughing matter, but "a little T-pain, might just make it rain" hurts the mind even more so.

And Brenda Suggs' broken arm she got from trying to catch herself on a beer cart while in a drunken stupor will take a few weeks or longer to heal up, but it's the imperceptible damages done to her psyche that will haunt her for much longer. Sticks and stones may break bones, but "shake it for the catfish" leaves wounds that don't mend with a cast and a few opioids.

Concert attendees appeared to be in jovial moods as they left the Luke Bryan concert Friday night, unaware of the ruinous diseases of the heart and spirit already spreading through their veins along with the 8 tall boys most had consumed.