Aug 30, 2019
Country Fantasy Football Team Names 2019
The NFL gets rolling soon, so it's fantasy football draft time! Here are some (mostly country) music-related fantasy football team names by me and some of FTM's Twitter pals. Any that aren't credited here were come up with by me or Jeremy Harris. You're welcome to steal them because you probably aren't in the same leagues...
Ever Lovin’ Handoff (Jeremy Harris’ actual team name)
Le’Ve’on the Road Again
Beer, Weed, Pooches
Red Solo Kupp
Gurley Shake it For Me
Drake Farm
4th Down Road - Derek Hudgin
Well Well Well My Michel
Between JuJu and Jones
Who Dat Man
Once, Guice, Three Times a Lady
Good Lord Leonard
She Got the Goldmine, I Got First Pick in the Draft - Michael Fenton
Damn Good Feeling to Run These Routes
The Old Jackass Farts
Fleaflicker Greenwood
Goodbye Earl Thomas
Kerryon My Wayward Son
To Beat The Devil In The 40
Ain’t Nothin’ Wrong With Antonio
No Place Too Farve
The Devil’s Right Defensive End
Take Mahomes Country Roads - Alex Williams
Odell Watson’s Chicken Shit Touchdown
Luke Bryan Sucks
Cody Jinksonville Jaguars
Trubisky Myers
Have Gun, Will Fumble
Tom (Brady) Waits for an open receiver
First Down (in a 10 Year Town)
It Gets the Ertz at Night
Goff’s Gonna Cut You Down
Bortles All the Way Down - Jay Arnold
Pancho & Leftwich - Jay Arnold
Lady Mayfield - Jay Arnold
Roethlisberger in Paradise - Jay Arnold
Dak That Azz Up
Mahomes in Alabama
Heart of Gould - Nate
Hick-Hop Cruise Returns to Port Amidst Reports of Chaos and Crime
The Kinfoke Krewz, a Gulf of Mexico excursion featuring country rapper Big Smo, Twang & Round, Lenny Cooper and others, has returned to port in New Orleans amid chaos and reports of crime and illness. 243 of the estimated 703 passengers were arrested once the ship returned shore, on charges ranging from minor assault and underage drinking to kidnapping and drug manufacturing.
The Carnival cruise ship was scheduled to have a stopover in an unspecified Mexican port on Thursday, but the company and Coast Guard officials said the trip had been cut short due to “a multitude of infractions great and small, and a general prevalence of unsanitary conditions and unhealthfulness.”
Before the trip even got underway, several ocean-goers were stopped at the boarding gates attempting to drive their ATVs onto the ramp. The vehicles were stowed in cruise line storage and the passengers were finally allowed aboard.
“They said on the message board that we were gone have a mud bog on the party deck, so I brung my Polaris, but they wouldn’t let me on with the damn thing.” said Timmy “Swaydawg” Thomas of Cary, NC. “They best not be a scratch on it when I get back or somebody a** gettin’ stomped.”
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| Country rapper/reality star Big Smo |
Once at sea, situations took an immediately dire turn. All 7 of the women on board (3 of those being hired bikini models) reported harassment incidents to ship security staff within the first 5 hours. Officers were unable to detain any suspects due to nearly every male aboard fitting the description of “moderate height, overweight white guy with sparse facial hair and a Confederate flag tattoo.”
There were multiple fights, 57 reports of alcohol poisoning, 78 thefts, and one abduction. One man fell from a viewing deck into a stairwell trying to catch a vape pen. Fortunately, his girthy stature prevented serious injuries. A convention room had to be turned into a makeshift brig due to overcrowding in the existing facility.
The itinerary, already on shaky ground, was finally brought to an end by several outbreaks of Norovirus, lice, and an unnamed pustulating neck rash. “The hygiene of this group was questionable, to be polite.” said ship captain Paul Childers, “Do they have showers in the Carolinas and Georgia?”
At press time, the passengers of the canceled Kinfoke Krewz were all waiting in line to get in Pat O’Brien’s.
*fake news*
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