Archives: Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Dan + Shay Fans

ORIGINALLY POSTED JAN. 31, 2020 

----------

 10. Speak to 5% more managers in 2021

9. Keep up with teen slang so you’ll be able to snoop on your daughter’s Snapchat effectively

8. Monthly salon visit to maintain that just above the shoulders layered look that silently asks “Are you supposed to be here?”

7. Keep the white zinfandel cellar fully stocked at all times

6. Berate Dan + Shay on Facebook for not going on tour because Covid is just the damn flu!

5. Sell 22% more essential oils and seaweed kelp powder on Facebook

4. Berate Kane Brown on Instagram for wearing a mask because “there taking our freedom away!”

3. Keep tan somewhere between “just returned from Cozumel” and “oh God, you better get that mole checked out!”

2. Maintain the perimeters and facilities of your gated subdivision against people who don’t seem to belong near you

1. Practice saying “How arrrre yeeewwww??” and “Oh HOOWWW Cute!” and “Bless YEWR Hawrt!” for when you finally get to see your friends after this Covid hoax goes away

Favorite Songs of '23 Spotlight / Metallica / "You Must Burn!"

Save America, George!

 

Predicting Mainstream Country in 2024

By Bobby Peacock

* Caught up in his trend to collaborate with everyone, Riley Green includes 19 artists on his next single... then forgets to include himself

* Entire Billboard Hot Country Songs chart occupied by Zach Bryan songs for five weeks straight; new rule enacted the next week to counter this results in chart occupied entirely by Morgan Wallen songs

* Oliver Anthony Music banned from Dollar General in Farmville, Virginia for vandalizing a display of Fudge Rounds

* Latest Cole Swindell single proven to be both written and produced by AI; results inconclusive on whether Cole himself is an AI

* Several casual Randy Travis fans experience shock upon hearing "Whisper My Name" for the first time

* Disturbance at Woodlawn Memorial Park in Nashville discovered to be Dobie Gray rolling in his grave after the release of Dustin Lynch's "Chevrolet"

* "You Can't Hide Beautiful" by Aaron Lines officially recognized as the first "boyfriend country" song

* Oliver Anthony Music denies allegations that he is related to Lorenzo Music, the former voice actor for Garfield

* For the first time, Luke Combs gets a single all the way to #1 before it even has a Wikipedia article

* Jason Aldean releases new single "But Some of My Best Friends Are Black"... alongside a cover of Cledus T. Judd's "Illegals"

* Bobby continues to be the only Farce the Music regular who refuses to make jokes about Kane Brown or Maren Morris

* Due to an overflow error, Zach Bryan's next album listed on Spotify as having -27 songs on it

* After the success of "Watermelon Moonshine", Lainey Wilson releases "We Danced Regardless", all the while denying allegations that she is just going to keep copying Deana Carter

* Blake Shelton continues his slide into irrelevance by collaborating with Pitbull... oh wait, he already did that

* At last, the long-awaited return of the Smokin' Armadillos

Can't Tell if This is True or a Dream