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Daring New Country Singer Blends Varied Influences Into His Shitty Music

Daring new country singer Skip Malone is on deck for stardom, and he’s here to put Nashville on notice. The dashing 21-year-old out of West Memphis, AR, wants everyone to know that he won’t put out a note of music that wasn’t influenced by music he actually listens to, everything he listens to.

His debut single “Night Like What” blends the stylings of Green Day, Drake, and Kenny Chesney into an unbearable mess of soulless slop. And that’s what he’s counting on. Not on it being an unbearable mess of soulless slop, he’s counting on over-30 country fans to think it’s an unbearable mess of soulless slop. 

“No shade, but I hope they hate it!” laughed Malone. “The more the ops can’t stand it, the more streams we’ll do. You and Saving Country Music and all those blue hairs on Twitter will probably put more cash in my Venmo than the quality of my music.” 

Newly signed to DBAG69, a subsidiary of Mercury Nashville, Malone is already scheduled to open for Dustin Lynch at some shows before his godawful song has even been released to radio. He says the company has promised their full support behind him, already purchasing a tour bus from an ailing legend, and plastering Malone’s ultra-punchable face all over it. 

“TikTok is where we’re really taking off,” said Malone. “Got videos of college girls dancing to “night like what what what” all over the place. It’s humbling fr fr.” (Editor’s note: He actually said “fr fr” out loud)

The song itself, about (you guessed it) meeting a girl in a bar and driving out to the country in his suburban assault truck, sounds like someone having a mild stroke during a Florida-Georgia Line karaoke performance. There’s snap beats, metal riffs, a hint of banjo, an EDM breakdown, a rapped bridge, and autotune galore. It’s as if every channel on Sirius XM was played on top of one another at once, but with a singular programmed beat. 

Currently dating one of Morgan Wallen’s leftovers, Skip Malone looks to have a massive year and he’s excited. “It’s gone be bussin going on tour with Dustin Lynch and dropping this fire later this year.” he smiled. 

At press time, Skip Malone was putting the finishing touches on his second single, “No Simp No Cap.”

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FTM Top 75 Albums of 2012: 51-75

First of all, 2012 was an utterly amazing year

in (mostly) non-radio music. 

That being said, placing on FTM's Top 75 of 2012 meant an album was very strong and worthy of much acclaim and multiple listenings. In fact, I was upset to have to place some of these so "low." 

A few rules: No live albums, no albums including a majority of previously released songs, no EPs.

Without further adieu, here's the FTM Top 75 Albums of 2012: 51-75:

51. Willie Nelson - Heroes

52. Bonnie Raitt - Slipstream

53. Bob Wayne - Till the Wheels Fall Off

54. Kasey Anderson and the Honkies - Let the Bloody Moon Rise

55. Kasey Chambers and Shane Nicholson - Wreck and Ruin

56. Gretchen Peters - Hello Cruel World

57. Lincoln Durham - The Shovel vs The Howling Bones

58. Some Dark Holler - Hollow Chest

59. The Lumineers - s/t

60. Grace Potter and the Nocturnals - The Lion The Beast The Beat

61. Bart Crow - Dandelion

62. Truckstop Darlin' - Hope and the Heart it Breaks

63. The Shins - Port of Morrow

64. Josh Abbott Band - Small Town Family Dream

65. Ty Segall Band - Slaughterhouse

66. The Smashing Pumpkins - Oceania

67. Green Day - Uno

68. Jackson Taylor & The Sinners - Bad Juju

69. The White Buffalo - Once Upon a Time in the West

70. The Sword - Apocryphon

71. Old Crow Medicine Show - Carry Me Home

72. Otis Gibbs - Harder Than Hammered Hell

73. Bruce Springsteen - Wrecking Ball

74. Chris Robinson Brotherhood - Big Moon Ritual

75. Walt Wilkins - Plenty

9-25 New Release Parody Covers: Pitbull, Taylor Swift, etc.