Showing posts with label Phoenix Stone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Phoenix Stone. Show all posts

Dec 17, 2012

Nov 8, 2012

99 Cent Reviews: Phoenix Stone - 100 Proof Moonshine


Phoenix Stone - 100 Proof Moonshine
(listen at the link)


The People's Take:

Best Country Song! (5 Stars)
by WarEagleOne
Great artist! I wish more country songs were like this!!

Love 100 Proof Moonshine (5 Stars)
by Minnow55174
Love this new song!! It's the best country song I've heard in a long time!


My Take:

Mr. Stone, if that is his real name, must have been listening to Jake Owen's 2011 hit, "Barefoot Blue Jean Night" when he was writing this song. The similarities are far too striking for it to be a coincidence. From the tempo to the subject matter to the instrumentation to the "Ooh Whoas," (only this time they're "Ooh Yeahs") this is very nearly a copycat track. There's also the line "We were rock stars living so large" that falls nearly the same spot in the song as Owen's "We were shining like lighters in the dark in the middle of a rock show." While "BBJN" was playful and catchy enough to make the song better than the sum of its cliché parts, "100 Proof Moonshine" sounds forced and crammed with way too many country signifiers and soccer-mom-friendly wistful notions. There's also some autotune and a crowd singalong to take this piece of crap totally over the top into country radio approved cheese. Stone learned to "make love all night" growing up in Florida…. so there's that bit of knowledge for you, in case you care. He can fight, hunt and fry alligator too. If those are important factors in a future mate, you gals might wanna give him a gander. Phoenix's (if that is really his name) vocals are okay and much more country-sounding than I expected coming from one of the founding members of the Backstreet Boys. That may be the only positive that can be drawn from this 190 proof cup of diarrhea. This is just another pop/rock singer following the path of least resistance into Nashville's welcoming arms, nothing more. It's a "how country I am" and party song all rolled into one. And there's even a Def Leppard reference. Need any other information to draw a conclusion about this reeking meadow muffin? It's a rip-off and a restating of the subject matter of what seems like 90% of the songs on the charts. Nothing to see or hear here.

Total Value: .00/.99

The Checklist:
Hard Work
Church/God
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping (song title dropping, anyway)
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
Dog
Love/Sex
Hometown/Country Pride
Kindly Advice
Truck
Alcoholic Beverages
Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power

Sep 13, 2012

Phoenix Stone: A Guy You'll Want to Punch in the Gonads

Just look at this turd.


Don't you already want to punch him in his goofy-ass smile for no real reason?

Well, that's Phoenix Stone, one of the founding members of the Backstreet Boys. I guess he had too much artistic integrity and quit or something. I really don't care enough to do any proper research. Anyway, here's his debut solo album.


Don't you just want to tell Jon "Bones" Jones that Phoenix just told a racist joke and toss them into a locked cage together?

So, why am I mentioning this guy? I don't usually give much coverage to pop music.
Well.... guess. Just guess. That didn't take you long. 

OF COURSE HE'S GONE COUNTRY!

Look at this tool now.


Suddenly he's got tattoos, a cowboy hat, shades and a guitar. Oh, and notice that lovely lens flare.
F this guy.


Do I even need to farce the cover of his new single? Okay, I will, but it's not like there's much left to do. Have I listened to any of his music? Nope. I don't even have to. I know it sucks. Is there any question? He looks like a Bachelor reject and his tattoo also pulls double-duty as his logo. Somebody punch this wanker.

Oh, and Nashville..... MAKE IT STOP!!!

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