Jul 26, 2017
Listen, you must not be hearing my local country station cause I here chicks on their all the time. At least once every four hours they play one and it's to much if you asked me. They all have whiny voices and they don't sing about the stuff I like. I mean, I'm not a sexiest, but women are supposed to be pop singers like Britany Spears, and not sing about hard, gritty country stuff like trucks and punching dudes.
Onto Sam Hunt now. He is a country singer weather you like it our not. Just because your old like 37 or something and wish all country songs we're still about crying in a bear or divorcing your cheating skank, doesn't mean us younger people wanna here about that stuff. Sit your old ass down and listen to you're eight track tapes with Tammy McEntire or whoever. I'm a country fan and Sam Hunt sings about things I expereeyence every day of my life like house parties and doing chicks on backroads. Jealous past your prime jerks just shut up. I hate pop music so clearly Sam Hunt isn't pop. I know my shit.
All these arguments just get old. You say the same things over and over:
Like "Where's the steal guitar?"
LMAO, TF is that.
"Where's the fiddle?"
You talking bout a violin's redneck cousin, bro? Nobody wanna hear that mess.
"There just appealing to young girls?"
And? Long as my girl is happy and in the mood, I'll listen too what ever she likes. If she looking hot and wanna call a Motly Crew song country, she can do it and you can step son.
So in summery, your stupid if you think what they plays on the radio now isn't real country music. Would some body in a position of authartity lie? Of course not. If Hank Williams Junyer was still alive he'd be making party music like FGL, and you know he would.
Get TF out of here with your salty old crusty head ass. I'm out hear tryna get my drink on and just have a good time and that's what country radio wants me to have to. Next your going to tell me that Lil Yachty isn't real rap music.
Apr 7, 2017
"It’s the same reason you hated the quarterback of your high school football team."
"If you’re a mainstream country hater, my guess is that you landed near the bottom of the social totem pole." -Whiskey Riff
I didn't hate the quarterback (sometimes running back, sometimes wherever they needed him) of my high school team. He was pretty cool. Better at baseball than football, went to Bama after high school. Even got drafted to the Reds and hung around in the minors for a few years. He's coaching now, I believe. We're friends on Facebook; we weren't ever actual hang-out buddies, but I certainly didn't hate him.
In fact the only douchebags I remember being on the team were a couple of tall twins who were overly rough in practice. Yeah, I have first-hand knowledge because I went out for the team one spring. Didn't stick with it - not because I got cut or anything - but because I needed to get a job the upcoming summer.
There weren't really highly defined cliques in my school at the time, but I hung out with what you might have called the popular kids. I partied around bonfires. I cut class to go swimming. I went on dates.
The point is, if high school was a popularity contest, I was not cut in round one. I hated to even list all that crap because it doesn't doesn't make me any more valuable to society than a loner (which I kinda am now) or a nerd or a goth chick, and doesn't add up to a hill of beans in a discussion of music. None of that is relevant to my tastes, and besides…. what adult still speaks in the context of high school cliques?
Let's get down to business. In their article "Here's the Real Reason You Hate Mainstream Country Music," Whisky Riff says that basically, if you don't like mainstream country music, you were probably an outcast in high school and you're still jealous of the popular, good looking people. If that's not the dumbest shit I've ever read, I'll probably read the actual dumbest shit next week on Whiskey Riff.
The article is pure clickbait, and I shouldn't take the bait, but I'm human. It pissed me off. Not only because it's so patently false, but because so many people actually believe that crap. It's the equivalent of a YouTube commenter saying "Ur a hater, ur just jealous" to someone who dared say Sam Hunt's latest song might not actually be country. It's a dumb, base mentality opinion from someone who's either not far removed from high school, or sadly, still stuck in that mindset.
"Cody Jinks and Sturgill Simpson are those really talented artsy types" -Whiskey Riff
Why are they artsy types? Were Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash considered "artsy types?" No, they just played country music, like Cody and Sturgill do now. Sturgill was in the Navy and worked on the railroad… Cody was in a thrash metal band; you know, real geeky stuff like that.
After this section of the article they get back to their assumption that haters of music about trucks and chicks must not have ever partaken of kissing chicks in trucks or drinking beer in fields or whatever signifiers you wish to throw in. They also assume that if you didn't participate in these fun realities, you must really hate people who did - because EVERYONE MUST ENJOY THE SAME THINGS. As if people who didn't run with a clique, or someone who only hung out with that one dude from class who also liked Pokemon, or whoever… couldn't develop their own preferences for art that have nothing to do with their place in society.
Nearly every person I've ever met who likes the same kind of music I do seems like an honest and authentic person. Never once have we been discussing the music we like and one of us said "You know? I actually kind of dig Luke Bryan's music, but he's so good looking and rich and popular that I just can't in good conscience listen to him." Not once. Anyone who factors jealousy into their musical tastes is not an actual music fan. If you like Luke Bryan, freakin' listen to him. I like hair metal. Those dudes sold WAY more albums than Luke Bryan ever did, but I didn't say "nah, Skid Row went quadruple platinum and they had lots of girls so I hate them."
Skid Row also never put out a pop album and called it country, but that's a discussion for another day.
Whiskey Riff says to "get over it and leave the past in the past." The highly respected Urban Dictionary defines "projecting" as: An unconscious self-defence mechanism characterised by a person unconsciously attributing their own issues onto someone or something else as a form of delusion and denial.
You're projecting, Whiskey Riff. And thou doth protest too much. And other sayings of that nature.
People like what they like. That truth cuts both ways. I respect the fact that some people truly enjoy Luke Bryan. I don't literally assume they're stupid because of it. I may joke that they are, but the internet isn't real life. Americana music is enjoyed by a wide array of people. White, black, gay, straight, bad drivers, former jocks, current jocks, couch potatoes, The Bachelor fans, smart people, dumb people, fat people, skinny people, loners, and people who are the life of the party. Don't assume shit. I don't. My online "assumptions" are tagged as satire. Whiskey Riff's wasn't. The person who wrote it actually believes that crap.
Nobody dislikes mainstream country because they are jealous. Nobody that I know, anyway. They dislike it because they think it is substandard in comparison to country music released in past years, and to a high degree nowadays, it is not what many country and Americana lovers consider to be actual country music. That's it. That's why. End of story.
I wouldn't be surprised if Whiskey Riff soon publishes an article about how if you don't like mainstream country, you may be an associate of ISIS. Give me a break.
Addendum: I listened to the Whiskey Riff podcast this afternoon after writing this piece. While I didn't agree with a lot of their points, particularly on the first episode, I found them to be engaging and seemingly decent dudes. I also agreed with them on a lot of subjects. They mentioned listening to Stapleton, Alan Jackson, etc in their personal time, so I guess we have some common ground. Still, I vehemently disagree with the article referenced above and stand by every word of this rebuttal.
Sep 30, 2016
File this under: the obvious like the sun is hot, but I think we have unequivocal proof that Nashville-driven pop country is garbage – a steaming shitheap of garbage. So much waste you need waders to stomp through the bullshit. Like, before it was a lot of the obvious raised eyebrows, the throwing of hands in the air, and to everyone who likes this trash, a complete denial not seen since the last Trump speech.
What I’m talking about is uber-tools who use auto tune and wear man buns, the Florida/Georgia Line doing a song with the Backstreet Boys. Come on dudes. There’s zero defense that pop country is just pop. We need to finally come to terms as a species and tell everyone that their new song God, Your Momma, and Me has culturally absolute zero with anything Johnny Cash or Waylon ever did.
I only cite them because every dork in a trucker cap and a flannel with beautiful teeth name drops them constantly like it adds some sort of credibility – well, hoss it don’t. Luke Bryan still sucks, and these two clowns parading around with a geriatric boy band only proves the point further. Yeah, Luke, we remember Here’s to the Farmer where you pander to every blue-collar worker out there in some maligned attempt to be “genuine” – too bad it’s genuinely awful.
But, back to the task at hand, God, Your Momma, and Me – this song defies any logic of how horrible it is. It’s like if AIDS fucked Cancer and created a super hybrid that killed you within an instant. That’s what this is. Within the first few verses, we nail the archetypes of all pop country diatribes: God, love, mommas, angels, shotguns. Of course, they turn up the radio on a dirt road. And they call this malignant colon of music “country” – what the fuck is country about six dudes dancing in tandem and wearing $200 jeans?
Next time you’re at the bar some clown in turquoise “dress boots” starts giving you the business when you tell him Jason Aldean is as country as a Cher, you’ve got probable ammunition to go down the rabbit hole. We already knew Florida/Georgia Line sucked to the infinite levels with their hokey, cliché driven audio enemas, but this is some next-level suckery.
God, Your Momma, and Me is so awful because it falls on pretenses like they’re being slick about singing some shitty love song that features one guy and four other guys oohing and ahhing. That’s the point, it’s deft and meant to distract you from a cold truth: pop country is Rihanna in a cowboy and tight jeans. It’s pop, it’s harmless, its bubble gum and it fucking sucks.
Fight me at swings after school.
*entirely devoid of editing by lazy Trailer*