10. Did I leave the stove on?
9. Natalie's hair looks like the Devil's Tower in Close Encounters!
8. Really need to fart. Really need to fart. Really need to fart.
7. The Chicks get Beyoncé and I just get Pink?
6. Shirts with sleeves are so damn uncomfortable.
5. I wish I hadn't smoked all that crack this afternoon.
4. On one hand, Hillary is more presidential and experienced, but on
the other, Trump really could shake up the status quo. Hmmm.
3. *nothing. nothing at all*
2. Should I put my award from tonight on the guest house mantle?
Or maybe in the auxiliary trophy case at the beach house?
1. You know? I'd really like to be called a racist and get death threats
from Beyoncé fans. I think I'll make a sour face.
