Lyrical Satirical: The Country Listing Song

The Country Listing Song

©2012 FTM Satires

Kudzu on a city limit sign

Pasture party past the county line

Jack and Jim

And redneck friends

Bonfire, tailgate, melon rind

This is the country listing song

Come on everybody, sing along

Scream "hell yeah" if you're country strong

Say I ain't country, I'll prove you wrong

With this here country listing song

City folks and cities suck

I like bass fishin' and whitetail bucks

Hank and Strait

Barbecue plate

Hot cousin in my pickup truck

This is the country listing song

Come on everybody, sing along

Scream "hell yeah" if you're country strong

Say I ain't country, I'll prove you wrong

With this here country listing song

Bridge

Jesus, mama, American way

Small town, love, some other cliché

This is the country listing song

Drink Bud Light till the night is gone

Trim your beard with a shaver from Braun

Try Medifast, tell that gut "So long!"

Get I Heart Radio on your iPhone

This is the country listing song

New Jamey Johnson Album Cover Revealed

Top 10 Qualifications Needed to Sing at the Grand Ole Opry

 10. Be an air breather 

 09. Put forth some sort of sound from your vocal chords 

 08. No fatties 

 07. Ability to attach chain from jeans to wallet 

 06. Record sales 

 05. Name 

 04. Ability to look attractive while singing a cliché song somebody else wrote 

 03. Pulse 

 02. Payola 

(Just kidding, Charlie! This guy's good folks, even if he leans a little pop country.)

 01. Label pull

Drew Kennedy's New Video: "Stars in California"

And now for something worthy of your time. Here's Drew Kennedy with his new video for "Stars in California." Honestly, it's one of the more beautiful videos I've ever seen if not for the beardy dude getting in the way of the shots all throughout.

Drew Kennedy - "Stars in California" (Official Music Video) from M. Andrew Barrera on Vimeo.

Single Review: Craig Morgan - More Trucks Than Cars

I've reduced the lyrics of this song to the clichés and really, there's not much else left.

city limit sign
Water tower, swimming holes
county fairs
biscuits, grits and gravy
hell yeah and amen, yeehaw, and y’all come back again
(soldiers)
Old Glory
trucks
them big city streets (referred to in negative context)
Ford truck, town square
raising our babies and our own green beans

They're just insulting the admittedly low intelligence of the average country radio listener at this point to put this stuff out over and over and over and over and over and over and over and not expect at least one person out there in Walmartica to think "Hey, isn't this the same song they played right before they played this song right after that ad about losing my stubborn belly fat?"

There's no point in reviewing something this insipid and uninspired. Would Apple put out a new iPhone without any new features? Does the '13 Camaro look and perform exactly like the '05? Does CBS just air the same episode of Big Bang Theory every Thursday at 8/7 Central and expect you not to notice? Nope, but the commercial country industry does that shit and they don't give a fried green f*ck what they're doing to the genre as long as you don't change the station and instead maybe get a snippet or two of one of those ads caught in your head. Bottom line is bottoming out country radio. I keep saying it can't go any lower, but they're doing a damn good job of scraping along the ruts.

F f'ing minus
(and for the record, that's without hearing the song even once)