Country TwitterFAIL: March '13

Honest Radio Promo Ad: Sheryl Crow's Country Song

Lyrical Satirical: Badass

Badass

©2013 FTM Satire

Got a chrome bull bar on my F-150

Big shinin' wheels and damn right it's lifted

Got a country hottie, she's drunk and ready

Might get in them cut-offs if she'll let me

Tailgate down in a rutted up pasture

Beer is fine but that jar's a lot faster

If a sip don't burn, it ain't moonshine

If the truck ain't tall, well it ain't mine

If you won't fight, you ain't a man

If you ain't country, ain't worth a damn

If you ain't first, you're closer to last

If you ain't me, you ain't

Badass

Got a part-time job at the uptown Target

If a price changes, damn right I'll mark it

Got a full ride down at the junior college

Still livin' home while I get my knowledge

Got my gated subdivision on a sticker

But that don't mean I ain't an ass-kicker

If a sip don't burn, it ain't moonshine

If the truck ain't tall, well it ain't mine

If you won't fight, you ain't a man

If you ain't country, ain't worth a damn

If you ain't first, you're closer to last

If you ain't me, you ain't

Badass

Bridge

Crankin' A$AP Rocky, textin' on my cell

Wearin' Ed Hardy lookin' bad as hell

Bangin' drunk skanks, not southern belles

Buyin' moonshine off a Kroger shelf

If a sip don't burn, it ain't moonshine

If the truck ain't tall, well it ain't mine

If you won't fight, you ain't a man

If you ain't country, ain't worth a damn

I've never even listened to Johnny Cash

But If you ain't me, you ain't

Badass

Best Albums of 2013 So Far: March

Well, now that we're a full 2 months into the year, I've had enough time with some new music to come up with the first "best of" (in my opinion) list of 2013. It looks to be another banner year, folks.

1. Shooter Jennings - The Other Life (Mar. 12)

(Review coming soon)

2. Ashley Monroe - Like a Rose

3. Jimbo Mathus - White Buffalo

4. Son Volt - Honky Tonk

5. Fifth on the Floor - Ashes & Angels (Mar. 12)

6. Bow Thayer and Perfect Trainwreck - Eden

7. The Stone Foxes - Small Fires

8. Night Beds - Country Sleep

9. Bruce Robison and Kelly Willis - Cheater's Game

10. Chris King - 1983

Country Doppelgangers March 2013

It's been a year since FTM did a full edition of doppelgangers, so it's about time. Thanks to Jeremy Harris for sending the first two and sparking this new post!

Blake Shelton and Chaz Bono

Toby Keith and Leif Garrett.

Jeremiah Fraites of The Lumineers and Woody Harrelson

Kacey Musgraves and Lea Michele of Glee

Ryan Adams and Rick Moranis.

Tyler Hubbard of Florida-Georgia Line and
Jason Mewes of  the Jay and Silent Bob movies.

Hmmm.