May 18, 2018

90s Country Star Comes to the Defense of Modern Country

Amid a steady barrage of elder country singers' complaints about the authenticity of modern country music, 90s star Brad Lee Peterson has come to its defense. 

"Johnny Lee and Travis Tritt and all these other old dudes are just salty and washed" said Peterson. "Man, I like to get crunk to some Sam Hunt and Kane Brown, my dudes. Go drink some Ensure and let the rest of us enjoy how country music has evolved, bro." 

Peterson, the singer of such 1990s favorites as "Hilfiger Cowboy" and "She Don't Blow Up My Pager Anymore" says he understands where the discord comes from, but that country music is in good hands with such artists as Bebe Rexha and Jordan Davis. 

"All this shade throwing comes from a place of jealousy. Jealousy that they aren't getting the airplay anymore." Peterson laughed. "Look in the mirror son, y'all ain't poppin' anymore - old get off my lawn head ass crackers."

"Luke Bryan is really where things started getting better and Florida-Georgia Line just got it lit to another level!" smiled Peterson. "Country music is whatever country radio tells us we should love - they know what they're doing. They knew when they made (Peterson's only #1) "Party Up in My Lowered Truck" a smash hit in '93 and they know now." 

The debate between country traditionalists and progressives has hit several peaks in recent years. Bro-country was extremely divisive and the current trend of R&B flavored music on country radio has raised the ire still higher. Peterson, for his part, thinks it's all overblown: "It goes in cycles - it'll come back around to more classic-sounding country like Rascal Flatts or Shania Twain - then it'll jump out of the box again and do something like mumble-country… but the wheel always turns." 

At press time, Brad Lee Peterson was preparing to release his comeback single "Hashtag Fire (ft. Post Malone)."


May 17, 2018

Brent Cobb Performs "When the Dust Settles"

Country Doppelgängers: Evan Felker, Clint Black, Koe Wetzel, etc.

 Roy Rogers looked like Clint Black's dad

 Turnpike Troubadour Evan Felker
and actor/Jackass Johnny Knoxville

 Jordan Davis is a less cool 
Opie of Sons of Anarchy (Ryan Hurst)

 Kyle Park and "yodel boy" Mason Ramsey

Parker McCollum and Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter

Koe Wetzel is Mark Henry without the melanin and muscles

Lee Greenwood looks like ...aw man

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews Ashley Monroe's "Hands on You"



Oh my. 

I am in a quandary over this song. It seems, on the surface, to be about unabashed sexual humanism and lustfulness. I was brought up to believe that anything the flesh craves is naughty, but the narrator of this song is rushing headlong towards bodily pleasure! It is almost lewd and makes my chest feel funny.

I am not one to indulge in pleasurable things very often. My truck's air conditioner doesn't work. I can't put salt on my food. The strongest drink I partake of is Diet Rite. The pews at my church are harder than my wife's biscuits. So, I clearly am not the one to approach with questions of sensuality and enjoyment. 

However, I understand that God created loving copulation. He made it good (as best as I can recall). He made it enjoyable for a husband and wife so that they would bring more little Christians into the world. 

So, if "Hands on You" is about missing your spouse and playing little games with them, then I guess it is within the scope of what the Lord might intend for sexual relations between a man and wife. It makes me uncomfortable, but I see no reason to label it as sinful. 

If however, it is about unwed persons experiencing carnal lust and just sticking tallywhackers in hoo hoos willy-nilly, then it is certainly ungodly. I rebuke it!

Since Mrs. Monroe is indeed betrothed in holy matrimony, I am going to assume that this musical work is safe for (adult & married!) Christian consumption. I'm going to give it a grade of

B+


On a side note, my wife overheard me listening to this song. She now has it on her iPod and just hiked up her muumuu a little. I guess I better hit the medicine cabinet. Good evening, y'all.

Sam Hunt Has a New Song. You Know What That Means...



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