Oct 31, 2009

YouTube Gems: Hank III

Happy Halloween! Satan makes a guest appearance in this video, so I guess it fits the day.

Oct 29, 2009

New LoCash Cowboys Merchandise

The guys have barely gotten started on their journey towards eventual takeover of country music and already, LoCash Cowboys have some cool new products on the shelves. Pictured items are not accurate in compared relative size, thankfully.

Oct 28, 2009

Top 10 Country Song Remixes That Will Never Happen

In light of Colt Ford's "Fat Shan Remix" of Joe Nichols' "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off," FTM takes a look at country song remixes/reworkings that will never see the light of day.

Top 10 Country Song Remixes That Will Never Happen

10. George Jones - "High Tech Redneck 2010" (ft. T-Pain)

09. Taylor Swift - "You Belong With Me" (Autotune Duet with Kanye West)

08. Hank Williams - "I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive" (EarlyGrave Remix w/Tupac)

07. Willie Nelson & Lil Wayne - "To All the Ho's I've Loved Before"

06. Drew Kennedy - "Good Things" (Phillies Suck Remix w/Colt Ford)

05. Dixie Chicks - "Cowboy Troy, Take Me Away" (w/Cowboy Troy)

04. Johnny Cash - "I Walk the Line" (featuring Snoop Dogg)
Say What? It did happen? Oh. :(

03. Eminem w/Carrie Underwood - "Stan, Don't Take the Wheel"

02. Rascal Flatts - "Bob That Head/Hey We Want Some -----" (w/2 Live Crew)

01. Waylon Jennings - "Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way" ("F It All" Swizz Beatz Remix)

Top 10 Things Garth Brooks Has Been Doing During His Retirement

10. Going to Walmart in his Chris Gaines outfit to see if anyone recognizes him

09. Redecorating the house in Mo Betta

08. Listening to Todd Snider

07. Hitting the P90X® to lose some girth

06. Plotting the final step in his utter destruction of country music

05. Randomizing order of songs for next 12 hit compilations

04. Swinging around the family room on wires

03. Getting kickass good at Sudoku

02. Rearranging piles of money

01. Trisha Yearwood

Oct 26, 2009

Drew Kennedy - An Audio Guide to Cross Country Travel

Singer/songwriter and generally cool guy, Drew Kennedy releases his new album An Audio Guide to Cross Country Travel Tuesday. I'll leave the reviews to the pros, but trust me, this is a great album (already in FTM's top 15 of the year), filled with soulful vocals and thoughtful lyrics. Drew may be a part of the Texas scene but he's a different animal altogether. Far from frat-country, his songs are well-crafted and literate. His rich voice may take some getting used to for some, but once you get it, you love it. Give Drew and his new album a listen!


Songs Illustrated Doubleshot

Oct 23, 2009

YouTube Gems: Wrinkle Neck Mules

I just discovered Wrinkle Neck Mules last year, but they've quickly become one of my favorite bands. They are an addictive alt-country band with bluegrassy vocals and strong storytelling. I couldn't find any live performances of songs from their latest album (and definite FTM top 10 of '09) Let the Lead Fly, but here's "Mecklenburg County" from their album Pull the Brake. The term "Americana" is too-frequently thrown around to describe any band that's vaguely rootsy, but I think in this case, it is most apt.

Oct 22, 2009

Top Ten Rejected Names For John Rich's Forthcoming Son, Cash

10. I.B.

09. Phil T.

08. Richie

07. Jared

06. Haggard

05. Target

04. Stanky

03. F.N. (thanks Chris N, Mike K)

02. Biggun'

01. Sonova

New Rascal Flatts Merchandise

Phillips has introduced a new line of Rascal Flatts themed vacuum cleaners. Their reasoning behind this move is obvious. Here is a first look at the new model.

Oct 21, 2009

.99 Review: LoCash Cowboys

.99 Review
LoCash Cowboys
"Fresh Off the Farm"

The People's Take

Alsome!!!!!!!$$$$$ (5 Stars)) – I can't believe they are not in the top iTunes list, but they do deserve it. They work so hard to get this far, I wonder wats goin to happen nxt wit them- go LoCash!!!!!
-by Gambet

Love these guys! (5 stars) – So excited to finally get some new LoCash!! I just love Fresh Off The Farm! If you've never seen these guys in concert, I highly recommend it! They rock down the house and are so friendly, too! They are just the best! Love you guys!
– by CheerCat35

My Take

So the saying goes: "You can't judge a book by its cover." I call B.S. The LoCash Cowboys are douchebags. Look at them (album cover at bottom of article). One guy's got the blu-blocker shades on and lots of bling, a Trent Tomlinson-issue dew rag, a carefully unkempt shirt and tie, ripped jeans, watch chain, manicured facial hair, the pursed lips kissy face and the two-gun salute. The other guy is similarly attired and displays the "yeah!" face with a one gun salute/"what up" sign. So, yeah, it's indisputable. Strike one.

Could we give 'em a pass if the music was good? No. But fear not, it's not. Good that is.

What really pisses me off about the song is that it's not bad by current Nashville standards. I'd hoped to make fun of the production values, because I'd heard a couple of songs from their self-released debut and it was charmingly awful. Not so now, what with Jeffrey Steele at the helm, they sound just like everybody else in Nashvegas. Like a PG-13 Rascal Flatts even. So, they robbed me of that angle for talking trash about them. Strike two.

I'm not going to actually review this song (do I ever?). All you need to know is that it sounds something like the aforementioned Rascal Flatts by way of Big & Rich's "Save a Horse..." and that the 'boys provide you with this handy-dandy checklist to cull potential girlfriends:
[ ] wears Daisy Dukes
[ ] wears cowboy boots
[ ] is cornfed
[ ] is fine as Ellie May
[ ] green as John Deere
[ ] has a hourglass figure
[ ] gets you high as a barn
[ ] can load shotgun
[ ] can fish
[ ] can milk a cow
[ ] is homegrown
[ ] is country fried

If your woman doesn't meet at least five of these criteria, it's time to seriously consider kicking her to the curb.

Or not.

Hey, Cowboys. Strike Three. You suck!

Total value: .09/.99

The Checklist

Check mark symbolBoots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
Check mark symbolLove
Hometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Life Affirmation
Pop Sheen

Oct 19, 2009

Top Ten Ways You Can Know a Country Album Sucks Without Listening to It

New series... self explanatory. Top ten lists. Hope ya like.

Top 10
Ways You Can Know a Country Album Sucks Without Listening to It

10. Singer in cover photo wearing too much Mascara... and it's a dude

09. Ed Hardy thanked in liner notes

08. The album is named after a Hall & Oates song

07. One of the musicians listed is a DJ

06. The lead single is more autotuned than Akon

05. Roughstock gave it a positive review*

04. There's more than one song title with a combination of 2 or more of these words: country, I'm, from, boy, where, backwoods, sticks, proud, raised, way, farm

03. Sticker on cover says "With special guest Colt Ford"

02. The band's name features an intentionally misspelled word

01. If the word "Flatt" is on the cover, but "Scruggs" or "Lester" isn't

*Just kiddin' Matt. :)

Oct 14, 2009

Country Day: October '09

Thanks to CM Wilcox for the inspiration on the Carrie cover!

Tomorrow is...

Country Day: October - featuring parody album covers from Rodney Atkins, Miranda Lambert, George Strait and Carrie Underwood. Check back tonight or tomorrow for the post!

Oct 12, 2009

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #19

You need to think ahead of the curve. Right now, I'm thinking about all those scoundrels crossing the southern border of our great United States and while they are illegals and should be shot on sight, if they do happen to get into the land of milk and honeys, they will one day be consumers. It is well known that the Mexicans like pop and country music. We in Nashville have not yet appealed to that interest. I have written many songs lately that use Mexicano imagery and ideals, for example: one song is about stealing cars and eating refried beans. This is a vast untapped source for money, I mean, music. The Mexicans are coming so keep your eyes on the horizon. And your wallet.

Not actually written by John Rich.

Oct 9, 2009

YouTube Gems: Gremlins II Redux

Here's the Gremlins II trailer re-edited with new music from Where The Wild Things Are. What a difference the soundtrack makes in giving something emotional weight! Hilarious.


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