Mainstream Country Station Accidentally Plays Good Song

Note: This story was blatantly ripped off from Babylon Bee and adapted for country radio.

SOUTHAVEN, MS—Representatives for local mainstream country radio station WFNN 99.1 "Mighty Fine Ninety-Nine" issued an official apology Thursday morning after accidentally playing a good song on their station. An employee error reportedly caused the not awful song to be played in full.

“There’s no excuse, and we apologize,” a station representative said. “We meant to play another vapid pop song with a fiddle hidden in there so deep you'd need a stethoscope to hear it, and somehow a song with deep themes, country instrumentation, and solid musical execution just was slipped into the queue by a now former employee.”

Horrified listeners reportedly phoned in poorly though-out and nearly incomprehensible complaints throughout the morning.

“I relies on Mighty Fine 99 to play Luke Bryan at least twice hourly so I can make it through my hard morning of posting Alex Jones videos and racist memes on Facebook,” one local woman told reporters. “And they p**sed me off... because of that twangy noise song, they only played Luke eleventeen times today. I'm switching over to Bro-Country 102 if this s**t continues.”

"I accidentally heard a steel guitar and felt an emotion, despite being on high doses of feeling reducer pills," said Jonny Latham of Olive Branch. "That Stapleton dude sang a few three syllable words and made me feels intelligently inadequate." 

The network’s leadership assured its disgruntled listener base it wouldn’t happen again.

“I’ve personally gone in and purged every Miranda Lambert, Jon Pardi, and Chris Stapleton song from our system and instructed our content managers to only play mind-numbing, formulaic hits based on our data metrics going forward,” 99.1's program director said. “And as a special thank you to listeners for sticking with us, I’m happy to announce we’ll be playing only "Downtown's Dead" and "Heaven" for six straight hours Sunday afternoon." 

New Video / John Prine / "Knockin' On Your Screendoor"

From his excellent album The Tree of Forgiveness.

Dazed and Confused Country Memes

Dazed and Confused celebrates its 25th anniversary in September. We're celebrating now. 

People Need To Chill Out About Vein

by Robert Dean

As a dude who’s in the twilight of his 30’s, I’ve got beef with some of the reviewers out there and how they’re approaching Vein and their record Errorzone. In some of the reviews I’ve seen online in the blogs or vlogs (6 out of 10 WTF, mate?), I gotta call out when people say Vein is trying too hard to be unique or isn’t as good as Botch or Converge, or even the original Norma Jean record. That’s straight up garbage.

Here’s the thing: these are kids in their early 20’s, they weren’t around when I was going to see Coalesce at the Fireside Bowl or watch Botch play a matinee show for gas money. They weren’t born or just barely in diapers when I was watching Converge play the “Saddest Day” in Chicago for the first time ever. I was there when those bands were in their heyday, infancy and ultimately their demise. To mention Vein in the breath of those legendary acts is a triumph because so many bands desperately try to copy that style and that moment in hardcore. And 99% of those bands either suck total ass or fail.

When Vein took the stage at Barracuda in Austin last night, it was a watershed moment for them. Despite Code Orange having to cancel, it was 100% clear the majority of the bodies who still wanted to see the show were there for Vein – the openers. They’re a band on the rise, and the hype is deserved. They’re mixing styles flawlessly and for a first record, written by a band who most of them can’t even legally buy a beer is fantastic. What did YOUR band sound like at 20? 

Cruising through their cuts off Errorzone, the crowd was excited, and it was a mix of old dudes like young kids screaming their hearts out and me, many probably attending their first hardcore show. That’s cool. There were clearly kids who weren’t “in the scene” and ready to freak out for their new favorite band. A band, who isn’t playing super radio friendly metal, but a band that’s playing off-kilter, off-timed hardcore that is a direct descendant of Dead Guy, Pig Destroyer, and Glassjaw. We should be so lucky people give a shit. 

Critics pretending that they’re all wise and critical are nothing but assholes. We should be thrilled that Errorzone is as good as it is because the potential to blow it away is written into the DNA of what Vein is. They mix a lot of genres, and the end result is powerful, emotional and absolutely is a throwback to when we got to see bands like Cave In play for ½ empty rooms because no one liked Jupiter. To think that Vein is capable of dropping a hybrid of Deftones White Pony and Dillinger Escape Plan’s Calculating Infinity isn’t a pipe dream.

As an official hardcore grey beard, I call bullshit and that we should rally around the new bands. These kids are changing hardcore and making it fun again. How many fucking Hatebreed copies do we need? Madball can barely be Madball anymore, so why do we need another guy copying Freddy? 

Let the kids play. They’re killing it. People are excited, and you know what, we need as much fierce rock and roll as we can get.  Vein is bringing it in spades. 

Coming to America: Country Reaction Gifs

*NSFW language*

When the poster said country concert, but Walker Hayes is on stage

What do you think of Kelly Willis, Sunny Sweeney, and Elizabeth Cook?

When three dudes are trying to get you to listen to Kane Brown

Tyler Childers...

When your girl says her friend backed out of going to the Florida-Georgia Line concert and you know what question is coming next

Is it okay to punch someone who insults George Strait?

"Is it cool if I play a little Luke Bryan?

Just for a few minutes?"

When somebody says their favorite traditional country singer is Tim McGraw