Country Day June '10

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio April 2010

Did this back and December and it was such a rousing meh, I thought I'd do it again. Here are some quick "reviews" of all the songs your local country station will be running into the ground next month.

1. Jason Aldean - "Crazy Town"

This dreck tosses what little goodwill I'd gotten about the guy based on his strong single "The Truth" right out the window. This is a rock song about becoming a country star. And not a very good one at that. Its emotional depth on the subject of making it in country music runs about as deep as Cowboy Troy's street cred. D

2. Miranda Lambert - "The House that Built Me"

Some have called this the single of the year and who am I to argue? Let's just hope Miranda has built up enough glad tidings with radio that she can get this fine ballad played as much as it deserves. A

3. Blaine Larsen - "Chillin'"

Blaine's groovy little summer song seems to have been ripped from Kenny Chesney's songbook. His likable drawl and delivery will probably make this a hit, but as laid back top-down songs go, this is middle of the pack due to a heavy dose of cliché. C+

4. Tim McGraw - "Still"

Moderately more exciting than its title. "Still," it has an interesting enough sonic texture to give it a little more weight than much of McGraw's output of recent years. C+

5. Tyler Dickerson - "Tell Your Sister I'm Single"

While I'm a little uncomfortable that it seems young Tyler is making a play not only on his ex's sis but also on his ex's mother in the chorus, this is a catchy song from a strong new talent. It's also a male-centric attitude song, something sorely missing on country radio in recent years. B-

6. Jimmy Wayne Ft. Whitney Duncan - "Just Knowing You Love Me"

Another slice of soft rock banana bread from the master of milquetoast (Carb overload!). Luckily, this one's not as bad as most of his previous singles and the compliment of Whitney Duncan's vocals makes this fairly listenable. I just wish J-dub would get some testosterone replacement therapy. C

7. Kenny Chesney - "Ain't Back Yet"

This Springsteen-esque country rocker is more satisfying than Chesney's recent work by a pretty long stretch. It's another reminiscing song added to a long resume of 'em, but a lot less annoying than say, "Young." Surprisingly, I think I like this. B

8. Taylor Swift - "Today Was a Fairy Tale"

Treacly, schmaltzy, cliché, lilting, formulaic, but somehow I can't bring myself to hate it. It'll make millions (more). C-

9. James Otto - "Groovy Little Summer Song"

I'm glad he reminds the guitar player where to start his solo, because he may have just dozed off during the early part of this happily lazy, uh, groovy little summer song. Sure it's a release calculated for maximum timeliness, but just the fact that it's not a hard rock song celebrating bonfires and cutoffs sets this apart from the usual summer dreck. B

10. Jason Sturgeon - "Simple Life"

Simple song. Repetitive, fairly dull and without a single chance at heavy rotation, though some of the instrumentation is nice and Jason's voice is good on the ears - kind of a mix of Radney Foster and Toby Keith. C-

11. Brandi Carlile - "Dying Day"

A token folk-alt-country addition to this month's edition of the promo only disk. For the rare few stations that will play something outside the mainstream. While I'm an apologist for and a big fan of folk-alt-whatever-country, this track is actually fairly listless and unmemorable. Brandi's a big talent in a small genre though. C+

12. Jerrod Niemann - "Lover, Lover"

Well, this is an unexpected surprise. It's bouncy, catchy and commercial while still managing to sound like nothing else on the dial with its bluesy front porch clap-along sound. Excellent track! A-

13. Uncle Kracker - "Smile (Happy Hour-Deluxe Version)"

I'm not sure I can tell the difference between this version and the version that played on pop and AAA stations a couple months ago. The fact that it didn't have to be changed much, if at all, to be presentable to country radio speaks volumes. This was a guilty pleasure the first 3 times I heard it. Since, not so much. C-

14. Laura Bell Bundy - "Giddy On Up"

I'm still in the honeymoon phase with this song. I'll hate it and myself for kinda liking it after a couple of weeks, but damn if it's not catchy and so bad it's good. This generation's "Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?" or (more likely) "Achy Breaky Heart?" It's Broadway country custom built for line dancing. B (2 weeks from now grade - D)

15. Jaron and the Long Road to Love - "Pray for You"

Wow. Here's attitude for you. I was about to write this one off as a Jimmy Wayne wuss-song (though the over-wrought organ intro should have clued me in) until the chorus punched me in the stomach. I like the resurgence of gonaditude on this compilation, but this might be a little harsh with the hopes for God to call down vengeance with flower pots and blown tires. Still, it might elicit enough of a "hell yeah" response in listeners to smooth over the fact that Jaron's praying physical and emotional harm upon his ex. B

16. Emily West w. Keith Urban - "Blue Sky"

See this review. B+

17. Lee Allen - "Settle Down"

Cute hook. A voice reminiscent of John Michael Montgomery. The song is pretty reminiscent of some of JMM's non-ballads also. It's not bad. Probably not enough oomph to conquer the top 30 though. C

18. Coldwater Jane - "Bring on the Love"

The second act on this compilation from my home state of Mississippi (the first being Tyler Dickenson), these girls slide pretty easily into the spot SheDaisy vacated with their hit drought (if that spot still exists). Thankfully, Coldwater Jane is far closer to country than SheDaisy ever thought of being. B-

10 Worst Country Singles of 2009

2009 was a banner year for crap in the world of country music. There's no way I could summarize the sad state of the genre with only ten bad tunes, but allow me to try. Here are the worst country singles of 2009, in no particular order.

Tyler Dean - Taylor Swift

Ample cause for a restraining order if ever there was one. Can't hide the proof. It's right there on iTunes with a 2 star rating. And furthermore, they rereleased it on iTunes after Taylor's late year awards. We hated it the first time, dude.

Jimmy Wayne - Sara Smile

I actually have no problem with a country singer covering Hall & Oates, but for the sake of my sanity and human decency, at least pick a good H&O song, and at least attempt to make it sound country.

Phil Vassar - Bobbi with an "I"

A song about a good ol' boy who likes to cross dress? Did Phil's record company somehow get their demographics and marketing studies mixed up with Lady Gaga's? I'm not shocked by its content, just that it was actually released to country radio.

Bucky Covington - Gotta Be Somebody

More processed than cheese spread, but not nearly as tasty. They could have had one of those NOAA weather radio voices sing this song and I might not know the difference. And holy mother of drive by truckers, it's a Nickelback cover. Why? Just why?

Billy Currington - That's How Country Boys Roll

This is how a country boy turns the station.

Jessie James - My Cowboy

The only thing country about this song is the title. Does that necessarily make it one of the worst country singles of the year? Well, yes... but on artistic merit alone, it's still not good.

Fast Ryde - That Thang

"That Thang" is inexplicably better than their second single, "Make it Rain" (a "farming is hard" anthem so shallow it makes Jason Aldean sound like Levon Helm), but since this ode to country girl bootay is higher profile, it gets the slot. One of the most annoying choruses ever sung. Dang me.

Krista Marie - Jeep Jeep

This one got deservedly ripped to shreds in my .99 review. Krista's decent voice aside, this song is a second-rate product that should never have been released. More like a Yugo than a Jeep.

Jake Owen - Eight Second Ride

That this is supposed to be a sexy song but it has that "spit cup" line in it automatically adds the song to this list by default.

George Strait - River of Love

We hope for more from the King than this warmed-over seventies pop-country, but since he made it up to us with the stellar "Twang" album, this song's inclusion here is just a minor speed bump. In the grand scheme of things, it's better than the other songs on this list and the dishonorable mentions, but as they say, "to whom much is given much is expected."

Dishonorable Mentions: Rodney Atkins "Chasin' Girls" - Toby Keith "God Love Her" - Jason Aldean "She's Country"

Country Day: December 09

Farcie Awards: Worst Album

Our final award of this year's Farcies is the most important. A lot of suck and ineptness goes into winning the trophy for Worst Album. Winning their third broken guitar award of the night is Rascal Flatts with their Unstoppable album, chosen on a staggering 48% of ballots. Remember, multiple selections could be made for this award, so the percentages don't add to 100%. Take a bow, Gary, Joe Don and Jay! Click on the list below to see the voting results. Jimmy Wayne, your lame efforts did not go unnoticed!

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio Dec. 09

I have a friend who worked at a country radio station in the 90's and he used to let me have these Promo Only Country Radio comp's pretty regularly but I haven't listened to one since the (non-legal) Napster days. An anonymous source sent this newest edition to me to review... can't imagine why - except that it's got 5 of my favorite targets (Toby Keith, Justin Moore, Jimmy Wayne, Rascal Flatts, Fast Ryde) on one album! Fish in a barrel and me with this shotgun! I doubt this will become a regular series, since I don't have access to these compilations (but hey, anonymous or somebody else, keep 'em coming if possible!).

Anyway, here are my snap judgments of the songs your local station will be overplaying in December if not sooner. (to be honest, I've heard a few of them before, but anyway...)

1. Chasin' Girls (Album Version) - Rodney Atkins

My IQ dropped 15 points in the 3:30 span of this song. It's not looking good for me still knowing how to spell by the end of this post. This is the dumbist song Rodney's put out yet, and that's saying sumtheeng. D-

2. Cryin' for Me (Wayman's Song) - Toby Keith

Personal, moving and maybe a little surprising, given who it's from. It's a very good song, but possibly a little too narrow in focus to go any higher than top 10 for Toby. Country radio's got no soul. B+

3. Seeing Stars - Jack Ingram with Patty Griffin

Jack tries to maintain his last shred of Americana cred with this thoughtful song featuring singer/songwriter Patty Griffin. Successful? A little, but it strives to be much deeper than it really is. Still, it did help restore my IQ a bit after Rodney's track. B-

4. Hell on the Heart - Eric Church

Not the next single I'd have chosen from Eric's fine Carolina album, but a lesser Church single is miles better than, say, Chuck Wicks' best. B-

5. Angels Like Her - Trent Tomlinson

Hmmm, I get the feeling I've heard this before. Oh yeah, I have... and I still don't like it that much. The imagery in the opening lines is great though. C

6. Backwoods - Justin Moore

Opens with a greasy southern guitar lick... that's nice. Then comes the listing of all things southern... Hmmm, I get the feeling I've heard this before. Oh yeah, I have.... in 1246 previous country pride songs... and I still don't like it that much. It is catchy though. C-

7. Make it Rain - Fast Ryde

This "difficulty of farming lament" runs about as deep as the dry creek running by their dusty farm. IQ nosediving again. Worse than "That Thang." (!!) F

8. Gimmie That Girl - Joe Nichols

Fun, catchy and warm. Solid single from one of the best voices in the genre. B+

9. Why - Rascal Flatts

I'm glad that they're touching on this serious subject that affects way too many people. That aside, this doesn't work for me, but it will be their umpteenth #1 hit. C

10. Stay - Telluride

A dull track from a band that sounds like Jake Owen lite (and Jake Owen heavy ain't much to write home about). D

11. Gotta Be Somebody - Bucky Covington (full .99 Review coming soon)

I'm not prone to cliché or violence, but this makes me want to punch kittens. F-

12. Long After I'm Gone - Big Kenny

He means well, and this is a pleasant enough song, but it's probably not going to be a hit due to his less than Clearchannel-friendly voice. C

13. Sara Smile - Jimmy Wayne Ft. Daryl Hall & John Oates

I'm starting to think this anonymous source was trying to ruin my day. This is the least country song ever released as a country song, period. If not for him being a real decent guy, I might hate Jimmy, but this is just music not life. At music, he FAILS. F

14. One More Drinkin' Song - Jerrod Niemann

This is a middle of the road drinkin' song that is unlikely to get much airplay outside the barrooms that inspired it. C-

15. Julianna - Emma Jacob

Good message, good delivery, decent song overall. If sung by Sugarland, a top 5 hit. Unfortunately, contemporary radio's about as welcoming to up-and-coming females as Adam Lambert is. B

16. The Road - Aaron Watson

Once upon a time in the 90's when country radio still had a soft spot for salt-of-the-earth country songs, this could have been a one-off hit. Now, not so much. A-

17. Hard Rain - Gwen Sebastian

Not sure what I think about this one. It's okay. I like her voice and the imagery of the chorus, but overall, the song is somehow lacking. C

18. Johnny Be Good - Doug Adkins

Suffice it to say, you won't ever hear this on the radio. Interesting to see that the Promo Only comps still include these local oddities. I like that it has some rockabilly flourish, but this is an overly awkward and very lily-white rendition of Chuck Berry's classic. Cranking up some Bo Diddley now. D-

A Closer Look: CMAs

With the 43rd annual CMAs coming up Wednesday, FTM takes a look back at one of the scenes from last year's festivities. Here's a shot of Jake Owen, Julianne Hough and Jimmy Wayne presenting an award at last year's show. Looks lovely enough huh?

But let's see what a closer look reveals! (click here for a closer view)

Relative Size Charts #14 & B&D Special Edition

Honest Jimmy Wayne Promo

Click for a closer view.