Showing posts with label Trace Adkins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trace Adkins. Show all posts

Mar 17, 2011

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist: Honky Tonk Badonkadonk









My son-in-law Jerry, a Southern Baptist, tells me that "badonkadonk" refers to the female buttocks. This song is about a bar-hopping woman's rear end? Really? Who, in their right mind, would view a voluptuous harlot as a fitting partner? I guess this appeals to the base interests inherent in the human male, but those of us who have ascended above the lusts and whims of sin find no appeal in the part of the homosapien that exists only for providing a comfortable cushion on church pews and office chairs or parting to release feces. Viewing a woman's derriere as some signifier of their worth as a marital partner is certainly of the Dark Lord. It is my belief that another demon gets it's black wings every time a man says "whoo-whee" or "Mmh!" about a nicely proportioned "badonkadonk." This part of the anatomy is not even used in the procreation of the species so it defies me why it is such an identifier of sexual attractiveness. Jerry says my daughter has an aesthetically pleasing rear end. Why he felt the need to let me know this I do not fully comprehend. Finding a job should be his primary interest, not the backside of my offspring. Anyway, Trace Adkins is a perverse individual who is only concerned with promoting immorality for financial gain. One only need hear his recent song "Brown Chicken Brown Cow," which Jerry said is a reference to deviant pornography (Jerry was not my preferred suitor for my daughter), to see that he finds no glory in the spiritual side of life. As for me, I tend to ignore my wife's rather large, veiny and cellulite-ridden backside. I keep my eyes on the Lord, for the only "booty" I care about is the crown I will wear on the streets of gold.

F

Feb 12, 2011

Video Junk: Puppet Porn

It was already a terrible song, and now the video is aimed at our innocent children. Joe Camel looks downright kid-friendly in comparison.

Feb 1, 2011

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio February 2011




Just when you think it can't get any worse…..
(Click on the titles to listen)

Snap Judgments - Promo Only Country Radio February 2011

Brad Paisley - This is Country Music
If this song had come out 10 years ago, I might give it a B+. As it stands, this is more of a restating of current country music's (over)recurring themes, than it is a valiant defense of the genre. Thou doth protest too much.
C-

Steel Magnolia - Last Night Again
This sounds like the sequel to Lady A's "Need You Now." They sound good together and this is kinda, sorta something new thematically… I guess.
C+

Aaron Russell - It Don't Get No Better Than This
Sounds like a 90's C-lister. Does this hook even have any gravity these days? For you born after 1980, the title was the tag line for some beer back in the day. Busch I think. This isn't good. Like Busch.
D-

I already know what the chorus is going to say before it gets here. I was right. Oh wait, this is a Luke Bryan song too… and he did a much better job with it. This should scrape the top 60 before dropping off the chart. Good message, just a flat performance.
D

My prejudices were proved wrong here. This is a decent cover of the Waylon classic. A little pointless since it's no kind of retooling or different direction, but it's more solid than I expected. Randy sounds a little tired, but other than that, few complaints.
C+

Kid Rock - Born Free
This is no snap judgment since I've heard this song many times already. I thought it was a pretty dull take on Bob Seger at first, but it's grown on me. Kid Rock does okay with this classic rock sound. The line "if you can't see my heart, you must be blind" irks me, despite my comprehension of metaphor. If a metaphor makes you focus on its literal meaning, it's not effective. However, I hate this song way less than I should.
B-

Crossin Dixon - Goodbye to Henry
Another 90's redux song, but this kicks Aaron Russell's ass. These guys play around here all the time, so they can't be very good though. This is the best Montgomery Gentry song in years…but they had no part in it. Not bad, not bad. Most honest angle on the death of a friend to hit country radio (though it probably won't) in a while.
B-

Miranda Lambert - Heart Like Mine
This girl's got balls. A lot of reviews have stated that this was a safe single release. I don't agree. Mentioning how Jesus drank wine is not "safe" in my neck of the woods. That could get you excommunicated from the Baptist church, friends and Larry Lee agrees. I don't just love this song, but it's strong… Miranda should spread the wealth a little. She gets all the "chick songs" with any weight.
B+

Rascal Flatts - I Won't Let Go
Even thought I've already read CM's positive review, I won't let him influence my snark. If I haven't said it before, I don't hate every Rascal Flatts song... really. This one has a nice easy groove… it's way vague though. The melodies are pretty nice and "The Voice" doesn't over-emote here. Still, it's nowhere close to guilty pleasure territory. I might not have a conniption reaching to change the dial when this comes on, but I'll never seek it out.
C

Ashton Shepherd - Look it Up
As much as I love twang and "real" country, I'm gonna confess that Ashton's drawl may be a little much for even me. Not a bad song, but the repeating of "look it up" bugs the shit out of me in this song. It's like George Strait's "Write This Down." It doesn't really fit in every instance, lyrically… and that's more annoying than clever. I root for this girl out of principle, but I don't like this song.
C-

Steve Holy - Love Don't Run
Holy gets a hit every 3 years, rain or shine. I don't know that this is the one. Maybe it could catch the right ears and ride a wave of approval like Billy Currington's latest has, but Steve doesn't have quite the pipes that Billy does so he needs a more impressive song to pull his gravy train. Kinda boring.
C+

Ricky Skaggs - Someday Soon
Hmm, not sure why this is on here. It's more commercial sounding than anything I've heard from Ricky since the early 90's, but that still doesn't mean anything to radio programmers. I like this, though. It's a galloping mid-tempo anthem that inspires without preaching. If it had a little more spark to it, I could see a more pop leaning artist taking this into the top 10 - Rascal Flatts maybe.
B+

The Band Perry - You Lie
This "band" has proven itself far better than its debut single "Hip to My Heart," with its folksy bent and shining melodies. This song isn't all that… but it's still better than most of what's on the dial. I hope they take more chances next time out (next album, single, whatever). Plenty of promise in their sound though.
B-

Randy Montana - 1,000 Faces
Pop-country-rock. Yawn. 1,000 Faces is another "microcosm of what's wrong with country radio" song. It's vague, hell the hook barely makes sense, but that won't matter… it's sung by a handsome guy with a mainstream voice over a rocking mid-tempo country track. Not even remotely interesting.
D+

Rachel Timberlake - Honky Tonk Queen
American Idol review time - This is a karaoke performance. Nothing about this says "ready for country radio." This is the big leagues… you can't send a .250 batter from single A to play first for the Red Sox. Not good.
F

Sucks. This .99 review says it all.
F+

David Ball - Hot Water Pipe
David won't be returning to the upper reaches of Bob Kingsley's countdown with this quaint number. And as much of an apologist as I am for traditional sounding country… I wish the traditional country artists would at least give me some stronger ammo. This isn't exciting in the least. Apparently there's some sexual innuendo here, but it's a stretch. A dull ending to an extremely uninteresting edition of the Promo Only Country series. Let's hope for some better March releases!
C-

Jan 12, 2011

.99 Reviews: Trace Adkins "Brown Chicken Brown Cow"

.99 Review
(Click the title to listen)

The Peoples' Take

Cowboy (5 Stars)
by Brenda Smith
I love Brown Chicken Brown Cow song - it is the absolute funny and to watch Trace perform this in concert makes it that much better.

One of his best! (5 Stars)
by Paula Peppers
I can't get "brown chicken brown cow" out of my head! LOL


My Take

To be honest with you, I felt dirty listening to this. With a listening history of NWA, 2Pac, 2 Live Crew, George Carlin, Jon Lajoie, Clarence Carter and the Bellamy Brothers ;), that's saying a lot. It's a country rocker built around the old joke that the music in pornographic movies sounds like "bow chicka wow wow," and that's almost all you need to know about the tune. But that won't stop me from running it down.

Trace Adkins has what may be the best voice in contemporary country. It's a booming baritone that has depth and a gentleness when needed. He's also an interesting dude with a big personality and genuine country cred. He's released some really great songs over the years… "Arlington" "Every Light in the House" "Til the Last Shot's Fired" to name a few.

That said, he's also released some of the biggest steaming piles of crap heard on country radio in… ever. I won't hate on "Badonkadonk"… it's been done enough already, and there's at least a little kitsch value to that song. No, I'm talking about "Rough and Ready" "Swing" "I Left Something Turned on at Home" "Hot Mama" "Ladies Love Country Boys" the list goes on.

"Brown Chicken Brown Cow" falls into the latter category. It's a one trick pony with no saddle.

The story is pointless, just a contrived tale to lead up to the punch line. So what's wrong with a little roll in the hay? Nothing; nothing at all if there's a little feeling in the lovemaking or a good plot leading up to it… this is just an end-of-the-show SNL sketch set to music. Ha ha ha, it's a song about porn music, LOLZ! So clever.

What's worse - the titular bovine and foul apparently get off on voyeurism. "nobody watchin' but the brown chicken brown cow." Great. I bet there's already a website for that. The crow even called out to let 'em know that some barn loft sexin' was about to go down. All animals are equal, but some animals get to watch the peep show.

I hope the two rural lovers checked all their crevices for straw afterwards.

Come on Trace. You're better than this.

Total Value: .22/.99

The checklist:
Beer
Life Affirmation
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Blue Jeans
Lost Love
Check mark symbolLove
Hometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Dirt Road
Truck
Whiskey
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Check mark symbolStar Power

Jul 21, 2010

4 Parodied Country Covers

Since July's Country Day was at the very first of the month, here are a few covers to tide you over until August.




Jun 27, 2010

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio July

Welcome to the dog days. Many of these songs are lazy to fit the lazy, hell-hot middle summer months. Not lazy in a pleasant, relaxed way... just lazy. Where's my hammock?

Click the links to hear the songs.


Undo It - Carrie Underwood
The lyrics in the chorus are kindergarten-esque, but the hook hooks me for some reason (yeah, I know... you either luh uh uh uh uv it or hate it). Sure, she's had some better written songs out in the past year, but this is the only one that's stuck with me. I like it.
B-

How he got to be that way? I'm guessing....dad is probably 5'7", mom is 5'1"... just a guess. As for the song, it's pretty standard "I'm rough around the edges" fare. It seems like a pretty weak choice for a single IMO. Album filler does not a #1 make.
C-

I'm In - Keith Urban
I'm glad Keith keeps cutting Radney Foster songs, but even if Radney was singing this, I'd be mildly entertained then yawn.
C

While You're Still Young - Montgomery Gentry
I like the message of the song - it's not glorifying being young - just the feeling of youth. The first two verses don't bring much new to the table, but the chorus is unexpectedly memorable melodically, if not lyrically. Verse 3 brings it home in an RV to happy effect. Better than I expected.
B+

All About Tonight - Blake Shelton
A mindless party song with a melody that doesn't really go anywhere. I like some mindless party songs. I like some songs with melodies that aren't that memorable. I don't like when these two aspects intersect. I like Blake and anybody who has covered The Black Crowes' "She Talks to Angels" in concert and Chris Knight's "It Ain't Easy Being Me" on an album has a lot of money in the bank with me, but this song is a bounced check.
D+
Cool. I dig this a lot. If we can't get neo-traditional and alternative country played on country radio, songs with this amount of laid back edginess and freshness will work.
B+
If I Die Young - The Band Perry
WTF? A pretty, mildly authentic sounding country song from The Band Perry, whose last single wouldn't have sounded out of place on a 90's dance floor? The token fiddle doesn't even sound that token. The Band Perry is almost forgiven for "Hip to My Heart" and their name. Almost.
B
Makes Me Go (La La) - Williams Riley
Nonsense words can be used to great effect at times. Not this time. It sounds pretty, but I won't be listening to this song again for fear the la la's might get stuck in my head. What's the deal with all the up-and-coming bands who sound like Restless Heart (the live version on the link doesn't, but the single cut does)?
C
Keep the Change - Darryl Worley
Despite the fact that I see both sides politically, I can't review this song objectively, even on a snap judgment. Basically, it's fairly catchy, I appreciate the combativeness of the hook, and this is waaaaaay smarter than his last foray into politics. I don't like it that much, but I can't bring myself to loathe it.
C+
Just Fine - Bomshel
Not bad. Just fine, in fact. Just go ahead and play 'em, country radio. They're obviously not going to stop sending you singles, and this one's better than, say, the last 3 Rascal Flatts songs, so make some room on your 20 song playlist.
C
Summer Thing - Troy Olsen
Which Apple exec does this guy have pictures of in a compromising position? His EP with this song on it has been featured on iTunes for weeks in one of those rotating marquis at the top of the country page... and I've never even heard of him. I'm flat out sick of summer songs, so even if this is the greatest, most original awe-inspiring ode to the warmer months (it isn't), I don't want to hear it again.
D+
That's Love Y'all - Bridgette Tatum
Her voice has too much soul for this to get played on Fearchannel. Pretty good song, gospel flavored, easy going and engaging. This is a summer song... and it doesn't even mention summer. Take note, songwriters.
B
Beautiful Girl - Lathan Moore
Hmm. A country song that doesn't beat you over the head with word play. A simple title/hook that's surrounded by a decent enough idea sung by a nearly memorable voice. It doesn't have a chance in hell.
B-
Satisfied - Jewel
I like Jewel. She has a cool voice, seems like a nice lady and is easy on the eyes. Some of her early releases feature some great songs. So far, I'm not enamored with her jaunt into country music. This song is meandering and forgettable.
C-

An aside: It's a real beatdown on the ears and mind to listen to these comps all at one time. This is probably what it feels like to be a stay home mom or dad who only speaks to small children all week - the adult thought processes and conversational abilities melt away.

B+
Not that Far Away - Jennette McCurdy
Jenn's second (third?) attempt at country airplay isn't bad. She has a pretty nice voice, better than another famous teen who will go nameless, but has the initials T.S. Sorry Sam, this song is boring. You could probably go somewhere with a better tune.
D
Boggy Creek - Boggy Creek
No. If the singer sounds like a poor man's Luke Bryan, the song is plain destitute. My snark tank is dry at this point.
FFFFF (sorry, key got stuck)
Don't Cuss the Fiddle - Keller & the Keels
Neat. A little bluegrass interlude. Like this a lot.
B+
Redneck Riviera - Jim Van Fleet
Back to the mindless. This is an example of a shallow song I kinda enjoy, however. It's catchier than All About Tonight and on about the same level intellectually. Nothing wrong with a fun party song and boy does the redneck riviera need some fun right about now.
C+
Doggonest Feelin' - Jeremy Parsons
Sounds like something you'd hear on Boot Liquor radio. Easy going old-timey country blues. I'm glad people are still making this kind of music, even if you'll never hear it played between Zac Brown Band and Eric Church - unless you're listening over my shoulder when I have my iTunes on shuffle (stop it, that's creeping me out!).
B
Nobody Knows - Coldwater Canyon Band
Inexplicable D-List artist submission of the month. There's some level of enjoyment to be had in the harmonies here, but little else. To be fair though, I'd much rather hear this than, say "Crazy Town," or similar crap from A-Listers.
C-


If you've made it this far, I salute you and pray for you. See you next month!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails