Sep 24, 2009
Sep 23, 2009
.99 Review: Carrie Underwood "Cowboy Casanova"
.99 Review
Carrie Underwood
"Cowboy Casanova"
The People's Take
Seizes to amaze!!!!! (5 Stars) – Carrie has done it again with her newest single! Can't wait for the new album!!!!!!<3
-Leah Cristine
She's a money-making machine. (5 Stars) – Good for Carrie. Once again, she churns out another hit. You go girl.
-legal-eagle-for-music (Please don't sue me!)
On Her Way To Being the G.O.A.T. (Greatest Of All Time) (5 Stars) – This Song Is Great And Carrie Is Proboly The Most Talented Artist In Music Today No One Can Top Her Vocally And As We All See Here No One Can Top Her Songs Either I Cant Wait To Plan On November 3rd (C U 11/3)
-Tconlon2
Cowboy Casanova? (2 Stars) – Boring and cheesy song.
-Tonyaeds
My Take
Oh who am I kidding? I'm just reviewing this so I could post that person's iTunes review that says "Seizes to amaze!!!!!" My review is pretty much pointless after that blast of awesomeness! I'll give it a go anyway.
My first impression: It's possibly the furthest thing from country ever played on country radio. This is a pop song - that is a matter of fact and there is no room for debate. I guess it's a somewhat catchy pop song, though the Shania-esque "oohhh whoa's" are hellafied annoying. The only thing country about this is the title. Oh sure, it'll be a #1 smash and is probably a great lead single for her forthcoming album, but it won't reverberate across time with its artistic excellence(or even above average-ness). It won't even reverberate across my ear drums again if I can help it.
Musically this recalls Kelly Clarkson, Shania and Joan Jett. Vocally it recalls her own "American Girl" with its overreaching screams. Lyrically, it recalls every song ever written about a guy who isn't all he appears. The words bring absolutely nothing new to the table - there's nary a clever turn of phrase to be heard. I'd go as far as to say they're some of the least interesting lyrics I have ever heard in a commercial country song - wow, there's even a big name songwriter attached to this.
Overall, the tune brings the term "country" as it relates to the mainstream portion of the genre, a great deal closer to irrelevancy. I'm going to listen to some BettySoo now.
Total value: .22/.99
The Checklist
Church/God
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
LoveHometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Truck
Whiskey
Beer
Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop SheenStar Power
Sep 22, 2009
Sep 21, 2009
Sep 20, 2009
John Rich's Songwriting Tips #16 & 17
#16 Try not to get hooked up with a writer or performer who has wildly different ideals than you. I mean, say for instance, you're a party hard, rockstar, jet flying, limo riding outspoken pimp who's on the Republican side (the right side)... you might not want to team up with a long haired, nice guy, peacenik, hippie dippie, lovin' everybody, helping the poor liberal kinda dude. Again, that's just a theoretical example, but when they say opposites attract... well maybe, but it can make for some damn frustrating songwriting and some spotty output. Not that I'd know about any of that.--------------------------
#17 It's only okay to experiment when you do so with an eye on whatever styles are cool in the mainstream at the time. When we did "Save a Horse," rap was popular. When we put out "Big Time," songs that didn't become hits were the in-thing. We released "Comin' to Your City" when godawful tunes that could be used as annoying sporting event anthems were all the rage. Keep your finger on the pulse of what's hot. I keep my fingers all up in it. On my next album, I'm all about the autotuner.
Sep 19, 2009
The Pirate Song
In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day:
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©Bret Bingham/Corey Parkman
Sep 18, 2009
Video Gems: Lucero
Farce the Music's favorite band, Lucero, is releasing a new album entitled 1372 Overton Park on October 6th and they've let fans film videos for all 12 songs on the record. The first one is called "Darken My Door" and it's equal parts hilarious, disturbing and sad. Enjoy!
Darken My Door from Lucero on Vimeo.
Sep 17, 2009
___ Deserves a Sackpunch
Nickelback Fan
Admit it. You don't really like music. You just like the way the high school girls look at you when you drive by band practice with "Something in Your Mouth" cranking out the windows of your ragged out Mazda that still has the loud pipes. The huge guitar riffs stand as tall as the popped collar of your creatine fueled muscle filled Affliction polo shirt as you nod and raise an index finger towards the cute blonde with an oboe in her mouth. The bass in your Kenwoods pounds as hard as your Red Bull-juiced heart as you glare at the skinny high school boys waiting for their girlfriends by the band hall. You could kick all their asses at once, couldn't you? And Mr. Kroeger's garbage post-grunge hard rock band would also play on the soundtrack to that melée, wouldn't it?
Some would say it's Nickelback who's at fault here, but I'm gonna disagree. They're just a few guys who got lucky and found the magic formula for making millions of dollars a year by reproducing the same song over and over and over and over, throwing in some naughty sex talk every now and then for spice. That formula has earned them groupies, fine cribs, fancy whips, country songwriting gigs, record companies and fame. Who would give up that meal ticket? I wouldn't. Good on 'em. I can't stand them, but good for them! You go Chad!
No, it's you, Nickelcrack fan, who needs to feel the insane pain on your lower membranes. You are the one who fills the band's coffers year after year, despite their general repetitive suckiness. You are the douchebag who hates music unless it makes you look cool to the underage girls you stalk on your lunch break from Kinkos. You need something to pump you up while you're stinking up the Bally's leg press machine in your Ed Hardy wife beater. You're the tool who gets so drunk at the concert you don't even remember anything about the show except "that dude I beat up in the bathroom after I puked." You suck worse than the band. "How you remind me" of people who end up in jail for nefarious sex crimes and arson.
You probably don't have a very large target due to the 'roids, but assume the position. It's time for a migraine inducing, sperm-count reducing sackpunch!
Sep 16, 2009
Taylor Swift Parody
Bloodstains on My Guitar
(Parody of Taylor Swift's "Teardrops on my Guitar")
He looks at me, I can tell that he's shocked to see
That I want to discuss our matter acoustically
"I'ma let you finish, that's a pretty good rhyme
But this is one of the greatest hits of all time"
Talked over me, I laugh cause it's almost funny
He's gotten quiet now that he's getting what's coming
This Gibson's light brown finish is about to turn red
As it makes a crash landing on Kanye's ginormous head
[Chorus:]
'Ye's the reason for the bloodstains on my guitar
Leave him laying in a heap ontage and seeing stars
He's a jerk, interrupts, I'll keep beating, till he is brown and blue
Ye's on his knees, can he tell that I'm happy?
I don't accept his apology
Can't tell me nothin' - I'm watchin' him bleed
Now here's another hit like Barry Bonds
Cognac is no excuse, Mr. West better find some gauze
[Repeat Chorus]
He had no home training, but that don't make it right
Put this on Twitter, Pink, Kanye's
Gettin' concussed tonight
Kanye's the reason for the bloodstains on my guitar
Left him laying in a heap ontage and seeing stars
He's a jerk, interrupts, I kept beating, till he was brown and blue
A jackass spittin' blood, but it's still not enough
Gonna step on his package with my boots
'Ye begs and pleads, but we agree to disagree
Sep 15, 2009
Relative Size Charts: 12 & 13
Okay, so I stood up for Ms. Swift. She's a nice, talented girl who didn't deserve being disrespected.... but that doesn't change anything at FTM. :)
Sep 14, 2009
Kanye Day
Here's a smorgasbord of features (including parody album covers (a couple you've already seen before), fun with charts and graphs, a YouTube Gem and bumper stickers) dedicated to that misunderstood genius, Kanye West! Click on any for a closer view.
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