Dec 14, 2021
Predicting 2022 in Mainstream Country Music
By Bobby Peacock
• Russell Dickerson revealed to actually be a deepfake
• Bobby continues to be the only person on the entire Internet not to like Lainey Wilson
• Luke Combs hits #1 with "Beer,” which is just him singing the word "beer" over and over again for four minutes
• Walker Hayes gets his second #1 with a cover of the "Chili's Baby Back Ribs" jingle
• Niko Moon runs crying to his mom when his next single fails to chart at all; claims radio PDs called him a poopyhead
• In an unprecedented move, Lauren Alaina records a duet with herself
• Kelsea Ballerini and HARDY propose to record a duet; plans canceled when they can't agree on which letters in the title should be capitalized, if any
• Jordan Davis buys dirt; realizes he can't find the one he can't live without; sells dirt
• Jason Aldean, Toby Keith, John Rich, Travis Tritt, and Aaron Lewis record a collab called "Red Voters with Blue Balls (Let's Go Brandon)"; song's lyric video gets deleted from YouTube for hate speech
• Brantley Gilbert actually does release the worst country song of all time -- oh wait, he already did that with "Bottoms Up"
• All four members of Parmalee discovered working at the same Arby's in Nashville
• Man previously caught sporting public erection due to Turnpike reunion hospitalized for priapism
• Cole Swindell gets his first celeb endorsement: his own personal line of Miracle Whip
• In an even more unprecedented move, Morgan Wallen releases a cover of Western Flyer's "Cherokee Highway"
• Bobby makes another stupidly long"best of the decade" list largely composed of songs that neither Trailer nor any Farce the Music reader has ever heard before
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