Jul 31, 2011

You Suck as a Music Fan Vol. 3

...if you sang "Independence Day" on Independence Day.

...if you constantly yell out the name of the band's biggest hit at the concert, like they won't get around to that.

...if you can tell the difference between all the "I'm country, by damn" anthems.

...if you think Bobby Bare is a porn star.

...if you created an entire Tumblr thread trying to call out @Farcethemusic

...if you hate country AND western.

...if you've ever gotten in an argument over whether Jason Aldean or Brantley Gilbert is the better country singer.

...you keep posting pictures and excited status updates from the Chenny Kesney show

...if "Chicks Dig It" is your theme song.

...if you only buy complete albums if "greatest hits" is in the title.

...if you're the only dude at the show with his girlfriend on his shoulders. And she's just up there to show her tits.

...if you're front row and don't know the band you're watching, while they're filming for a music video

...if you're okay with the band leaving the stage due to birds pooping on them.

...if you just love Kris Kristofferson's work. He was awesome in Blade!

...if you never show up for the opening band

...if you've skipped out on Gregg Allman for Buckcherry at a festival.

...if Colt Ford is your favorite rapper.

...if you think the band Husker Du has something to do with Nebraska football.
...if when asked if you like The Replacements, you start talking about the movie. Or, even worse, the cartoon.

...if you were so happy to see Charlie Rich win Celebrity Apprentice.

...if you love Willie Nelson only because you share a favorite relaxation pastime of his.

...if you claim to love the band, don't know a single song as all your gawkin at is the bass players package.

...if you wear an AC/DC t-shirt ironically.

...if everybody on your iTunes has a criminal record.

...if you think Doc Watson sent Marty McFly back in time.

Jul 28, 2011

Best of 2011 So Far: July

Been a while since I've updated my "best of the year so far" list and there have been several additions, including Jimbo Mathus, Centromatic, Justin Haigh and more. There are a few new ones I haven't had time to digest yet like Joe Ely and Gillian Welch so they may appear soon. Some of the entries on the chart have links where you can go check out the artists.

1. Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit - Here We Rest

2. Hayes Carll - KMAG YOYO

3. Austin Lucas - A New Home, In the Old World

4. Kasey Anderson and the Honkies - Heart of a Dog

5. Jimbo Mathus - Confederate Buddha

6. Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears - Scandalous

7. Ponderosa - Moonlight Revival

8. Centro-matic - Candidate Waltz

9. Justin Haigh - People Like Me

10. Robyn Ludwick - Out of These Blues

11. Left Lane Cruiser - Junkyard Speed Ball

12. Raphael Saadiq - Stone Rollin'

13. Adele - 21

14. Bad Meets Evil - Hell (The Sequel)

15. Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues

16. Foo Fighters - Wasting Light

17. Ha Ha Tonka - Death of a Decade

18. Sam Sliva and the Good - And the People Say

19. Nick 13 - s/t

20. The Deep Dark Woods - The Place I Left Behind

21. Amos Lee - Mission Bell

22. Black Spiders - Sons of the North

23. Cage the Elephant - Thank You Happy Birthday

24. Social Distortion - Hard Times and Nursery Rhymes

25. Fifth on the Floor - Dark and Bloody Ground

26. Michael Ethan Messick - The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday

27. Jason Fratesi and the Dirt Road Jam Band - Cryin' Out Loud

28. F*cked Up - David Comes to Life

29. Brad Paisley - This is Country Music

30. Blind Boys of Alabama - Take the High Road

31. Big K.R.I.T. - Return of 4Eva

32. Steve Earle - I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive

33. Frank Turner - England Keep My Bones

34. Cody Canada and the Departed - This is Indian Land

35. The Felice Brothers - Celebration, Florida

Justin Moore says...

Whoops, forgot one!

Country Demotivational Posters

Jul 27, 2011

Brantley Gilbert promo photo

Fun With Charts & Graphs: Sad But True

Click for a closer view.

Brand New Taylor Swift Single Cover

Satirical Lyrical: Get Drunk, Shoot Pool, Skinny Dip, Repeat

Get Drunk, Shoot Pool, Skinny Dip, Repeat
©2011 FTM Satires

Hey hey man it's five o'clock
I jump in my truck and pop a top
Arm out the window getting a tan
Tall boy Bud in my other hand
Dip in my mouth, jeans on my butt
Headin' to Snookers, I tell you what
To get me a pitcher and shoot eight ball
Then go get nekkid, I'm tellin' y'all

Get drunk, shoot pool, skinny dip, repeat
It's what I do the end of every week
Get drunk, shoot pool, skinny dip, repeat
And my cowboy boots never leave my feet

Hoo boy, that girl she's a ten
Musta been born in the jeans she's in
She's dancing to an old Skynyrd song
Smokin' a light and drinkin' Patron
Asked her to come an' shoot a game
Ain't gonna bother to ask her name
Cause I just wanna have a good time
All her clothes in a pile with mine

Get drunk, shoot pool, skinny dip, repeat
It's what I do the end of every week
Get drunk, shoot pool, skinny dip, repeat
And my cowboy boots never leave my feet

We drive out to ol' Redbone Creek
Drop our drawers and take a peek
I almost die, cowgirl's a man
Naw, a pecker wasn't in my plans...

Get drunk, shoot pool, skinny dip, repeat
If I see her tomorrow night, we won't speak
Get drunk, shoot pool, skinny dip, repeat
So that's why my buddies were laughin' at me
Get drunk, shoot pool, skinny dip, repeat
If I see her tomorrow night, we won't speak

Jul 21, 2011

FTM vs Phil Vassar

Not too long ago, Mr. Phil Vassar followed FTM on Twitter. I'm not a fan of his music, other than the song "Rose Bouquet," but I thought that was cool. Not 12 hours later, I'm guessing after finding out what the blog's really all about, I was promptly unfollowed. Here's a little retribution.


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