Sam Hunt, Billboard, Scotty McCreery Horror Posters

Taste of Country Readers Vote "Body Like a Back Road" Best Thing to Ever Happen Ever

In a recent poll, readers of the popular mainstream country website, Taste of Country, voted Sam Hunt's song "Body Like a Back Road" the best thing to ever happen, like ever. This in addition to the song's all-time record for weeks at #1 on the Billboard Hot Country Chart add to the hit song's growing list of very important accolades.

Eschewing momentous occasions generally regarded as eternally significant by large swaths of the population, TOC's readers instead picked Mr. Hunt's bouncy ode to a lover's body as the greatest single thing in the history of mankind. 

Also included in the poll was ratification of the 19th Amendment, giving women the right to vote. A momentous occasion yes, but not nearly as huge as this hunk's silly singalong about a curvy chick. Rather ironic in the context, but none-the-less.

Another loser in TOC's poll was the birth of Jesus Christ. A full 23% more Taste of Country readers believed that a song including the phrase "The way she fit in them blue jeans, she don't need no belt" was of greater import to their lives than God sending his Son to earth to save them from their sins. 

Finishing up second-to-last in the poll was America's independence. While this was certainly a great moment in history, Taste of Country's readers felt that Sam Hunt's vapid pop song masquerading as country was of far greater meaning to their lives than the establishment of the free country that most of them hail from.

Some critics will be swift to dismiss the results of this poll and deride its voters, but sometimes a song comes along and touches its listeners on their hips like honey and won't let go. Who are we to belittle Sam's latest victory and the fans who have bestowed this massive honor upon him?

At press time, Taste of Country had just posted a hard-hitting exposé entitled Country Hunks and What They Feed Their Dogs.

**fake news**

Hank Hill vs Sam Hunt

Sam Hunt Inspires

Monday Morning Memes: Sam Hunt, Sturgill Simpson, Luke Bryan

Idea by Kevin Broughton

Evolution Marches On

Prepare Yourself

Sam Hunt Fan eCards: May '17

Actual YouTube comments from Sam Hunt fans.

Subliminal Sam Hunt Ad

Sam Hunt Having the #1 Country Song Makes About As Much Sense as...

Sam Hunt Having the #1 Country Song 

Makes About As Much Sense as...

Sam Hunt: Crossing Over

Condescending Waylon vs. Sam Hunt

Condescending Waylon "congratulates" Sam Hunt on his Farce Madness win.

Your Farce Madness Champion is....

 
We have a winner! Or actually, we have a loser. You voted Sam Hunt's "Body Like a Back Road" the Worst Country Song of All Time in our Farce Madness tournament. It beat out Luke Bryan's "Country Girl (Shake It For Me)" 228-195 in our final poll.

While this result was certainly influenced by the newness of Sam's song, it's a worthy recipient. We'll present Sam with this nice congratulatory note (below) on Twitter.

The winner of our Farce Madness contest was Greg Dow, who correctly guessed the winner, an Infernal 4 entry, and a "Delete" 8 entry. Congratulations, Greg!

Kane Brown Singing Sam Hunt?!?

AKA The thing that should not be

Meme Classics: Willie, Sam Hunt, Sturgill

How Could It Get Any Worse?

If for some insane reason you want to hear that, here you go: 

http://www.thefader.com/2017/03/03/sam-hunt-body-like-a-back-road-remix-twerk

Body ON a Back Road

I recently made a meme which joked that Chris Knight's version of Sam Hunt's current single would be a bit more violent. Of course, I've taken that the next step. I wrote a 'parody' of sorts (not the humorous sort), that reenvisions Sam's pop sex song as a Chris Knight murder song.

Body on a Back Road
("Parody" of Sam Hunt's "Body Like a Back Road")

I found him on the south side

With blood in his hair

A cold, dead look in his eyes

Somebody just dropped him there

I know her house number

Down on Silver Creek

Black-eyed girl in a farm shack

Now her outlook ain't so bleak

Body on a back road

How it got there nobody knows

But you won't find anyone who'll miss that man

Somebody might do 30

But she ain't got no worries

Cause now he'll never raise a hand again

The way he'd come home drunk and mean
Beat her with a belt
She hoped and prayed for a way out
Not the hand life dealt
Cuffed in a backseat
for motives there might be
But I know her alibi will come up clean

Body on a back road

How it got there nobody knows

But you won't find anyone who'll miss that man

Somebody might do 30

But she ain't got no worries

Cause now he'll never raise a hand again

Followed him to his deer plot

Where he'd drink after work

Then I put that gun to his face

For all he'd done to hers

Now he's in hell or heaven

Yeah I made sure of that

Left that sumbitch lying there

Wiped the blood off of my badge

Body on a back road

How it got there somebody knows

But why it happened everybody understands

And I know I might do 30

But she don't have to worry

Cause now he'll never raise a hand again

Really, Radio Disney Country???

*foul language ahead*

This is not appropriate for kids, nor is it country. 

Get your shit together, Radio Disney.

So, what's next?

Sam Hunt vs. Chris Knight

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews Sam Hunt's New Single

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews
Sam Hunt's "Body Like a Back Road"

F

I placed my grade for this unholy song at the very beginning of my review so you will know to flee from even giving this immoral and degrading PRODUCT even 10 seconds of your God-given time.

Lies and perversion. Perversion and lies. The money changers in Nashville continue to sully the purity of country music with their greed. At this point, I have no doubt they'd make a star out of a satanic heavy metal rapping band with a handsome lead singer, if that's what the mindless masses of sheep wished to hear. Can I get an Amen?

If you think this is a country song, I have THREE WORDS FOR YA! Bless your heart. And I mean that in the "I feel sorry for you and I'll be praying for God to help you to overcome your mental challenges" way.

Words and ages old concepts seem to have no meaning anymore. Look, I could stand in front of my congregation and recite "There once was a man from Nantucket" poems and call it a sermon, but GLORY BE! That don't make it a sermon.

Proverbs 13:5 says "the righteous hate what is false, but the wicked make themselves a stench and bring shame on themselves."  Basically, Sam Hunt stinks. Who am I to question the authority of the Lord?

Now, onto the perversion portion of this review. Unless Mr. Samuel Hunt is married to the female object of his desire in this song, he is a pervert and a sinner and a possible sexual predator. As I am to understand it from the interwebs, he is not married, thus lending credence to my previous sentence.

Revelation 22:15 compares liars and the sexually immoral to dogs, to idolaters, to the occult. I'm not going to take that step to say Sam Hunt is a devil worshipper, but I will say that SATAN HIMSELF smiles and nods his crispy head every time a "country music listener" is converted into a Sam Hunt fan, or even a Sam Hunt apologist.

I shall say no more of this travesty. If you wish to associate your ears and your soul with the proudness of God's own enemy, you do so at the peril of your very soul.

Bless your heart.