Showing posts with label Beer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beer. Show all posts

Jan 27, 2023

Innovative Country Singer to Release Song About Alcoholic Beverages

An up and coming pop-country artist is about to change the country music game forever with a visionary new thematic element. 

Cade Lance has everything else you need to be a country star in 2023. He’s got the looks. He’s 6’3”. He’s a former community college tight end from the south. He sings okay, and his music is suitably inoffensive and sonically similar to what is currently the accepted sound for mainstream country radio. He's got two first names. But he’s not satisfied with being granted a default C-list status for those worthy attributes; he wants to stand out from the pack.

“We’re about to break this thing wide open,” smiled the boyishly handsome Lance. “I mean, everybody enjoys a nice cold beer every now and then, but you never hear anybody sing about it. This felt like discovering a new continent or something.” Lance says the song dropped into his lap during a song-writing session with an old buddy. 

“Yeah Greg Ashley and I were bouncing some ideas off each other before the other 7 writers got to the session, and Greg was sipping on a Miller Lite, when a light bulb went off,” laughed Lance. “I said ‘Greg, what do we do almost every single day and especially on the weekends that nobody ever sings about?'” Lance says Greg suddenly stared at the white can in his hand and gasped.

“We immediately hopped in his truck and left; told the other writers we couldn’t make it,” said the singer. “We couldn’t have anybody else in on this absolutely groundbreaking concept; this was our discovery of the wheel if you will.”

The pair drove into the country and found an open field to park in and partake in more of said alcoholic beverages. The song seemed to fall out of the sky when they picked up their guitars. While Lance wouldn’t tell us the title, he intimated that it was likely a genius pun using the word beer in place of something that rhymes with beer. 

“This is gonna be f***ing huge!” said a clearly ecstatic Lance. “It may save country music.”

At press time, Cade Lance was rushing the song to radio as he heard rumors that droves of Nashville songwriters had caught wind of his disruptive new idea.

Feb 20, 2020

Better Names for Luke Bryan's New Beer

Luke Bryan has a beer coming out, because all pop-country artists must put their name on an alcoholic beverage now or else. It’s called Two Lane American Golden Lager, but we came up with some more fitting names. Thanks to Twitter pals for the help!

Nut Hugger Pecan Ale

They Stay the Same Age IPA

Money Maker Shaker @jm_ferguson

Baby Girl Darlin’ Honey Lager

Hip Thrust Tripel

Heinishaken @jchwv11

Midlife Weisses

Goober Gose

Lukahol (he calls it beer, but really it’s just soda pop) @hooper

Extra White Witbier

Skinny Jean Lean @piker73

Bockin’ Boots

Backroad Honey @nlittletaylor

I Don’t Want This Lite to End

Nocohol @straitshooter13

St. Pauli Girl Shake It For Me Ultra-Light Lager @finnhuckster

Piss Tomorrow Goodbye American Lager

Menistat IPA @lhcountryboy

Cheesy Swill @kevink61

Gomer Pale


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