Senseless Censorship X

Senseless Censorship VII

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio June 2011

Snap Judgments: Promo Only Country Radio June 2011

Extremely mixed bag this time out. Lots of good, lots of garbage, interspersed with the usual middle of the road. (Click song titles to listen)

Blake Shelton - Honey Bee

My first thought is "phoning it in." This is a catchy song, but it's such an easy release… no risk involved whatsoever. Sure Blake sounds good and the song is catchy, but there's not much "there" there. It's cheerful, radio-friendly and requires little attention. On top of that, it's mostly just a list of things that go together as a comparison to a relationship. Not bad, but at this point, I expect a lot more from Blake - at least as the first single from a new album anyway.

C

Trace Adkins - Just Fishin'

Following his usual pattern of "crap song-good song-crap song-good song," Trace delivers another strong release. It's well-intentioned and follows through on that message with a solid delivery. Trace just kills these "family is everything" songs. Good stuff.

A-

Luke Bryan - Country Girl (Shake it for Me)

Not good at all. Luke was poised to jump to the A-list… and probably still is, commercially, but this is just a bad, bad song. I like Luke and think he's got a ton of potential in the neo-traditional realm, but this is a flat-out laughable track. On the bright side, it's ripe for plenty of comedy material.

F

Stealing Angels - Paper Heart

Nice melody, fairly memorable song. Vocals are a little thin, but this isn't too bad overall.

C+

Brantley Gilbert - Country Must Be Country Wide

Disclaimer: I'm not a fan of this guy (or any of his compadres, but we'll get into that later). I think he's just Jason Aldean redux, and this song does nothing to refute that opinion. Lots of name-dropping, lots of rock riffs, lots of attitude. Nothing more. Some of his slower songs I've heard prove him to be more than a one-trick pony, but this isn't very good.

C-

Dierks Bentley - Am I the Only One

Another big talent kinda phoning it in, but at least this one's more fun. Just another light-hearted summer country partyin' song, but Dierks sounds into it enough to make me take notice. It's also populated with interesting details and characters, so it stands out to some degree.

B

Jason Aldean - Dirt Road Anthem

I told you he'd release this. I never had a doubt. 90% of my brain hates this so bad. It's a rap song, for those of you not in the know. He sings the chorus, but it's a rap song. And he drinks and drives in it. Not a very responsible message. Confession: 10% of my brain thinks this is very catchy and nearly a guilty pleasure. The 90% wins, however.

C-

Jaron and the Long Road to Love - It's a Good Thing

Jaron has been trying in vain to repeat the success of his '10 hit, uh, whatever it was called - that spiteful one about flower pots falling on his ex's head. This is like his 4th single since then, to no avail. It's not country, piano pop really. Jaron sounds good though. Way catchier than anything Jimmy Wayne's put out lately. Still, not a hit. Just not substantial enough for repeated play.

C

Reba - When Love Gets a Hold of You

Shouldn't that be "When Love Gets Aholta You" for the country market? This isn't bad, but feels a little thin. The melody just doesn't have enough highs and lows to keep my interest. Reba sounds great, as always, but this tune isn't up to her level. It sounds like a hit though.

C+

Jake Owen - Barefoot Blue Jean Night

Way better than I expected. It's a simple pop-rock summer anthem, but it's a helluva earworm. I should probably hate this but I don't… it just has a certain "it" factor I can't explain. Big hit.

B

Billy Currington - Love Done Gone

As happy of a sad song as you're gonna hear, "Love Done Gone" would be craptacular at the hands of a lesser vocalist, but Billy is not a lesser vocalist. The opening "babadabadaba's" nearly turned me off in the first place, but I stood strong and Billy hit a homerun with this release. I have a soft spot for bittersweet tunes like this. It's poppy, catchy and well-performed. A winning single.

B+

Margaret Durante - Maybe Tonight

Meh. Not catchy, not that well sung. Nothing to see here.

D

Rodney Atkins - Take a Back Road

Looks like my predictions that Rodney's 15 minutes were up were incorrect. He milked that last album with the sh*tty "Farmer's Daughter" tack-on-hit into some staying power, and follows that up with a surprisingly good new single. It follows his usual schtick, but without any of the shockingly embarrassing lyrics he usually drops in. There's a name-drop, but it's on-point with the song's theme, so no negative points for it. Unsurprisingly, a tractor is mentioned. I think he has a one-tractor-mention-per-song quota in his contract. Anyway, not a bad song at all.

B-

Jason Michael Carroll - Numbers

Cracker Barrel's newest employee delivers his first single for that label here, to not-so-great results. JMC's got a killer baritone, but he sounds way too stilted and karaoke-ish here. Also, the "numbers" theme gets tired out within the first two lines and it doesn't quit. This sounds like a too-clever lyric written by a lyric-critique message board regular (i.e. something I'd have written 5-6 years ago), and just isn't up to snuff with the market. Overkill in the thematic department too. Rewrite.

D

Randy Houser - In God's Time

Devastatingly good. Repeating myself: in the hands of a lesser vocalist, this might be overwrought and come off as way too schlocky… but Randy is not a lesser vocalist. In fact, he has, bar-none, the best voice in modern country music and he just kills in this song. If you don't listen to this with the ear of a jaded, better-taste-than-thou music snob, it's a near masterpiece. Here's hoping this guy finally gets his due.

A+

Sunny Sweeney - Staying's Worse than Leaving

Love this chick and this is my favorite track off her recent EP. It's kinda throwback in its theme - sounds very 90's in that aspect - but it's modern sounding. She's in great voice and this is a very solid tune. I'm so tired of happyhappyjoyjoy radio - we need more songs like this on Clearchannel.

A-

John Rich - For the Kids (warning: this vid's a tearjerker)

You know me - I want this guy to be FTM fodder for years to come - but he seems to possibly be maturing in more ways than one. His Celebrity Apprentice appearance actually had me rooting for him - on the show and in his life, that he'll overcome the reputation he's lived down to for years. Honestly, this is not a song I'll listen to multiple times, but for what it is (an anthem for the St. Jude's Childrens Hospital), it's excellent. John sounds better than he usually does on slower songs, and this isn't bad overall. I'll average out my personal feelings and my critical perspective and give this a:

B

Danielle Car - Pretty Please

Thin, poorly produced. Catchy though. Pretty good mix of country and rock with a little attitude mixed in. The lyrics are middling, but in parts, memorable. That all adds up to a:

C

.99 Reviews - Jake Owen: Barefoot Blue Jean Night

Jake Owen - Barefoot Blue Jean Night (Click to listen)

The People's Take

I don't know what the people's take is... my iTunes isn't working properly, but I can imagine 90% of the comments are as such "This is so great for summer riding with my boyfriend in his truck and going to softball games!!!" and the other 10% are either "First!" or "I hate country so this sucks."

My Take

I already know what's coming. It's late April so like taxes are due and Obama's ratings are down, it's time for Summer songs. I'm right. I can also guarantee "till morning light" or "till the break of dawn" will be sang in this song…. yep, there it is. Jake is doing it right and coming alive with the new girl in town out in the middle of ruralia.

How old is he? 30 or something? Is he really still hanging around at parties in the countryside? Jake, you do know it's legal for you to drink wherever you want to that's not a car? Grown folks have parties at their house… in the back yard. There are too many snakes at the riverside. Authenticity is not a requirement of radio country, so I should look past all these little things, but I just can't.

There is one nice line in this song: "we were shining like lighters in the dark in the middle of a rock show" and honestly, I like the beat. The "whooaaoh ohhs" are making me angry though. Ah hell, I'm feeling generous. This isn't horrible such as it is. There are banjos. Jake sounds interested, but the imagery is as far from unique as Jake's teeth aren't from whitener. "Never gonna grow up/never gonna slow down." You might wanna rethink that pardner… the mid-thirties will drain you of energy, I can promise you that. The hangovers aren't so bad anymore, but you'll have a lot more self-awareness of how stupid it is that you're three Jagerbombs into a Friday night and your jeans are biting into your side. Maybe that's just me.

Basically, this is middle of the road pop-country with a few nods to actual country, but it's catchy. A word of warning to those predisposed to living out songs: being barefoot on the riverbank at night is a good way to end up with poison ivy rashes, ticks and West Nile Virus. Have fun.

Total Value: .55/.99

The Checklist:

Church/God

Mama

Boots

Name Dropping

Dying Person

Jeans

County Fair

Lost Love

Dog

Love

Hometown/Country Pride

Kindly Advice

Truck

Whiskey

Beer

Life Affirmation

USA

Soldiers

Pop Sheen

Star Power

Spotting the Fakes

Since the dawn of Twitter...all those many months ago, there have been fake celebrity accounts. Most of the b.s. accounts were and still are bored people actually pretending to be such personalities as Taylor Swift or Perez Hilton or whoever, starting all sorts of rumors and generally confusing their fangirls and boys. Bored and boring. "Verified" accounts have mostly put an end to these dopes, thankfully.

Lately there has been a much more interesting trend of imposters just doing it to entertain their followers with dirty jokes, idiotic opinions and other general absurdity. These fakers make no pretense about their falsehood. In fact, most of them say so right in the user name.

Since this sort of jackassery is definitely right up FTM's alley, today we take a look at some of the doppelganger country singer accounts and let those of you who are Twitter users know who is and isn't worth your follow.

And as far as you know, none of these is run by me...

@notjakeowen

We start with probably the most buzzed about falsie. Fake Jake is subversive, egotistical and gleefully sexist. He also seems to be a Nashville insider. Possibly he's just done his research, but he knows an awful lot about uh, himself, and his Tweet subjects (he often pokes fun at other artists and songwriters) - enough to hit the really hot buttons. Jake Fauxens even interacts with some of the other artists on Twitter, tossing insults directly at them. Not for the easily offended (actually Twitter may not be for the easily offended in the first place), but worth a follow.

@notkennyrogers

Fake Jake's brother in barbs, Kenny Fauxgers is a caricature of the bearded balladeer, proclaiming his love for groupies and dissing contemporaries like Neil Diamond at every opportunity. Like Jake's, Kenny's head is also about 3 sizes too big, to hilarious effect. I'm not sure who's behind these two accounts, which seem joined at the hip since they only follow each other and have a similar style of humor. I'm perplexed that they only follow one other person each and still manage to have hundreds of followers, but I'm no Twitter expert ...obviously. Anyway, fake Kenny is extremely funny.

@notkennychesney

New to the faker game, not-Mr. Chesney has a bit of a split personality. At times he's all about the ladies; others, he's hinting at possible homosexuality. He stays current with what's happening in pop culture and is generally pretty effective with his humor. Worth a look, if not a follow.

@notchuckwicks

This one seems to have sprung up just after the previous entry, hinting that maybe the two are from the same author... or maybe just that there are a lot of fratboy-humor loving reactionaries with too much time on their hands. Fake Chuck is more consistently laughable than Chesney, while treading similar subject territory. Chuck is portrayed as a complete metrosexual who knows little about country music but a lot about fashion and style ...and other male country singers. It will be fun to see how this one develops.

@notsugarland

Another trend-follower that started up just this week. So far, not really all that funny and frequently vulgar, but there are hints that this account could be entertaining in the long run.

@hanksghost

The "former Hank Williams" doesn't say a whole lot and doesn't seem to be in it for laughs, except for the dark humor of his frequent "rolling over in my grave" Tweets. From time to time, ol' Hank recommends a country artist of today whom he grants his stamp of approval to. Interesting.

@john_rich

This guy says even less than Hank, but it's always funny. JR shows himself to be a drunk, self-important, horny hothead, much like... well, much like the real JR. Hopefully he'll start Tweeting more often.

Relative Size Chart #18

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Suggested new logos for country artists

FTM is always there for country stars. Here are some suggested new logos for come country singers and bands that we feel better represent them than their current artwork. Free of charge...you're welcome guys/girls! Click for a closer view.