Showing posts with label Jason Isbell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jason Isbell. Show all posts
Nov 27, 2021
Oct 27, 2021
Oct 22, 2021
Sports Writer Fired for Not Liking Jason Isbell, Sturgill Simpson
“They said I didn’t tweet about Sturgill Simpson enough,” laughed Culpepper in a recent phone interview. “I mean, he’s fine but I’m more into jam bands and indie hip-hop.”
Culpepper, or Cully as he’s affectionately known, went on to say that his indifference to Jason Isbell, professional wrestling, and the show Ted Lasso had also been brought up as reasons for his dismissal at the exit interview. “I thought I was supposed to be a sports personality, not a paradigm of culture,” said Culpepper. “But they said my values and preferences did not align with what is commonly expected of a social media sports bro.”
“I thought the whole ’30 to 50 feral hogs’ thing was hilarious, but that’s as much as I’ve ever gotten into Isbell,” he went on. “And what’s the likelihood of every young to middle-aged sports writer, black or white, male, female, or otherwise, being into Dusty Rhodes and the New Day? It’s like they all graduated from Florida or something.”
Despite winning several awards for his writing, drawing respectable numbers to his college basketball podcast, and being a great brand ambassador, it was made clear that Culpepper’s personal interests were a detriment to his employment at 4th&25.
“I was given every opportunity to adapt to their expectations along the way, so this is fair I guess,” said Cully. “But I just couldn’t bring myself to care about Marriott points, arguing over who makes the best barbecue, Lane Kiffin memes, complaining about flight delays, Bruce Springsteen, Bioshock, soccer, or Dogecoin.”
At press time, Culpepper had returned to school to learn to code.
Oct 15, 2021
Aldean Welcomes Thousands of New Fans Who Think He Sucks
“I’ve never even considered listening to Jason Allen [sic] before I heard he had expressed beliefs publicly that aligned with my own,” said Tara McAllen of Gore Springs, MS. “Now I’m thinking about giving him a shot.” She went on to say that despite being a fan of traditional country and Americana, she was open to seeing the error of her ways.
Many people across social media shared similar thoughts throughout the week. When country satire site Farce the Music shared a non-political but negative meme about Aldean, dozens of previous non-Aldean-fans expressed their disdain. “I always new you was a damn liberal…unfollowed!” replied Instagram user effyoubrandon, despite the meme having not even a whiff of partisanship. “Effyoubrandon” also added a photo of himself proudly wearing some of Aldean’s “Anti Biden Social Club” gear.
The trend of music fans putting ideology over art isn’t a recent one (think Dixie Chicks), but has grown as Americans split into camps over issues such as vaccines, gender, and Machine Gun Kelly. It seems many would rather listen to an artist devoid of any depth, talent, or uniqueness simply to “own the libs/repubs.”
When reminded that he’d frequently told outspoken artists Jason Isbell and BJ Barham to “shut up and sing” in the past, Brad Harbor of Panama City, FL retorted “Yeah, but they hate America. Jason Aldean may be a philandering, bloated, mediocre, angry meathead, but at least he knows the damned election was stolen! I can’t wait to go to one of his shows and get drunk enough to tolerate him!”
At press time, Luke Bryan was attempting to formulate a mildly controversial opinion.
Sep 20, 2021
Aug 31, 2021
Aug 26, 2021
Country Facebook Awareness Profile Frames
Many people use social messaging frames around their profile pics on Facebook to promote political, medical, charitable, social justice and other causes. What if these country singers had frames around their profile pics? What would they say?
Aug 25, 2021
John Rich's Songwriting Tip #85
If you wanna write a country hit in the year of our Lord 2021, the lyrics do not matter at all. Write a boring, only slightly catchy pop song that has a “vibe.” Yes, vibe. That’s what the youth’s are into today, so that’s what we’ll give them. It’s kind of like a ‘groove’ but less interesting. They just want background music to not pay attention to while they’re drinking White Claws and vaping Delta-8 and climbing up milk crates or whatever the hell they do these days.
After you’ve got the skeleton of a song, buy a beat online to drop behind it. You heard the cowboy Stevie Wonder correctly, a beat. Don’t hire a drummer, just let somebody beep and boop the buttons and voila: make dat money. But don’t spend that money on Patagonia, Jason Isbell, Coke, Pepsi, Budweiser (fix my headshot, Trailer!), Walmart, Target, Kroger, Netflix, Starbucks, Oreos, Keurig, the NFL, the NBA, the MLB, Gillette, Nordstrom, Nike, Macy’s, Dick’s, Doritos, Yeti, Univision, UPS, Merck, Cisco, Citigroup, Delta Airlines, Viacom, JPMorgan, and probably a few more.
Okay, back to the topic at hand. The lyrics come last and they’re easy as pie. Just write a bunch of country words (you know the ones) on slips of paper and pull 5 of them out of a hat. Use ‘em all in a story that goes as follows, with no changes whatsoever: guys walks into a bar, sees girl, picks her up and takes her riding in his truck. No shit, that’s it. DO NOT VARY FROM THIS PATTERN OR YOU WILL BE RELEGATED TO AMERICANA.
But JR, you say, JR if it’s so easy why haven’t you done it? And to that I say I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH AN EMPTY BOTTLE OF JOHN RICH’S REDNECK RIVIERA AMERICAN BLENDED WHISKEY! You don’t know me and know what I’m doing for America out here! You damn liberals.
And before I give myself an aneurism, I’ll see myself out. Enjoy the free money I just gave you with this unparalleled advice bitches.
*not actually written by John Rich
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