The Bro-mericana Song (Lyrical Satirical)

The Bro-mericana Song

©2014 FTM Satire

Drove my El Camino

Down past the silo

Pulled into the party spot

Cracked a Blue Ribbon

Lit up a Spirit

Asked if anyone had some pot

This is my bro-mericana song

Break out the banjos, break out the bongs

Groom your beard and sing along

This is the bro-mericana song

We talk politics

Crank up some Deer Tick

And take ourselves real serious

The girls are all tattooed

And I defy any dude

To mention one's gluteus

This is my bro-mericana song

Break out the guitars, get our folk on

Groom your beard and sing along

This is the bro-mericana song

Bridge

No flat brims, no jacked trucks

Just pearl snaps and Levi Strauss

Careful where you park your Prius

Nobody here can pull you out

This is my bro-mericana song

Break out the dobro, break out the bongs

Groom your beard and sing along

This is the bro-mericana song

Drop it Like a Tailgate (Girl)

(Drop it Like a) Tailgate

©2014 FTM Satire

Rick Ross on the Fosgates

Raptor rollin' can't be late

Country girl for a hot date

Cut-offs make my heart race

Drive out where the crops grow

Pickups by the dirt rows

Bass kickin' errbody know

She's here to rock the show

(Girl)

Drop it like a tailgate

Shake it like an earthquake

Wiggle like some live bait

Girl

Switch it up crank some Luke Bryan

Honey-thang move that behind

Fireballin' no I don't mind

Gettin' crunk like a combine

Bro mad-doggin' wanna fight

Chill dude, it's a'ight

Get faded on some Bud Light

Let's all have a good night

(And watch her)

Drop it like a tailgate

Stop it like a disk brake

Make a gay dude go straight

Girl

Bridge

Every Friday I do the same

Wife beater and a wallet chain

Fly hotties and spittin' game

I already forgot her name

(but she can)

Drop it like a tailgate

Float it like a snowflake

Curvy as a rat snake

Girl

Yeah,

Drop it like a tailgate

Throw it like a bouquet

Hotter than a burnt steak

Girl

Thanks to @Cati_Jolyn for the cash money hook!

Lyrical Satirical: Darn Good Time (A Kinder Gentler Bro-country Anthem)

What if bro-country songs were respectful of women, 

responsible with drinking habits and less concerned with outlaw posturing?

Darn Good Time

©2014 FTM Satires

Headed to the party

Driving the speed limit

Hands free callin'

I'll be there in a minute

I'm ready for a drink

My throat's got a tickle

But I wait till I'm safely

Out of the vehicle

Chorus

We're all here to have a darn good time

Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine

Just see the young women, I respect their minds

Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Pass around the good stuff

But only have a couple

Don't want anyone

Getting in any trouble

One fellow's getting angry

He's red-faced and cussin'

Let's try to cool him down

With a friendly discussion

'Cause

We're just here to have a darn good time

Let's responsibly enjoy some legal shine

Just see the young women, I respect their minds

Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Bridge

Crank up some Huey Lewis

That's how we like to rock

But if there's any drugs or sex

I'm gonna call the cops

We're all here to have a darn good time

If you're a bit too young, you can have Cheerwine

Just see the young women, I respect their minds

Shout "Heck Yeah!" let's have a darn good time

Lyrical Satirical: There's a Truck in the Middle of the Field

Sung to the tune of "There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea."

There's a Truck in the Middle of the Field

There's a truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck

There's a truck

There's a truck in the middle of the field

There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a girl

There's a girl

There's a girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a bro

There's a bro

There's a bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a beer

There's a beer

There's a beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fire

There's a fire

There's a fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a fight

There's a fight

There's a fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's some shine

There's some shine

There's some shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a song

There's a song

There's a song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck cranking the song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck cranking the song about the shine that fueled the fight beside the fire gleaming off the beer in the hand of the bro to the left of the girl in the truck in the middle of the field

There's a truck

There's a truck

…there's a truck in the middle of the field

Lyrical Satirical: White Trash Wishlist

White Trash Wishlist

©2013 FTM Lyrics

A shortened parole

Mint Grizzly, ten rolls

And a new pair of rebel flag boots

A Skeeter for fishin'

A Brazzers subscription

And the rest of my barbed wire tattoo

This here's my white trash wish list

If Santa can't find it all

I'm cool with some lottery tickets

And a carton of black menthols

A triplewide home

A truck painted chrome

A deer stand three stories high

A whiskey buzz n'

A frisky cousin

And jeans with a velcro fly

This here's my white trash wish list

If Santa can't find all them

I'm cool with some fake viagra

And a box of cajun Slim Jims

Bridge

I don't mean to sound greedy

Santa, I'm just a good ol' boy

Really ain't nothin' I'm needing

Just a few things I really enjoy

(Like)

A new pair of jorts

A trip to Pigeon Forge

A Boone and Crockett on my wall

A sexy back rub

In a fancy hot tub

Slap full of grain alcohol

Yeah, this here's my white trash wish list

If Santa can't find it all

I'm cool with some lottery tickets

And a carton of black menthols

Merry Christmas y'all!

Lyrical Satirical: I'm So From the Country

A bro-country song as written by someone whose first language is not English.

Why? Because... that's why. And is it any worse than this?

I'm So From the Country

©2013 FTM Satire

She is from the country and she talks as such

She enjoys when I arrive in my large pick-up truck

She is wearing shorts that nearly show her buns

Let us find a deserted lane to have sexual fun

Chorus

Me, I'm so from the country

Me, I love beer that tastes skunky

I'm so country, more than you've seen

Listen to me tell you southern things

Here's a rural field with a group of local friends

Here's the part where I mention her butt again

Here's a large fire burning and strong drink passed around

Let us twerk our bottoms to some Hank and really get down

Me, I'm so from the country

Me, I enjoy my hip-hop funky

I'm so country my drawl has bling

Listen to me tell you southern things

Bridge

We enjoy to party!

We get drunk and take a ride!

Let us get into water naked

And I put my peener inside!

Me, I'm so from the country

Me, I will give your face a punching

I'm so country I enjoy bee stings

Listen to me tell you southern things

I am a Pop-Country Song

I am a Pop-Country Song

©2013 FTM Satires

I have three dads and one mother

Who over some cold beer discovered

They all loved money very much

Hearts raced and their cheeks flushed

As they copulated with each other

(and here I am)

I am a pop-country song

When life's got you down

You can just turn me on

Cause, I know no sadness

And there's nothing wrong

With upbeat, uptempo

And a beat that's strong

2 inches deep and 3 minutes long

I am a pop-country song

I'm trucks and I'm sunny beaches

Underage sex and wise old preachers

Barely there twang and pumped up drums

A tasty pill to keep you numb

Sung by tough guys and Georgia peaches

(Crank it up)

I am a pop-country song

When life gets too real

You can just turn me on

Cause, I'm just a party

For your pasture or lawn

I'm upbeat, uptempo

With a beat that's strong

2 inches deep and 3 minutes long

I am a pop-country song

Bridge

In 6 months I'll be forgotten

But what'd you expect? I'm not art

Maybe I'll have resurrection

With a remix for the pop charts

I am a pop-country song

When life's got you down

You can just turn me on

Cause, I know no sadness

And there's nothing wrong

With upbeat, uptempo

And a beat that's strong

2 inches deep and 3 minutes long

I am a pop-country song

Lyrical Satirical: Maybe That's What Ol' Hank Had in Mind

I wrote this tongue-in-cheek lyric more than a decade ago with Tim McGraw being the unspoken target. Sadly, it rings truer than ever now.

Maybe That's What Ol' Hank Had in Mind

(©2001) FTM Satires

[v.1]

They slap a hat on any guy

with a drawl and handsome grin

Produce a half pop album

to sell in the country bin

Book him for the Leno show

then a grueling two month tour

Promoting his big single

It'll go Top 30 for sure

[Lift]

Some folks say it's a crying shame

what's been done to Music Row

They should keep their opinions

Cause some things we'll never know

[Chorus]

Maybe that's what ol' Hank wanted

But he never got the chance

to leave the Opry stage behind

To shake his hips and dance

So Nashville looks like Hollywood

and country songs don't whine

It's alright 'cause

maybe that's what ol' Hank had in mind

[v.2]

Can't you see the old troubador

with a jet plane and limousine

Laser shows at his concerts

and talks shows the days between

Cutting songs about making love

Then primping for photo shoots

Who's to say that ain't country

'cause we don't really know the truth

Maybe that's what ol' Hank wanted

but he never got the chance

to leave the honky tonks behind

to shake his hips and dance

So Nashville looks like Hollywood

and country songs don't whine

it's alright 'cause

maybe that's what ol' Hank had in mind

[Tag]

Some folks say it's a crying shame

what's been done to Music Row

but I'll keep my opinion

cause some things I'll never know

Lyrical Satirical: This Song is for Summer

This Song Is For Summer

©2013 FTM Satire

Aw hell yeah it's summer again

Time to drop a tailgate with your redneck friends

Text up some honeys in cut off jeans

Sugar shaker, donkadonk, know what I mean?

Crank some Lil Wayne in a country mood

Pass around some moonshine we bought at Whole Foods

Let's get rowdy like Hank would do

Hey, check out my new Duck Dynasty tattoo

Chorus

This song is for summer, y'all

Those three months after spring and just before fall

Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber

Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Yeehaw boys, yeah I got some swag

Got a Mud Life sticker and truck nutz that drag

Old farts hatin' cause I drop some rhymes

But that's how we do country in the summertime

Shotgun, old truck, some other cliche

Gather round the fire and I'll sing you some Kanye

Feet on the dash, let the night commence

Who cares if this tune doesn't make any sense?

This song is for summer, y'all

Those three months after spring and just before fall

Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber

Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Bridge (spoken)

And now a word from our sponsor:

It's hot out there while you're partying with your homeyz

Try something a little different!

Bud Light Lime.

It's Bud Light, with a twist!

Back to this song for summer, son

Put it out in March so it's a June number one

Have to spell it out cause my fans are dumber

Crank it on up in the summer summer summer

Lyrical Satirical: Badass

Badass

©2013 FTM Satire

Got a chrome bull bar on my F-150

Big shinin' wheels and damn right it's lifted

Got a country hottie, she's drunk and ready

Might get in them cut-offs if she'll let me

Tailgate down in a rutted up pasture

Beer is fine but that jar's a lot faster

If a sip don't burn, it ain't moonshine

If the truck ain't tall, well it ain't mine

If you won't fight, you ain't a man

If you ain't country, ain't worth a damn

If you ain't first, you're closer to last

If you ain't me, you ain't

Badass

Got a part-time job at the uptown Target

If a price changes, damn right I'll mark it

Got a full ride down at the junior college

Still livin' home while I get my knowledge

Got my gated subdivision on a sticker

But that don't mean I ain't an ass-kicker

If a sip don't burn, it ain't moonshine

If the truck ain't tall, well it ain't mine

If you won't fight, you ain't a man

If you ain't country, ain't worth a damn

If you ain't first, you're closer to last

If you ain't me, you ain't

Badass

Bridge

Crankin' A$AP Rocky, textin' on my cell

Wearin' Ed Hardy lookin' bad as hell

Bangin' drunk skanks, not southern belles

Buyin' moonshine off a Kroger shelf

If a sip don't burn, it ain't moonshine

If the truck ain't tall, well it ain't mine

If you won't fight, you ain't a man

If you ain't country, ain't worth a damn

I've never even listened to Johnny Cash

But If you ain't me, you ain't

Badass