Aug 30, 2011

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Brantley Gilbert

Brantley Gilbert - Hell on an Angel

I was appalled by the title of this song from the start. Why do so many country singers feel the need to promote that dark realm in their songs? Also, I'm no scholar but the frequent usage of "hell" in country songs as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, interjection, dangling participle and whatever else can't be correct. Can I get a Amen!?

I have another question. Why is this song labeled as "country?" It is clearly a southern rock song like that infernal Lynyrd Skynryd and dirty rednecks like that. Brantley Gilbert looks way more like a biker man than a good old Christian country boy. You don't see me going around calling myself Larry Lee the United Methodist, do you? That would be ridiculous ...because I'm not a drunk.

Anyway, the song… It actually had potential and I thought it was a song of spiritual redemption until he called God "baby." I was all like WTF (Why the falsehood)? And then I was like "oh no he didn't." I'm sorry for all the slang, I've been filling in some at the South Holcomb Missionary Baptist Church while the Right Reverend Percival G. Sparks recovers from shingles and I picked up a little of that yang, homeys.

This song worships the false idols of love and females. This man was a sinner and claims to have been redeemed by the fairer se… uh, a woman. Not only is this false teaching, it goes against human nature as well. Women have more evil in one brain cell than a man has in his entire body (not counting the no-no place below his abdomen). Also, Eve was the first sinner. That's good enough for me to know that no salvation ever came at the hands of a female and that a man should always lead the way. Don't tell my wife I said that though.

I believe this Brantley Gilbert only changed his ways for the promise of sexual favors, not true love. There is only one true love and that is with da big poppa in da sky. Believe dat, gee!

You might have guessed that this song has earned the following grade:


Aug 29, 2011

Fantasy Football Teams of the Country Stars III

Fantasy football seems to get more and more popular every year and most FF leagues are drafting over the next few days (if they haven't already). It's become such a favorite pastime that even some country stars have gotten into the act ...and FTM has gotten hold of some more of the team names and logos from several of Nashville's biggest acts.

Eric Church

Kellie Pickler

Brantley Gilbert

Dave Haywood (of Lady Antebellum)


Darryl Worley

Toby Keith

Aug 28, 2011

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Satirical Lyrical: It's Sad When People Die

It's Sad When People Die
©2011 Farce Satires

Mama said "Your aunt wants to see you"
"She's only got a little while"
So I shuffled up to her bedside
Doing my best to smile
My aunt said "Boy, you're growing tall"
"Son here's some advice of mine
The secret to a happy life…."
And that's when she flatlined

It's sad when people die
Listen to this song and cry
Remember those who aren't alive
Rolled out of here like tears from your eyes
It's so sad
So sad when people die

Granddaddy was older than Cain
I was helping him in the yard
We had a few laughs raking the leaves
And washing his old car
When we were done we shared some Cokes
And he poured in a little Beam
He said "Someday, son, I won't be here"
Then he slumped over on the swing

It's sad when people die
Listen to this song and cry
Remember those who aren't alive
Saying goodbye with one last sigh
It's so sad
So sad when people die

I came home from college 'cause dad was sick
And you just can't get time back
Pulled in the drive in Granddad's old car
And ran over my dog Jack

It's sad when doggies die
Listen to this song and cry
Remember those up in the sky
Gone from this place like your face's smile
It's so sad
So sad when people and doggies die

Still, iTunes... still? Let the man move on...

(Click for closer view)

Aug 26, 2011

YouTube Gems: Muppets!

From Muppets: The Green Album, a collection of Muppet favorites covered by contemporary rock and alternative acts, here's OK Go and a bunch of Jim Henson creations with the Muppet Show Theme Song.

Aug 21, 2011

Best Songs of 2011 So Far

Monday and Tuesday, FTM will briefly be without new posts while Trailer takes the first business-related trip of his thirty-something years. We'll be back on Wednesday with the usual humor or jackassery or somesuch. For now, here's a listing (with some links) of some of the best tunes of 2011. Check 'em out!

The Big Five:
Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit - Codeine
Kasey Anderson and the Honkies - Exit Ghost
Blitzen Trapper - Love the Way You Walk Away
Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears - She's So Scandalous
Austin Lucas - Thunder Rail

A bunch of other great songs:
Centro-matic - Estimate X 3
Mike Ethan Messick - Walking Into Walls
Foo Fighters - Arlandria
Raphael Saadiq - Stone Rollin'
Ashton Shepherd - I'm Just a Woman
Amos Lee - Flower
Social Distortion - Diamond in the Rough
Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers - Empty Highway
George Strait - Poison
The Decemberists - Don't Carry It All
Eric Church - Over When It's Over
Beastie Boys with Nas - Too Many Rappers
Jimbo Mathus - Cling to the Roots
Adele - Rolling in the Deep
Ronnie Dunn - Cost of Livin'
John Popper & the Duskray Troubadors - Champipple
Justin Haigh - Is It Still Cheating
Kelsey Waldon - God-Fearing People
Left Lane Cruiser - Pig Farm
Jason Fratesi & the Dirt Road Jam Band - Heart Cryin' Out Loud
Hayes Carll - Bottle in My Hand
Chris Young - Neon
Drive-by Truckers - Mercy Buckets
Shooter Jennings - Outlaw You
Cage the Elephant - Aberdeen
Rachel Brooke - How Cold

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Aug 19, 2011

YouTube Gems: George Strait

God bless the King! I think you're gonna like his forthcoming album, Here For a Good Time, due out September 6th. Aside from a song or two, it sounds like classic Strait (but don't they all?). For now, here's a classic from 1985.


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