Showing posts with label Crystal Gayle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crystal Gayle. Show all posts

Aug 11, 2021

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 70s Country

 I can’t believe these jerks!


10. Olivia Newton-John

First person to say “country music has to evolve with the times.” Stands in the aisle as soon as the plane stops. 


9. Don Gibson

Made us all very sad with his forlorn ass songs. Did this on purpose. 


8. Moe Bandy

Wore the “Bandy the Rodeo Clown” outfit to actual rodeos trying to pull buckle bunnies. Claims to be the most famous country singer from Meridian, Mississippi. 


7. The Bellamy Brothers

Used the terrible pickup lines from their songs in real life. Used to throw used prophylactics out the window of their tour bus.


6. Freddy Fender

Only sang his two biggest hits as a 2 minute medley in concert. Used the rest of the time to perform Mexican dirges. Stomped out half smoked joints before asking if anybody wanted the rest.


5. Sonny James

Big timed everybody after he got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. First artist to sell VIP meet & greets. Used both armrests in the movie theater even if someone was beside him. 


4. Barbara Mandrell

Doesn’t mute background noise during Zoom meetings. Sent a CMA Entertainer of the Year award back because it only had her name engraved and not “Sweetheart of the Steel.” Makes her sisters sit at the kids’ table at holiday meals.


3. Kenny Rogers

Put tiny amounts of actual crack in his Kenny Rogers Roasters chicken to get people addicted. Was the first person referred to as “Mr. Steal Yo Girl.” Never replaced the toilet paper.


2. Crystal Gayle

Used that ultra long hair to ‘accidentally’ trip more than one up-and-coming opening act. Thinks she’s the best sibling from her family since she was the only one born in a hospital. Uses approximately 230 complimentary shampoo bottles to wash her hair when she’s at a hotel.


1. Mel Tillis

The stuttering was just an act for “branding.” After Coe left him out of “You Never Even Called Me By My Name,” Tillis spread the rumor that Coe did the Johnny Rebel albums. King of the SBDs. Was planning to record a hick-hop album before his passing. 



Oct 7, 2020

Top 10 Biggest Jerks in 80s Country


Let’s dispense with the introductory paragraph. You know the deal by now. Jerks!

10. William Lee Golden (of the Oak Ridge Boys)
Had women who touched his beard arrested. When fans requested for him to ‘say something!’ In his deep voice, he just whispers “I’m not the deep voiced one, dumbass.” 

9. John Conlee
The former mortician talked about embalming bodies in great detail between songs in concert. Refused to perform “Rose Colored Glasses” until all the women on the front row showed their boobs. 

8. Juice Newton
First person to utter “country music has to evolve.” Once spit her gum in Crystal Gayle’s hair.

7. Lee Greenwood
Would only go onstage if he was announced as “His excellency, the most patriotic American to have ever lived.” Chews loudly; can’t stand the sound of other people chewing.

6. Hank Jr.
Hit on women with the line “Do you wanna be one of my rowdy friends?” Performed exactly 2 songs sober during the whole decade (this may be true). Used bandmates shirts when the tour bus ran out of toilet paper.

5. Rosanne Cash
Insisted on driving her own tour bus so she could tailgate Yugos. Dipped during interviews. Tour rider sheet only said “I’m not going to tell you; you should just know.” 

4. Mark Miller (of Sawyer Brown)
Frequently trashed his hotel room and had to be reminded that he owned the bus he was sleeping in. Came on stage with a forty ounce and threw the bottle into the crowd when it was finished. Sang a dirty version of “Out Goin’ Cattin’” if he noticed lots of kids in the audience. 

3. Mickey Gilley
Rode the bull at his bar on ‘easy’ level, but claimed to be the champ. Constantly clicked his pen at business meetings. Called George Strait a “Mickey Gilley wannabe” to his face. 

2. Janie Fricke
Referred to herself as the “Frickin’ Queen of Country.” Never returned casserole dishes she borrowed. Sprayed the crowd with Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers during her encore. Tipped hairstylists with unsold merch.

1. John Schneider
Open hand slapped a fan who said “for a country singer, you’re a pretty good actor.” In real life, always drove way under the speed limit. Ate Funyuns before every face to face interview. Accused Waylon of riding his coattails. Anyone he considered less attractive than him was instructed to maintain a 6 foot distance. 

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