Showing posts with label Ashley Monroe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ashley Monroe. Show all posts

Dec 7, 2018

What Your Favorite 2018 Album Says About You 2

Post Malone - Beerbongs & Bentleys
You never use the "hard R." Your dad pays for college, but has threatened to cut you off if you come home with a face tattoo.

American Aquarium - Things Change
You haven't written a humorous tweet since November 2016. You drive a Nissan Leaf but keep your hidden away Harley tuned up for when it's okay to have fun again.

Whitey Morgan & the .78s - Hard Times and White Lines
You wear shirts with curse words on them to family reunions. When you type "Luke Bryan, never heard of her" on Facebook, your co-workers in the maintenance department all click "like." 

Brandi Carlile - By the Way, I Forgive You
You picked an apartment to rent based on its walking proximity to a Whole Foods. You have broken up with someone based on their bad recycling habits.

Sleep - The Sciences
You aren't really patient, you just smoke a shit ton of weed. You spend more money on eye drops than you do body wash. 

Ashley Monroe - Sparrow
You are horny like 24/7.

Keith Urban - Graffiti U
You're still living pretty comfortably off the divorce settlement, but you sell LulaRoe and essential oils on Facebook for extra cash.

Ashley McBryde - Girl Going Nowhere
You are a thoughtful and passionate connoisseur of music. You have definitely punched a man in the face before.

Godsmack - When Legends Rise
You didn't know they put out an album in 2018, but it must be the best album of the year because they kick ass man! You have punched a woman before.

Father John Misty - God's Favorite Customer
You have had your feces tested, and no, it does not stink. You won't date a woman who's prettier than you. 

May 17, 2018

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews Ashley Monroe's "Hands on You"

Oh my. 

I am in a quandary over this song. It seems, on the surface, to be about unabashed sexual humanism and lustfulness. I was brought up to believe that anything the flesh craves is naughty, but the narrator of this song is rushing headlong towards bodily pleasure! It is almost lewd and makes my chest feel funny.

I am not one to indulge in pleasurable things very often. My truck's air conditioner doesn't work. I can't put salt on my food. The strongest drink I partake of is Diet Rite. The pews at my church are harder than my wife's biscuits. So, I clearly am not the one to approach with questions of sensuality and enjoyment. 

However, I understand that God created loving copulation. He made it good (as best as I can recall). He made it enjoyable for a husband and wife so that they would bring more little Christians into the world. 

So, if "Hands on You" is about missing your spouse and playing little games with them, then I guess it is within the scope of what the Lord might intend for sexual relations between a man and wife. It makes me uncomfortable, but I see no reason to label it as sinful. 

If however, it is about unwed persons experiencing carnal lust and just sticking tallywhackers in hoo hoos willy-nilly, then it is certainly ungodly. I rebuke it!

Since Mrs. Monroe is indeed betrothed in holy matrimony, I am going to assume that this musical work is safe for (adult & married!) Christian consumption. I'm going to give it a grade of


On a side note, my wife overheard me listening to this song. She now has it on her iPod and just hiked up her muumuu a little. I guess I better hit the medicine cabinet. Good evening, y'all.

Mar 29, 2018

Airplane: Country Reaction Gifs

When somebody tries to talk to you while you're listening to Tyler Childers.

When somebody on the plane has a
Walker Hayes ringtone.

Listening to Ashley Monroe's "Hands on You" like...

Surely you're not serious that you never 
listen to top 40 country radio?

When you walk in on a co-working
really getting into a Kelsea Ballerini song

How country radio treats women.

When they're listening to Jordan Davis
in the control tower

"I'm leaving because you listen to Florida-Georgia Line..."

Oct 22, 2015

Ashley Monroe Performs at the Opry

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews Maddie & Tae "Shut Up & Fish"

Trailer likes these girls for some reason and so do a bunch of other wusses who want to give any singer with real instruments a pass and say their alot closer to real country then other stuff on POPCUNTRY radio. Who cares? Do you want a cookie for not rapping in you're damn song?

I never liked Maddy & Tay, never will. They suck. I don't care if they sang a song making fun of "bros," it was all for the money. They do not deserve any thought. At the end of the day there still shitty pop country. The only chicks singing real country now is NOBODY. Take your Kacey Musgrove and your Ashly Monrow and shove em up your ass with Taylor Swift as far as I'm concerned. They ain't never drove a big rig or worked a tug or plowed a row, so don't talk to me about them bein' country. Loretta Lin was the last real woman country singer cause she raised a mess of kids in a shack and whooped her husband's ass all the time.

Now, lets get into this song. LOL right. As if I'm listening to this. It's called "Shut Up and Fish" so you know its some corny bullshit from the title alone. Brad Paislay called, girls, he wants his career of making dumbass joke songs in to big hits back. Ya'll so-called bloggers and critics just get bent all out of shape over some girls singing with a tiny little drawl and being cute and whatnot. It's a smoke screen and a smoke show. Their hot, nobodies denying that. But that and $1.29 will buy you a Steel Reserve to wash the thought of this crappy song out of you're mind!

It just goes to show you my great taste in country music. I have never heard of Luke Bryan before this month. I don't know what that has to do with this song; theres just a nagging in the back of my brain to say that every day if I have the chance. 

Anyway, somebody call me when Maddey and Taye grab a washboard and a jug and get real. And I don't mean start a jug band, I mean wash my clothes and bring me a drink, LOL. Keep it country!


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